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[P]
How to Suck Less

By Defect in Op-Ed
Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 11:49:13 PM EST
Tags: Round Table (all tags)
Round Table

Over the course of the past several months, it has come to my attention that the vast majority of you people suck. Most people suck, don't get me wrong, I was just hoping kuro5hin would be exempt from the suck until, at the very least, the real world suck saturation slowed somewhat.

Now, unfortunately, I have to deal with your suck on a day to day basis, and it's pissing the unsucky people off. This is an obviously incomplete guide to sucking less, but it should be enough to get you started.


We'll go with the situation/solution format because it's simple and I'm not sure many of you people suck little enough to understand much else. First, though, we'll go over a few general steps to guide you on your road of unsuck:
  1. When you wake up every morning, open your eyes, smile wide, and declare to the world "I, world, am going to suck less today." This is important.
  2. Take a shower at least every other day. Use shampoo and conditioner. Buy fruity body wash. Buy something. No one wants to smell your suck. This is important.
  3. Don't eat so much. It's unhealthy and your obesity isn't attractive. I don't want to stare at your physical suck any more. This is very important.
Those are all important steps.

The basic rules for not sucking are fairly simple. They may seem slightly complicated at first, because you suck, but you'll get used to things as time wears on.
  1. First and foremost: smile. This works over the internet, too. When you feel yourself starting to suck, put on a happy face and watch the suck melt away. Even if you continue to suck, it will be a different, more tolerable suck. It's a start.
  2. Most of you think you're being funny when in actuality you are sucking tremendously. This is because your sense of humour sucks. The easiest way to overcome this crippling trait is by using your head and by head I mean brain. If your sense of humour can not be construed as somewhat intelligent in any way whatsoever, then it sucks. And by correlation, you still suck. If you ever think, in your head (or, god for god damned forbid, out your head) "LOL" (pronounced ELL-OH-ELL) then you have exceeded most known bounds of suck. People who don't suck laugh, giggle, chuckle, snicker, chortle, or any combination of the above. When you hear or see something that makes you think "LOL" don't do anything; sit back until you actually laugh. That is the first step to having a nonsucky sense of humour. If you're laughing and no one else is, then you're either much, much better than them or you still suck. Chances are, you still suck.
  3. If you have sucky physical traits, don't play off them. If you're fat, don't make fat jokes. People might laugh but, inside, they're all crying because they're afraid they may as fat as you someday. If you're ugly, don't call attention to it. No one wants to be reminded of how ugly you are. Both of these problems can be remedied by motivation and a highly unsucky personality. This is what we're working on.
  4. If you don't know what you're talking about, then shut the hell up. If you're smart enough to convince people you're intelligent in a field where you're not, good for you, you already have a good chance of not sucking. But since you're reading this, you probably suck and this is obviously not the case. So just shut up when you fall into a conversation way over your head. You'll gain important information from listening. You can use this information to pretend you're smart later, but for now, shut up.
  5. Don't get mad. You gain nothing by getting mad. Unless you're funny when you're mad, then do it for comedic effect. Otherwise, don't get mad. If other people get mad, just think to yourself "they're falling into sucky territory, better let them go in alone. 10-4 roger." When someone's anger shows, you've already got the advantage. If you're calm and collected, you actually absorb any antisuck they may have had, making you suck less while making them suck more all for doing nothing at all. This is one of the best ways to not suck.
Situation 1:
You start to suck

  • Sucky Solution:
    Keep on sucking. Once you start to suck it's hard to pull out, and the best time to catch it is when you first notice it. If you can't not suck right away, then try to keep to yourself until you can stop sucking for a second. If you honestly just can't stop sucking, go to sleep and suck unconsciously.
  • Non-sucky Solution
    Smile. Laugh, if you can. Laugh at something. Just laugh. Laugh to yourself. Truly unsucky people laugh to themselves, by themselves, and for themselves.
Situation 2:
You think and want to type "LOL"

  • Sucky Solution:
    Type "LOL" and watch the suck flow. Increase the suck tenfold by adding a "ROFL" as well. Add exclamation points for yet more suck.
  • Non-sucky Solution
    Physically laugh out loud if you actually feel like it. No one cares whether or not you do. Writing "LOL" is akin to writing "I am currently brushing my sucky teeth, thank you. I may make myself a tuna sandwich in a little bit but first I think I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm telling you because I know you care." I don't, actually, care.
Situation 3:
You're the hairiest bitch known to man

  • Sucky Solution:
    Take your shirt off and start running around claiming you're bigfoot. This has the effect of sucking doubly by bringing attention to the fact that you are sickeningly hairy and also by inflicting your sucky sense of humour on to everyone else.
  • Non-sucky Solution
    Shave your body. Obviously.
Situation 4:
Someone starts screaming at you for some random reason

  • Sucky Solution:
    Start screaming back and pulling arguments directly (as opposed to indirectly) out of your ass. Scrunch your eyes and eyebrows up so you look terribly irate and keep on trying to argue at a higher volume than your opponent. This will accomplish a lot.
  • Non-sucky Solution
    Assess the situation. Is this person unstable and stressed out, then look at them calmly, explain the solutions to their particular problem, and/or offer help if the situation isn't immediately resolvable. If the person is insignificant and is being excessively retarded, then feel free to smile and laugh at them. Either way, you suck less while they suck more, which makes you look like you suck even less.
I hope this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If you suck, don't bother answering the questions, let someone who doesn't suck help out.

