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Finnish School Shooting 7/11 - Translation of Sturmgeist's Manifesto

By MotorMachineMercenary in News
Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 05:30:58 AM EST
Tags: school shooting, Finland, Sturmgeist, manifesto (all tags)

By popular demand, under the fold you'll find a translation of the rambling manifesto of yesterday's self-selected Darwinist. He had reportedly been on anti-depressants (in Finnish): he listed Cipralex, Luvox, Prozac and Zoloft on an online forum while critizing medication. It was today claimed he recently stopped taking his medication, perhaps exacerbating his apparent psychosis.

Under the fold you'll find a translation of his manifesto. It is offered as a service to the internet community, and doesn't imply any endorsement by the author - quite the contrary. While I trust this translation is more accurate than most found online, I'm sure there are some mistakes. Please note some parts are unparseable as there's quite a bit of lunatic rambling behind a thin veneer of verbose word play.

"The Manifesto of a Natural Selector

How Natural Selection Transformed Into Idiocratic Selection?

The process of natural selection has derailed. It has reversed. Human kind has regressed for a long while. Retarded and dumb, weak-minded people procreate more and faster than smart, strong-willed people. Laws protect the retarded majority, which elects society's leaders. Contemporary human race has not only betrayed its ancestors, but also future generations. Homo Sapiens, LOL! More like Homo Idioticus [sp] to me! When I observe people I see every day in society, school and everywhere... I can't say I belong to the same race as this wretched, arrogant and selfish human race. No! I have developed a step above!

Naturality [sp] has been criminalized through religions, ideologies, laws and other mass delusions, including horsecocks [oh this is just the beginning]. The individual, who goes through his [gender-neural in Finnish] natural power process and tries to live according to nature, but is told that the way he acts and thinks is either wrong or stupid, [ramble on for the rest of the paragraph about rage and depression.]

Humans are just another race among many - marathons, 400 meter hurdles and Formula 1. Go Räikkönen! [WTF] Death and killing aren't tragedies, as it happens all the time among other races [back to semblance of sanity]. All human lives are not worthy of living (perhaps an allusion to a popular Finnish folk song how "Every Life Is Worthy Of A Song"), or worthy of saving. Only the strong individuals (smart, confident and strong-willed) should live, whereas Teletubbies should die [here we go again].

There is also another solution [I must've missed the first one]: dumb people as slaves and smarts free. What I mean is that those who have a strong mind, who are able to change a tire, capable of existential and philosophical mental [blaah blaah...]. And the robotic masters, they can be slaves while gangsters who run the societies, would get what they deserve [I'm trying but this is mostly gibberish].

Of course there is a final solution: the death of the entire human race. It would solve all of the problems of the human race [admittedly a novel perspective]. The faster the human race is gotten rid of, the faster [then there are two whole paragraphs about Kimi Räikkönen, who recently won Formula 1 (a racing car competition for you USians) championships.]

Three Types of People

There are three types of people in the world:
whining person (3% of world population)
whining person [yep, again, I guess he was too busy playing BF2 to edit his dying words] (3% of world population)
mass person (94% of world population) [it appears the percentage refers to the actual mass of the population]

#1 & #2 type personalities are smart, creative and  whining. #3 personalities are less smart and who can't read good [the Finnish version reads like a Zoolander quote - perhaps intentional]. Percentages are only approximations [he wasn't enrolled in a PhD program to survey the human race AFAIK], but are based on my observations on the internets [sigh]. And this is how it's been since the start of time, when humans congregated around fires in caves [thankfully there are no further mentions of time travel].

Total War Against Human Society

Shit, the one thing I am full of and love it. It is the one thing I love. [For the rest of the promisingly-titled paragraph he makes good of the promise of German scheisse-video allusions based on his Sturmgeist moniker. I'm no prude but I'm not touching this shit.]

[The last three paragraphs goes on a downward spiral freewriting about depression, killing and random associations. Following is the last and most comprehensible paragraph of the manifesto.] Long live revolution... revolution organization - which enslaves not only the weak-willed masses, also the smarts majority - against! If we want to live in clouds, we need cotton candy. Doctor Snuggles (a popular UKian psychedelic kids cartoon featuring a camel in the clouds) will take you over, bend you over and give you the pink slips. The card that you hold is a machete of Che [Guevara I presume], cutting underwater maize. The poetic justification of murder comes in bundles of joy, flocks of maize and makes me happy. And where there is justification, there is hope for gold! The race is on. Räikkönen. Räikkönen! RÄIKKÖNEN!

I did it for the lulz [I'm not making this shit up]

- Pekko-Aika Miespoika (aka NaturalSelector89, Natural Selector, Sturmgeist89 ja Sturmgeist).
I also use the pseudonym Eric von Arschloch internationally."


