"The Manifesto of a Natural Selector
How Natural Selection Transformed Into Idiocratic Selection?
The process of natural selection has derailed. It has reversed. Human kind has regressed for a long while. Retarded and dumb, weak-minded people procreate more and faster than smart, strong-willed people. Laws protect the retarded majority, which elects society's leaders. Contemporary human race has not only betrayed its ancestors, but also future generations. Homo Sapiens, LOL! More like Homo Idioticus [sp] to me! When I observe people I see every day in society, school and everywhere... I can't say I belong to the same race as this wretched, arrogant and selfish human race. No! I have developed a step above!
Naturality [sp] has been criminalized through religions, ideologies, laws and other mass delusions, including horsecocks [oh this is just the beginning]. The individual, who goes through his [gender-neural in Finnish] natural power process and tries to live according to nature, but is told that the way he acts and thinks is either wrong or stupid, [ramble on for the rest of the paragraph about rage and depression.]
Humans are just another race among many - marathons, 400 meter hurdles and Formula 1. Go Räikkönen! [WTF] Death and killing aren't tragedies, as it happens all the time among other races [back to semblance of sanity]. All human lives are not worthy of living (perhaps an allusion to a popular Finnish folk song how "Every Life Is Worthy Of A Song"), or worthy of saving. Only the strong individuals (smart, confident and strong-willed) should live, whereas Teletubbies should die [here we go again].
There is also another solution [I must've missed the first one]: dumb people as slaves and smarts free. What I mean is that those who have a strong mind, who are able to change a tire, capable of existential and philosophical mental [blaah blaah...]. And the robotic masters, they can be slaves while gangsters who run the societies, would get what they deserve [I'm trying but this is mostly gibberish].
Of course there is a final solution: the death of the entire human race. It would solve all of the problems of the human race [admittedly a novel perspective]. The faster the human race is gotten rid of, the faster [then there are two whole paragraphs about Kimi Räikkönen, who recently won Formula 1 (a racing car competition for you USians) championships.]
Three Types of People
There are three types of people in the world:
whining person (3% of world population)
whining person [yep, again, I guess he was too busy playing BF2 to edit his dying words] (3% of world population)
mass person (94% of world population) [it appears the percentage refers to the actual mass of the population]
#1 & #2 type personalities are smart, creative and whining. #3 personalities are less smart and who can't read good [the Finnish version reads like a Zoolander quote - perhaps intentional]. Percentages are only approximations [he wasn't enrolled in a PhD program to survey the human race AFAIK], but are based on my observations on the internets [sigh]. And this is how it's been since the start of time, when humans congregated around fires in caves [thankfully there are no further mentions of time travel].
Total War Against Human Society
Shit, the one thing I am full of and love it. It is the one thing I love. [For the rest of the promisingly-titled paragraph he makes good of the promise of German scheisse-video allusions based on his Sturmgeist moniker. I'm no prude but I'm not touching this shit.]
[The last three paragraphs goes on a downward spiral freewriting about depression, killing and random associations. Following is the last and most comprehensible paragraph of the manifesto.] Long live revolution... revolution organization - which enslaves not only the weak-willed masses, also the smarts majority - against! If we want to live in clouds, we need cotton candy. Doctor Snuggles (a popular UKian psychedelic kids cartoon featuring a camel in the clouds) will take you over, bend you over and give you the pink slips. The card that you hold is a machete of Che [Guevara I presume], cutting underwater maize. The poetic justification of murder comes in bundles of joy, flocks of maize and makes me happy. And where there is justification, there is hope for gold! The race is on. Räikkönen. Räikkönen! RÄIKKÖNEN!
I did it for the lulz [I'm not making this shit up]
- Pekko-Aika Miespoika (aka NaturalSelector89, Natural Selector, Sturmgeist89 ja Sturmgeist).
I also use the pseudonym Eric von Arschloch internationally."
Well, I have to say I just wasted an hour of my life translating this. I hope this serves as a window into a deranged individual's mind. Again, I apologize for any potential mistakes, and for my impatience in some parts - but the original is unparseable in many places.