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Poll
Poll:
o I am going to suck less! 17%
o I'm going to keep on sucking! 34%
o I don't suck. 48%

Votes: 280
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Kuro5hin
o Also by Defect


Display: Sort:
How to Suck Less | 221 comments (155 topical, 66 editorial, 0 hidden)
You Suck. (3.13 / 36) (#1)
by chbm on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 11:52:23 AM EST

-1

-- if you don't agree reply don't moderate --
irony (4.50 / 22) (#5)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 11:57:09 AM EST

I do believe you posting an editorial comment under a topical label makes you suck far more than i could ever suck.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
irony. (3.72 / 18) (#16)
by nr0mx on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:13:38 PM EST

You got mad, whether or not you actually got angry, you felt a twinge of irritation and took offense. That's clearly against one of the rules of nonsuck. Perhaps if you remained clear minded and happy, you wouldn't have sucked so much. I'm just trying to help.



[ Parent ]

Broke another rule (4.06 / 15) (#18)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:18:41 PM EST

You're exceeding your limits of cleverity. I understand that your copying of my comment may have seemed slightly witty, in reality, it wasn't. Sorry. Shouldn't dip into things where you have no experience.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
Topical (3.88 / 9) (#43)
by PresJPolk on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:30:37 PM EST

That comment looked topical to me...

[ Parent ]
I'm thinking editorial. (4.00 / 4) (#159)
by nstenz on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 04:32:44 PM EST

The only opinion stated, which was in the title, appears to be the reason for voting -1. No other argument is given, so we can't really assume anything else from it.

[ Parent ]
Dear Doctor Defect (4.65 / 20) (#4)
by tombuck on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 11:55:46 AM EST

I think that I'm starting to suck. Yes, I'm guilty of using the odd smily, ":-)" For example.

However, recently I have noticed some really, really sucky people using "=)" instead and I fear that I too am going to be sucked into this world of suckiness and do the same.

What should I do?

--
Give me yer cash!

good question, easy answer. (4.53 / 15) (#8)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:02:08 PM EST

However, recently I have noticed some really, really sucky people using "=)" instead and I fear that I too am going to be sucked into this world of suckiness and do the same.

When you see sucky people doing something, you have two options. You can assume it's sucky by default, which it likely is, or, if you see some worth to it at all, you can attempt to bring it back from the depths of suck by doing it yourself.

The latter action is dangerous, because it may bring you to the brink of suck yourself, but if you're strong you should be fine.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
Sucky physics (4.20 / 10) (#36)
by carbon on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:56:22 PM EST

You can attempt to bring it back from the depths of suck by doing it yourself.

But won't the laws of sucky physics apply then? Both you and the sucky action in question will probably end up at the median between your current suckiness and it's. Your best bet is to remove all your suckiness before attempting such a thing.


Wasn't Dr. Claus the bad guy on Inspector Gadget? - dirvish
[ Parent ]
Well, (none / 0) (#174)
by bunsen on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 12:03:07 AM EST

According to elementary statistical suckodynamics, the solution to this is to perform the formerly sucky action a hell of a lot more that the other people do it, drawing the suckiness level of the action ever closer to your own suckiness level. This assumes, however, that your suckal mass is much greater than that of the action, so that your own suckiness level is left nearly unchanged. This is a notrivial assumption, so manipulating suckiness can be tricky business if your own suckiness level is given to significant fluctuations due to small perturbations. You have to find a way to anchor your own suckiness level or otherwise counteract your local increase in suck at the beginning of the manipulation.

---
Do you want your possessions identified? [ynq] (n)
[ Parent ]
Must remember 'suckal mass' :-) <n/t> (none / 0) (#212)
by carbon on Sat Apr 20, 2002 at 04:39:25 AM EST



Wasn't Dr. Claus the bad guy on Inspector Gadget? - dirvish
[ Parent ]
I have trouble with smilies (4.62 / 8) (#46)
by afree87 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:34:13 PM EST

Question: Which sticking-out-tongue smilie should I use? I could use :P but the eyes are too small; =P but it looks weird; or XP but people confuse it with Windows XP.