Well, I have to say I just wasted an hour of my life translating this. I hope this serves as a window into a deranged individual's mind. Again, I apologize for any potential mistakes, and for my impatience in some parts - but the original is unparseable in many places.


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Finnish School Shooting 7/11 - Translation of Sturmgeist's Manifesto | 51 comments (37 topical, 14 editorial, 0 hidden)
ah, finns (1.33 / 3) (#6)
by circletimessquare on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 02:36:48 PM EST

america's 51st (alcoholic, depressed, psychotic) state

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Hey! (3.00 / 6) (#10)
by 138 on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 03:00:27 PM EST

I have promised to vote for the person who will get us out of the EU and in to the US.

Sadly there has not been such a candidate.

Siili teki maalin.
[ Parent ]

also another translation (none / 0) (#12)
by Stick Apart on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 03:18:09 PM EST

> "I think it could easily be around 200 million people dead because of gun control." - V


e f g (none / 0) (#13)
by Stick Apart on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 03:18:36 PM EST

> "I think it could easily be around 200 million people dead because of gun control." - V

[ Parent ]

also: ihbt {[nt (none / 0) (#14)
by Stick Apart on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 03:27:20 PM EST

> "I think it could easily be around 200 million people dead because of gun control." - V

[ Parent ]

Not you - the shooter /nt (none / 1) (#16)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 03:33:10 PM EST

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
Re: "There is also another solution" (none / 0) (#17)
by BottleRocket on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 04:29:33 PM EST

He probably meant that there is a solution other than the unparalleled disaster of human Social Darwinism.

Not that I've already considered all of his arguments with shining hope for a better tomorrow or anything. RÄIKKÖNEN! RÄIKKÖNEN! RÄIKKÖNEN!

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $

Yes. (3.00 / 2) (#20)
by ksandstr on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 05:28:15 PM EST

Going on a wonderfully impotent killing spree (lol 22 cal) and then holing up in the toilets and committing a really slow suicide. With a 22 cal. Seriously, dude took like five hours to die.

It's like Räikkönen's first season with McLaren in F1: he hasn't even taken his spot in the start box, but he's already failed. Very finnish. Very.

[ Parent ]

The funniest thing is it appears he tried to get a (none / 1) (#21)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 05:33:38 PM EST

license for a 9mm, but was rejected. At least he was committed.

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
I love you. (none / 1) (#36)
by WonderJoust on Sun Nov 11, 2007 at 01:55:42 PM EST

i like your style: bitter, without being a complete cunt about it.
-birds ate my face
[ Parent ]

akuja maaapitksa (1.00 / 3) (#18)
by zombie Colonel Kurtz on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 04:45:29 PM EST

puja puja moopa matinksi uka

Translation: (3.00 / 6) (#35)
by 138 on Sat Nov 10, 2007 at 02:58:23 PM EST

Donalds (as in many of them, to use it in a sentence, "There were many Donalds there"), because Donald Duck is Aku Ankka in finnish. Now I just need to to know why did you not use a capital letter there?

seems to be misspelling of maapitsa which would translate as "terrainpizza".

again I have to pressume this is a misspelling of kuja, luja or pujo. First one means alley. Second one could be translated as stable, firm, fast or steady, depending on the context. Third one is Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris).

once again a misspelling. I think you mean soopa(a) which could be translated as "bollocks" (as in "someone is speaking bollocks").

misspellings just continue, lose the n and you got Matiksi which translates to something like "someone turned in to a Matt", also the missing capital letter is again a mystery.

put a k in front of the word and you got kuka, which in finnish means "who". M in front of the uka would make it muka, which is quit hard to translate without the context, but if you insist I would translate it as "ostensibly". Last possibility is r, and then it would be Ruka, which is a place in Finland (an artic hill to be precise, and what is more essential is that St. Nick lives near by), and a capital letter is needed once more.

So with a correct spelling your post would be like this:
Akuja maapitsa, luja pujo soopaa Matiksi muka.
And the translation would be something like this:
Donalds mugwort terrainpizza ostensibly turned in to a Matt, steady bollocks.  

Anyway it is nice to see someone in teh intarwebs trying to learn our beautiful, logical and vowel rich language. Keep up the good work man!

ps. word of the day is hääyöaie.
Siili teki maalin.
[ Parent ]

An amusing thing from yesterday (3.00 / 4) (#22)
by ksandstr on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 06:12:48 PM EST

This country hick paper Kaleva publishes a list of the currently most read articles on its index webpage. Unsurprisingly yesterday's list was like... shootout wherever, shooter tries to burn down school, blood, nazis, crossbones...

And then in rank 5, "Beaver bites cow in Pielavesi".