Answer: Do not use smilies.
--
Ha... yeah.
[ Parent ]

the solution... (none / 0) (#203)
by aelscha on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 02:15:09 PM EST

...is to use a non-P-based smiley, such as :. *grin*

[ Parent ]
There's a deeper level of suckitude (4.75 / 8) (#50)
by President Steve Elvis America on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:40:56 PM EST

The people that think ^_^ is a smiley face really piss me off. They don't suck, they bite.

Sincerely,

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America
[ Parent ]

@_@ (4.22 / 9) (#56)
by afree87 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:47:32 PM EST

^_^;

^_^ <--- :) ?

^_^

^_^ <-/- :) ?

-_-;

^_~

X_x
--
Ha... yeah.
[ Parent ]
Alternatively (4.81 / 16) (#9)
by hulver on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:03:29 PM EST

If you see someone who sucks, and it is pissing you off, ignore them. Continue to ignore them until they piss you off no more.

This has two advantages. It does wonders for your blood pressure. You don't have to impose your views on other people who might not agree with you, and might think that you suck, but are too busy ignoring you to comment.

--
HuSi!

Obligitory Simpons reference (4.31 / 16) (#11)
by jeffy124 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:06:13 PM EST

yeah moe, that team really sucked last night. i mean they just really sucked. if you ask me they were suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. -Homer Simpson
--
You're the straw that broke the camel's back!
Another one (4.62 / 8) (#144)
by crankie on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 12:39:05 PM EST

"This both sucks and blows". Quite appropriate I think.

~~~
"The great thing about hardcore socialists is the silence they emit once they start earning a decent wage." - tombuck
[ Parent ]
It's Mega-Maid, sir! (none / 0) (#183)
by Armaphine on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 08:57:04 AM EST

She's gone from suck to blow!

Question authority. Don't ask why, just do it.
[ Parent ]

How to suck less? (4.47 / 19) (#12)
by X3nocide on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:06:22 PM EST

Blow harder! Better resist the desire to type a certain acronym for laughter.

pwnguin.net
Dear Dr Defect (3.86 / 22) (#13)
by roam on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:09:30 PM EST

What do you do when you're reading a sucky story on the topic of "how not to suck" by a sucky author who is obviously trying to compensate for some physical defect (small genetalia/below average IQ/Overweight/Ugly)?

Do you post a comment pointing out his suck, and/or do you vote the story down?


___
Are they like hamsters?
Specifically, can I tape up a chinchilla, slather him in axle grease, and shove him up my ass? - Patrick Bateman


Copy-cat, copy-cat, sitting on the doormat. (3.90 / 11) (#14)
by tombuck on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:11:53 PM EST


--
Give me yer cash!
[ Parent ]

interesting question (4.47 / 17) (#17)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:14:11 PM EST

I suggest realizing your own suck by understanding that your attacking my alleged physical failings only makes you look petty and insecure. Especially when you take into account that i am extraordinarily sexy, intelligent, and have an above average member length. There's no need to attack me.

If you can't put such minor annoyances aside, you should probably vote the story down, as you're clearly the type of person who will never accept his own suck and will forever live in denial. There would certainly be no need to have this story live on and constantly remind you that you are not as unsucky as you perhaps believe yourself to be.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
I'm calm and collected... (3.73 / 15) (#19)
by roam on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:19:00 PM EST

..you, on the other hand, seem to be a bit upset by my comment. Therefore I am absorbing any anti-suck you may have had (although you seem to not have had much)... and I will now let you "go it alone."

___
Are they like hamsters?
Specifically, can I tape up a chinchilla, slather him in axle grease, and shove him up my ass? - Patrick Bateman


[ Parent ]
ooh, sorry. (4.21 / 14) (#20)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:21:58 PM EST

I feel almost bad, you don't seem to be able to distinguish between irritation and pointing out the obvious. I was merely offering my opinion, take it as you will.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
Dear Doctor Defect (4.70 / 10) (#35)
by MattOly on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:56:18 PM EST

I love the idea. Maybe a weekly K5 column?

====
A final note to...the Republican party. You do not want to get into a fight with David Letterman. ...He's simply more believable than you are.
[ Parent ]

well (4.83 / 12) (#40)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:06:16 PM EST

It does not seem to be going over so well here. Perhaps people take themselves and others a might too seriously. Perhaps they all suck.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
i think (4.25 / 8) (#47)
by VoxLobster on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:35:43 PM EST

you left out your overwhelming modesty...

VoxLobster
I was raised by a cup of coffee! -- Homsar
[ Parent ]

Gosh who shat in your handbag? (3.33 / 21) (#21)
by punkamedic on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:22:27 PM EST


Dog tossers for three generations
Well golly gee whiz I just don't know! (4.71 / 14) (#72)
by communista on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:19:22 PM EST


/me fucks shit up!!!!
[ Parent ]
Problem: (4.41 / 17) (#22)
by mrgoat on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:25:29 PM EST

I'm not hairy, not fat, have never in my life typed that L-- thing, (you know what I mean.) I don't smell bad, smile plenty when people are around, laugh a lot, (out loud even) at jokes I see, and yet, I fear I may still suck.

In short, pls fx, thx.

You may all feel free to smack me for that previous sentence.

"I'm having sex right now?" - Joh3n
--Top Hat--

+1 (4.26 / 15) (#24)
by jefflar on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:30:22 PM EST

Great stuff. I'm well on my way to not sucking,

Hey Defect (4.06 / 16) (#25)
by Hong Kong Phooey on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:31:53 PM EST

Stop projecting your own shortcomings on the rest of us.

I'm shocked (4.50 / 18) (#27)
by DanTheCat on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:43:58 PM EST

at the amount of negative comments floating around. There are apparently far more sucky people than I had ever imagined...

My favorite anti-suck activity is to take a break and read the comics when I start to feel sucky. Usually good for a few nice chuckles and snickers. Is it just me, or has garfield been strangely amusing lately?

Dan :)

<--->
I was in need of help
Heading to black out
'Til someone told me 'run on in honey
Before someone blows your god damn brains out'<

Excellent. (4.44 / 9) (#29)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:47:33 PM EST

You clearly do not suck, or, at the very least, have fully accepted your suck so that you're not in denial.

I'm surprised by the many personal attacks thus far. First off, people are taking this entire thing far too seriously, and while it could be taken seriously, to take it so to heart as to become offended by it is laughably absurd.

Insecurity abounds.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
Situation/Solution (4.33 / 15) (#32)
by ocswing on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 12:54:20 PM EST

Situation: You're faced with commenting/voting on a story that insults the majority of the site it was posted on.