An actual news article, to be sure, but dated sometime in 2005. Someone had the clever idea to paste that link on good spots on IRC, which must've been enough.


Yay! (none / 0) (#24)
by LilDebbie on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 07:19:24 PM EST

Okay, actually reading it now.

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

'I did it for the lulz' (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by NoControl on Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 08:27:43 PM EST

Only sentence that needed to be there...

Delicious pasta. (none / 0) (#26)
by V on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 01:03:58 AM EST

Are you posting from the grave?
What my fans are saying:
"That, and the fact that V is a total, utter scumbag." VZAMaZ.
"well look up little troll" cts.
"I think you're a worthless little cuntmonkey but you made me lol, so I sigged you." re
"goodness gracious you're an idiot" mariahkillschickens
Do you speak Finnish? (none / 0) (#29)
by creature on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:53:32 AM EST

I've got this leaflet that came with my bag of awesomeness. I'm not quite sure what it says, as the only English word on it that I can find is 'Napalm'. I'd really quite like to know what the rest of it says.

No (3.00 / 13) (#30)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 11:39:34 AM EST

What makes you think I speak Finnish? I don't. Therefore I had to run the original through a Finnish-Hungarian beta of Babelfish, take the Hungarian version to a buddy at work who translated it to Dutch for a few squirrel skins for his troubles. Then it was easy to run again through Babelfish to get the pseudo-English version.

I think I had to give a blowjob along the way to someone, but my memory is a bit hazy.

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
Sounds Emo? (none / 0) (#31)
by k31 on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 06:51:41 PM EST

Which I why I say that suicidal people are dangerous. Not that people shouldn't be helped if they're depressed or sad, but suicidal and sad are not strongly correlated. He actually sounds quite happy, but perhaps frustrated at his lack of ability to control the world to his fancy.

On the other hand, it sounds like schools are becoming more and more dangerous the world over...

Your dollar is you only Word, the wrath of it your only fear. He who has an EAR to hear....

What planet are you from? (none / 1) (#32)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:57:10 PM EST

You give way too much credit to this wacko. He was quite correct in naming himself a natural selector, as he took himself out of the gene pool. Good fucking riddance.

And one incident doesn't make the schools of Finland any more dangerous than they already were(n't).

Stop watching CNN, knee-jerking and get a fucking clue. It is people like you who cause video games to be censored (re: Germany's similar case), gun laws to be tightened (many countries and now Finland), and other populist political decisions to be driven through.

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
Several Incidents (none / 0) (#37)
by k31 on Mon Nov 12, 2007 at 05:38:17 AM EST

... make schools in general more dangerous, and less beneficial than they might have been five or more years ago or so.

This isn't a knee-jerk reaction, I've always thought that formal education had its drawbacks. The apprenticeship system is better in most cases, a hybrid which combines formal training with internships would be best. IMHO.

However, I'd agree with you that this one incident doesn't make Finnish schools any more dangerous.

I wasn't advocating any legal changes or anything like that, it seems to me you're the one that over-reacted to what I said or mis-interpeted my intention.

Your dollar is you only Word, the wrath of it your only fear. He who has an EAR to hear....
[ Parent ]

oh hai (1.33 / 3) (#39)
by circletimessquare on Mon Nov 12, 2007 at 01:30:35 PM EST

you're a fucking moron

apprenticeship system?


what a classist fuck you are

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

Poetry (none / 1) (#33)
by ljj on Sat Nov 10, 2007 at 05:18:14 AM EST

Schoolkids should really be encouraged to write poetry.


sounds just like cts. (3.00 / 3) (#34)
by zombie Colonel Kurtz on Sat Nov 10, 2007 at 08:00:54 AM EST

notice how he dismisses this as a finnish thing too.

my name is cts (none / 0) (#38)
by circletimessquare on Mon Nov 12, 2007 at 01:28:36 PM EST

and i endorse this comment

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
holy cow: (none / 0) (#40)
by circletimessquare on Mon Nov 12, 2007 at 01:36:33 PM EST

Lawyer: Finnish Teen Chatted Up Pa. Boy  

Nov 12 02:06 PM US/Eastern
Associated Press

PHILADELPHIA (AP) - A teenager who admitted plotting a school attack near Philadelphia had chatted online about the Columbine massacre with a teenage outcast who killed eight people and himself in a high school shooting in Finland, the Pennsylvania boy's attorney said Monday.

But the teen was "horrified" when he found out about the Finnish attack and said he never would have suspected him of following through on a violent act, the attorney said.

Finnish police said material seized from the computer of Pekka-Eric Auvinen suggests the 18-year-old had communicated online with Dillon Cossey, 14, who was arrested in October for allegedly preparing a attack at Plymouth Whitemarsh High School in suburban Philadelphia.