Sucky Solution: You pretentious little fuck. You're the one that sucks. Maybe if you could get over your own inadequacies you would make some sense and contribute.

Non-Sucky solution: This is hilarious and genius. But all the sucky people will get offended and find some inane fault with it. I love you defect. Marry me. Oh it's not legal here, doh!


Yes I am aware of the fact that I suck. +1FP

-1 (4.00 / 27) (#39)
by TheGreenLantern on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:03:37 PM EST

Situation: You secretly suspect that everyone around you is a moron, and you are the only sane, reasonable, and likable person in the world.

Sucky Solution: Write a troll story expressing this idea, and when everyone starts piling on, your suspisions are proved correct in your own mind. Spend the rest of your life feeling superiour to everyone else.

Non-Sucky Solution: Get the fuck over yourself.

It hurts when I pee.
Dear Doctor Defect (4.78 / 23) (#42)
by rusty on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:26:28 PM EST

I run a medium-largish web community. While I had built, over a couple years, a general reputation for not sucking, I recently did a couple things that sucked very hard, and I'm afraid that I will never regain the trust my readers once had in my non-suckitude. Are my fears justified? Is it true that, as they say, "Once you suck, you're stuck"? Or can I erase the suckitude and return to a state of nonsuckiness?

____
Not the real rusty
Dear valued reader, (4.87 / 16) (#48)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:35:59 PM EST

While the "Once you suck, you're stuck" wive's tale has been around for centuries, it's nowhere near as true-to-life as the lesser known adage "If you've lacked suck once, lack suck one can do again" (rough translation from the latin).

The basis of unsucking relies on one very important rule: remain true to yourself. If you can constantly follow that rule, the path of nonsuck will be awaiting your suckless adventure.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
Thanks! (4.81 / 11) (#55)
by rusty on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:47:22 PM EST

You know, I now recall having heard your Latin adage. It totally slipped my mind.

"Nonsuckibus olim, nonsuckibus denuo." Words to live by indeed.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

I think we can help (4.60 / 10) (#51)
by autonomous on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:41:18 PM EST

If your sucking involved money, there is hope! You can take your money, enclose it in a plain, non descript brown envelope, and meet me at a coffee shop at the edge of town in about 2 hours.
-- Always remember you are nothing more than a collection of complementary chemicals worth not more than $5.00
[ Parent ]
Mr RustyTaco (4.50 / 12) (#52)
by tokage on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:42:31 PM EST

You haven't done anything that I am aware of that has sucked. Besides, of course, voting up this shitty story. Wait, I did that too..

Pretending there is something left

is like pretending there was anything at all. - Angela Smith
[ Parent ]
Yes, you can rectify your situation (4.58 / 12) (#65)
by DesiredUsername on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:19:02 PM EST

In order to reduce suckage (or perceived suckage) what you need to is suck up. For instance, you could ask us if we've lost weight or tell us our wives/husbands/sextoys are cute. Another idea is free money.

One thing that is a definite no-no is to say, for instance, that you "run the community" which would imply a sucky dictatorial regime. "Began", "host" or "write the code for" are all acceptable, non-sucky ways of saying essentially the same thing, but notice how they don't bring to mind sucky, jack-booted thugs.

I hope this helps you become as suck-free as I have become.

Play 囲碁
[ Parent ]

heh heh (4.50 / 8) (#88)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:08:56 PM EST

You just said "rectify". LOL!

[ Parent ]
Thank you for your kind advice (4.80 / 10) (#105)
by rusty on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 05:53:10 PM EST

You're right, "run the community" brings to mind images of harnessed sled dogs, with me behind them wielding the whip. Mush, posters! Mush!

Incidentally, it's been too long since we caught up. How's your significant other, and the rest of your family? You look like you've lost weight. And that certainly is a stylish dildo.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

Dear Dr Defect, (4.47 / 17) (#44)
by hythloday on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:31:16 PM EST

I'm unable to recognize satire or even irony when it's too close to the bone. What should I do?

interesting irony (4.18 / 11) (#49)
by VoxLobster on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:39:49 PM EST

you write a story, and to get it posted on the front page or section page it must get votes from the readers, yet you tell the readers that they suck...I don't think there's a more negative way than this to tell people to be more posative...even though I agree that people in general do suck, this is a bad way to get them to change... -1

VoxLobster -- Lobsters can't suck, they have no lips...

VoxLobster
I was raised by a cup of coffee! -- Homsar

oh god, i apparently suck in my own unique way (4.36 / 11) (#53)
by speek on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:44:00 PM EST

I pronounce LOL as the word "lol", and I do it ALL THE TIME!!! Do I suck more or less than if I thought Ell-O-Ell?

Thanks Dr. Defect,

Sucking in NY

--
al queda is kicking themsleves for not knowing about the levees

Please go away. Thank you. (nt) (none / 0) (#187)
by scanman on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 09:52:44 AM EST


"[You are] a narrow-minded moron [and] a complete loser." - David Quartz
"scanman: The moron." - ucblockhead
"I prefer the term 'lifeskills impaired'" - Inoshiro

[ Parent ]

Dear valued readers (4.73 / 15) (#54)
by tokage on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:46:21 PM EST

If you vote this story down, you are part of the suck problem. I'm afraid that we're going to have to ask you to go ahead and stop frequenting this site.

Thank you, that is all. Your mandated voluntary cooperation is appreciated.

Pretending there is something left

is like pretending there was anything at all. - Angela Smith
Dear valued writer (4.30 / 10) (#82)
by Rk on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:55:30 PM EST

If you fail to refrain from posting posts that request that myself stop visiting this site due to a lack of upvote, I shall have to recommend you for the execution of a voluntary K5 egress procedure (in a rather mandatory fashion).

We (I) recommend that upon commencing such a procedure, that you shallt not drink no alchohol nor coffe nor shallt you consume no solid material, for it shall return from whence it came. In violent, bloody bouts of vomiting. Welcome to Rehabilitation and Detox Inc (TM). We hope you enjoy your stay. We know that we certainly will...

[ Parent ]

request that myself stop? (n/t) (none / 0) (#222)
by Dephex Twin on Fri Sep 27, 2002 at 11:21:48 AM EST




Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -- Homer Simpson
[ Parent ]
All 462+ of us?? (4.71 / 7) (#154)
by Wondertoad on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 03:28:40 PM EST

You wrote your comment 2 hours into the story's existence. Now that it's 26 hours later, 462 of us have voted it down.

When you owe a little money, you listen to the bank; when you owe a lot of money, the bank listens to you.

We will be announcing our requirements for staying on K5 at the time of the posting of this story.

Naysayers unite!


[ Parent ]
Umm (5.00 / 4) (#195)
by rusty on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:00:38 PM EST

Naysayers unite!

No!

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

usernames (4.57 / 14) (#57)
by speek on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:48:05 PM EST

I suspect usernames can give a clear indication of who sucks and who does not. For instance, take "beergut", "persimmon", "mrgoat", "spiralx", "trhurler", "speek", "georgeha", "streetlawyer". These usernames clearly suck, and we can't expect much other than suckiness from their owners, now, can we? Perhaps a list of usernames that totally suck would be very useful. Anyone want to help out?

Clearly, no flame-fest could possibly erupt from this activity....

--
al queda is kicking themsleves for not knowing about the levees

Golly. (4.37 / 8) (#61)
by porkchop_d_clown on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:10:05 PM EST

You didn't list my name. Does this mean I don't suck?


--
Uhhh.... Where did I drop that clue?
I know I had one just a minute ago!


[ Parent ]
No worries. You suck (none / 0) (#182)
by bgarcia on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 07:15:35 AM EST

porkchop_d_clown asks:
You didn't list my name. Does this mean I don't suck?
Considering you post comments with a subject line of "LoL", I would say that you are safely within suck territory.

[ Parent ]
Damn. (none / 0) (#185)
by porkchop_d_clown on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 09:29:46 AM EST

I was afraid of that.


--
Uhhh.... Where did I drop that clue?
I know I had one just a minute ago!


[ Parent ]
the suckitude (4.28 / 7) (#125)
by persimmon on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 10:11:52 PM EST

Of my username is merely a warning to those who have been advised by experts such as Doctor Defect that continued exposure to suckiness could prove to be life-threatening, or worse, lead to chronic sucky conditions such as my own. Sadly, my condition is unresponsive to the suggested treatments, so the best I can do is to warn people of the possible contaigion.

Also, you forgot rizzo what's-his-numbers, m0rzo, duxup and especially greenrd.
--
So There.
[ Parent ]

Heh. (4.42 / 7) (#140)
by scanman on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 08:46:14 AM EST

m0rzo does not suck, and duxup sucks on purpose. If you can't understand that, you suck even worse than you look.

"[You are] a narrow-minded moron [and] a complete loser." - David Quartz
"scanman: The moron." - ucblockhead
"I prefer the term 'lifeskills impaired'" - Inoshiro

[ Parent ]

pfeh (4.60 / 5) (#153)
by persimmon on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 03:20:28 PM EST

duxup's studied and intentional suckiness still sucks, and while m0rzo could never aspire to my heights of suckitude, he still sounds like a 1337 little k1dd13.

No protest on the greenrd front, I see.
--
So There.
[ Parent ]

Well (4.50 / 16) (#58)
by osm on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 01:57:30 PM EST

rulers who suck chicks don't rule because they are busy sucking chicks who rule when they suck but don't rule when they don't suck. then they just suck.

--------
4thelulz.org

Yes (4.16 / 12) (#60)
by krek on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:08:50 PM EST

Way to smoke them Sucks out. A suck simply cannot resist the tastey offerings of a well timed and well written troll. I just wish it had lasted a bit longer, some of these comments are just point-and-laugh-and-procede-to-cry funny.

Thank you Defect, keep trying.

LoL. (4.50 / 12) (#62)
by porkchop_d_clown on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:11:43 PM EST

Dammit, I LOL all the time and I'm proud! Proud, Damn You!


--
Uhhh.... Where did I drop that clue?
I know I had one just a minute ago!


LOL? (5.00 / 1) (#207)
by vectro on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 06:52:40 PM EST

You make me sick.

“The problem with that definition is just that it's bullshit.” -- localroger
[ Parent ]
re: LOL? (none / 0) (#218)
by Thaeus on Thu Apr 25, 2002 at 11:14:03 PM EST

You make me sick.

Like Strawberry Quik!
Your style is wak
You ain't the mac
So yo step back
Get off the crack
And sing a new tune like boom sha lock lock boom

What, am I the only who immediately started thing of "House of Pain"? :)


----
*click*
----


[ Parent ]
thing --> thinking (none / 0) (#219)
by Thaeus on Sat Apr 27, 2002 at 05:25:49 AM EST

Damn, my brain's been on crack lately. Can't think straight, can't type straight, can barely even quote House of Pain lyrics. I think I ought to start up a bit of closet alcoholism to take the edge off, or perhaps I'll experiment with the diligence of the Canadian postal system, sending packages off to "Chris D., who used to live somewhere in cluster housing at UVic, BC, Canada".