Cossey's attorney, J. David Farrell, said he showed Auvinen's online screen name to his client Monday and he rememebered communicating with him about video games and the 1999 Columbine massacre in Colorado and exchanging videos they found on the Internet.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


3 things:

  1. why can't k5 get a piece of this antisocial madman online wankery? i want to goad a deluded low iq wackjob asshole into shooting up a school
  2. this is a good reason for outlawing the interwebs, because it show the internats causes these awful situations. without the intartubes, nobody would ever do violence ever again on another human being
  3. never talk to finns, ever. even online

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

What's your address? (none / 0) (#44)
by kbudha on Fri Nov 16, 2007 at 04:51:10 PM EST

No seriously.

PS. If your IQ matches the shite you call moviemaking perhaps you shouldn't make jest of people with low IQ.

[ Parent ]

near times square, new york city (none / 0) (#45)
by circletimessquare on Fri Nov 16, 2007 at 05:33:38 PM EST

as in circletimessquare

maybe if you had a higher iq, you would figure that out

as for moviemaking skill, i'll accept your judgment just as soon as i see your cinematic masterpeice

not that what i make is necessarily good, but your right to criticize what i make is not established

hugs and kisses lover


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

lol (1.50 / 4) (#46)
by kbudha on Mon Nov 19, 2007 at 04:43:40 PM EST

You sound as bright as the stupid niggers who ordered pizza from my job.

"Yes can I get your address for delivery" - me

"Yeah I live off MLK Blvd, near the 7 eleven" - stupid nigger

Considering MLK is 15 miles long and there's about 3 7-elevens on it.

I could probably make a better "cinematic masterpiece" with flash.
My storyline would be alot less generic too.

[ Parent ]

Outlawing the interwebs? (none / 1) (#49)
by Carennann on Sun Dec 02, 2007 at 07:12:02 PM EST

I think we need Troll Patrol.

[ Parent ]
A nice reply to these people (none / 0) (#41)
by Peaker on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 10:52:52 AM EST

"I am smarter than you, wanna be my slave?"

Editorialism (none / 0) (#42)
by Jizzbug on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 09:32:29 PM EST

I could have done without all the obvious editorial parenthetical asides.  I am capable of my own internal monologue as I read a schizophrenic rant.

I say unto you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. I say unto you: you still have chaos in yourselves.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra: A Book for All and None

lol? (none / 0) (#43)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 15, 2007 at 05:06:41 PM EST

Obvious? You mean the brackets are obviously editorial? Do you think that could possibly be the point of putting editorial fucking comments in fucking brackets.

And in case you are serious: you are a moron who missed the whole fucking point of the story.

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
nah i agree with him (3.00 / 2) (#47)
by trane on Tue Nov 20, 2007 at 08:53:32 PM EST

your comments often reveal you to be rather unimaginative and egotistical, which detracts from the guy's message. Your comments are too intrusive, as if you don't trust the reader to make up his/her own mind - you have to try to sway them with your ego into making the correct interpretation.

[ Parent ]
Shitty attempt at "translation" (none / 0) (#51)
by Klom Dark on Wed Dec 19, 2007 at 01:56:12 PM EST

Not a translation, a psuedo-summary. A paragraph of translation interspersed with some rambling opinion of yours. Every time, just before you seem to be "getting to the good stuff", you then stop with same inane comment about how you cannot waste your time to translate the next part. (Which generally seem to be the guy delving into his deeper thoughts, which is what I want to read.)

I don't like you deciding for me that this is not what I want to read, and that I'd rather read your opinion about it. Lame.

[ Parent ]

Unabomber 1, Sturmgeist nil (3.00 / 2) (#48)
by OzJuggler on Sat Nov 24, 2007 at 07:32:23 AM EST

The Unabomber's manifesto was excellent. Like, really thought-provoking stuff. Filtered through the eyes of a paranoid delusional sociopath, sure, but the quality was top notch.

This Sturmgeist wackjob got nothin'.

If places like k5 do nothing else, the least we can do is train a new generation of more sophisticated murderers. For once, CTS is onto something. All the power, none of the responsibility. Damn, what a rush that would be.

"And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together
at Osama's homo abortion pot and commie jizzporium." - Jon Stewart's gift to Bill O'Reilly, 7 Dec 2005.

Why am I not surprised that SSRIs were involved? (none / 0) (#50)
by bighappyface on Mon Dec 03, 2007 at 08:22:00 AM EST

Serious money exchanged hands with the FDA when benzos were changed to short-term usage and SSRIs were approved.

Ask anyone who's gone off of Effexor if it's more or less addictive than Xanax.

Finnish School Shooting 7/11 - Translation of Sturmgeist's Manifesto | 51 comments (37 topical, 14 editorial, 0 hidden)
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