So, yeah. Just wanted to point out my silly typo. Please disregard any new typoes in this second message, because that'd be dangerously ironic and recognition would cause your head to explode.

<big>[</big>I think I ought to get some sleep nOw<big>]</big>

(k5 doesn't parse <big>. Very well.)


----
*click*
----


[ Parent ]
Be smart, use something other then 'LOL' (4.86 / 22) (#63)
by carbon on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:12:38 PM EST

Some people say 'LOL' far too often, making you wonder when it is that they breathe. Certainly, this explains the evident lack of oxygen going to their skulls. Thus, in its association with brain power removal, 'LOL' has become an AOLism, and all AOLisms are (of course) sucky by their very nature.

However, some means is still needed for if you want to communicate amusement over some text based medium. Of course, us non-sucky people often need to do this, seeing as how everyone else sucks in many hilarious ways that merit observation. You can't just laugh out loud physically, because then no one will ever know that you did so. And we can't have that, because everyone must know how little you suck!

So what's the solution? Why, it's obviously the subtle but effective 'heh'. 'Heh' gives the impression of amusement without lowering your sucky rating at all: no one would mind if, say, Tiger Woods IRCed to his buddies: 'Heh, I did the wild thing with 2 women simeltanously yesterday.' His non-sucky pals would certainly reply 'Heh, that is quite cool man. Your suckiness level is indeed minimal.'

However, it wouldn't quite work if he restated that, only starting with 'LOL' instead of 'heh'. Such a mistake can have drastic and immediate effects on your "Ratio Of Suck". For example, starting with 'LOL', the previous statement would have instead been 'LOL, d00d, 1 d1dz@ |\|@$+y w1+ +w0 ch1x! W00t w00t!'. As is plainly evident, this is just plain sucky. In many cases, even merely starting a statement with 'LOL' will drastically affect your position on the Sucky-o-meter, and can convert the entire statement to a recursive algorithm of suckiness.

So be smart! Protect yourself from suckiness! Dare to say 'heh'.


Wasn't Dr. Claus the bad guy on Inspector Gadget? - dirvish
Heh. (4.50 / 10) (#64)
by porkchop_d_clown on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:15:44 PM EST

I save "heh" for my sarcastic snort of disdain.

I will state, for the record, that I have never in my life ROFLMAO.


--
Uhhh.... Where did I drop that clue?
I know I had one just a minute ago!


[ Parent ]
It has been done (4.50 / 8) (#139)
by yostinso on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 08:06:05 AM EST

My good friend Natalie has fallen out of a chair and, if not rolled, twitched back and forth on the floor, laughing. Mind you, the general suckiness of the room still managed to go up, as the other few people I was with simultaneously exclaimed "She's ROTFLING!"

--E.O. Stinson

I fight for truth. I fight for glory. I fight for love. I fight for beauty. I am Hero.
[ Parent ]
ridiculous (none / 0) (#176)
by Delirium on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 12:45:50 AM EST

Mind you, the general suckiness of the room still managed to go up, as the other few people I was with simultaneously exclaimed "She's ROTFLING!"
That is indeed enormously sucky.

[ Parent ]
I have to agree (none / 0) (#202)
by curunir on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 02:11:37 PM EST

I reserve the use of the word "heh" for when I can tell someone was trying to be funny, but failed in their attempt. It's more polite than saying, "That wasn't funny. You suck!" but doesn't give any impression that I'm uncontrollably twitching due to the hilarity of what they just said.

For situations where what the person said was actually funny, I prefer to go with either a "*grin*" or a "hehe" (the extra e is key). Both convey to the other person that you appreciate their humor while minimizing the amount you appear to suck.

[ Parent ]
you suck, but you may have potential (4.37 / 8) (#87)
by krek on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:07:32 PM EST

'heh' is just as bad you see,
sufice it to say, if you feel the need to let people know that you do not suck, then, well, you suck!

I appologize for temporarily sucking in order to point this out.

[ Parent ]
Actually.... (4.28 / 7) (#133)
by carbon on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 01:58:33 AM EST

By simply pointing this out, you have sucked permanently, since there is no reason for you to point out that I suck but to let people know that you suck less in comparison. Heh.


Wasn't Dr. Claus the bad guy on Inspector Gadget? - dirvish
[ Parent ]
Heh heh. (4.14 / 7) (#99)
by DarkZero on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:48:45 PM EST

At the beginning of your post, I thought of replying with "Heh" as a suggestion as an appropriate alternative to "LOL". I'm glad to see that you've already seen the light.

[ Parent ]
heh (none / 0) (#180)
by gregholmes on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 05:04:57 AM EST

I've always found "heh" even more annoying than "lol". For one thing, those using it tend to think they're being oh-so-clever, which is annoying by definition. Seems to be equally overused by it's proponents as well.

Oh well. :) Are smileys so out they're in?



[ Parent ]
+1 (4.09 / 11) (#66)
by timg on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:32:36 PM EST

Hee hee hee. Very good. Anyone looks good when they smile. Almost.

-Tim


ROFLOL (3.83 / 12) (#67)
by greyrat on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:35:46 PM EST

...well -- not really.
~ ~ ~
Did I actually read the article? No. No I didn't.
"Watch out for me nobbystyles, Gromit!"

What sucks more than typing "LOL"? (4.66 / 12) (#68)
by rodoke3 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 02:39:25 PM EST

SAYING "LOL"!

I know people who insert AOLisms like this in conversation. This only serves to point out those who are beyond help as far as being cured of their suckiness.

What do I do to stop things like this? I horribly mispronounce them. Nothing stops people from typing "ROTFLMAO" faster than when I ask them what "roat-flah-mao" means. Besides, aren't acronyms supposed to be separated with periods (e.g. C.I.A, N.F.L)?


I take umbrage with such statments and am induced to pull out archaic and over pompous words to refute such insipid vitriol. -- kerinsky


clarification (4.57 / 7) (#84)
by krek on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:59:47 PM EST

An acronym is actually (courtesy of Merriam Webster):

: a word (as NATO, radar, or snafu) formed from the initial letter or letters of each of the successive parts or major parts of a compound term

the ones with periods are just plain old abreviations.

glad to help

[ Parent ]
This would work (4.50 / 14) (#71)
by n8f8 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:00:12 PM EST

Great for the Isreal-palestinian conflict. Sharon and Arafat need to heed the "suck less" creed.

Sig: (This will get posted after your comments)
Sucking (4.25 / 8) (#94)
by MoonVine on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:29:47 PM EST

They need to do more actually. Read up on their songs of solomon, and suck! suck! suck! their anger and inhibitions away. They can always choose not to swallow any of this, but it's defienlty worth a nudge in the pants.

[ Parent ]
Am I the only one... (4.22 / 9) (#95)
by leviramsey on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:32:33 PM EST

who could imagine some sort of web cartoon with that premise?



[ Parent ]
Sure. (4.42 / 7) (#102)
by MattOly on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 05:31:03 PM EST

Call it, "Dude! Where's my Holy War?"

====
A final note to...the Republican party. You do not want to get into a fight with David Letterman. ...He's simply more believable than you are.
[ Parent ]

Ya know,... (4.42 / 7) (#109)
by leviramsey on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 06:18:50 PM EST

Variety reports that a sequel to Dude, Where's My Car? is in the works.

[ Parent ]
Crap... (4.50 / 4) (#156)
by leviramsey on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 04:13:43 PM EST

I didn't realize when I cut and pasted that link that I was doing it to 127.0.0.1...

Here's the actual link...



[ Parent ]
ROFLMFAO! (4.16 / 6) (#150)
by reflective recursion on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 02:34:40 PM EST

Sorry, I couldn't help it. My suckage slipped.

[ Parent ]
Sure (4.46 / 15) (#74)
by Tachys on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:33:36 PM EST

When you wake up every morning, open your eyes, smile wide, and declare to the world "I, world, am going to suck less today." This is important.

Sure this could make you suck less. But wouldn't it also make you more lame?


Any game that gets banned by the Austrailian govt can't be all bad... - Armaphine


looooooool!! (4.33 / 15) (#78)
by J'raxis on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:48:53 PM EST

LOL is not that bad. People who say Looool! (or any lengthening thereof) however, really need to be punched. Hard.

— The Raxis

[ J’raxis·Com | Liberty in your lifetime ]

HELLO (4.52 / 19) (#81)
by Hopfrog on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 03:52:24 PM EST

Have you noticed that when you say a word too often, it starts getting strange, and you forget what the word means? Like when you say suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, after a while, you lose the meaning, and just concentrate on the word, which increasingly becomes frightening and scary?

Or am I the only one who has this? Tell me it isn't so! Tell me I am not wierd!

Hop.

suck suck suck suck suck suck suck (4.55 / 9) (#85)
by suick on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:04:51 PM EST

The constant repetition of the word "suck" is definately eliciting a reaction, however, it's clearly not the one you described.

order in to with the will I around my effort sentences an i of more be fuck annoying.
[ Parent ]
suick suick suick suick suick suick suick suick (4.00 / 2) (#166)
by fluffy grue on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 09:14:44 PM EST

suick suick suick suick
--
"...but who knows, perhaps [stories about] technology and hardware will come to be [unpopular]." -- rusty the p
[
Parent ]
Suck? (3.62 / 8) (#90)
by Sethamin on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:11:16 PM EST

Maybe it's b/c you suck. <g>

A society should not be judged by its output of junk, but by what it thinks is significant. -Neil Postman
[ Parent ]

It happens, but not with suck. (3.00 / 1) (#172)
by bunsen on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 11:39:26 PM EST

Suck seems to have its meaning too well imprinted in my mind for that to happen, though it happens with other words fairly often. Solution? Get a thesaurus and expand your vocabulary, and reduce the frequency with which any particular word is repeated.

But you're still wierd.

---
Do you want your possessions identified? [ynq] (n)
[ Parent ]

Oh yes.... (4.00 / 1) (#186)
by boyde on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 09:50:30 AM EST

I have had the same the reaction to many words, including ones such as 'what', 'goose' and 'comflabulatoriness'.
Rolling around in the muck is no way to get clean.
[ Parent ]
losing meaning (none / 0) (#193)
by duien on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 11:38:50 AM EST

That always happens to me with 'bubble' and the letter h. It's really funny when a letter doesn't mean anything anymore. Give it a try sometime! :)

[ Parent ]
One theory that came to mind... (none / 0) (#198)
by romanpoet on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:27:41 PM EST

As a word is used more and more often in a short period, there is a higher chance of it being used as different parts of speech. i.e.

verb - I suck
noun - you are suck
adj - that's sucky
adverb - I performed suckfu, yet suckily

Just by planning around with the parts of speech and the various implied nuances and shades of meaning within each sentence, the word (to me at least) slowly starts to lose direct meaning, and instead becomes more of an abstract concept or idea.

-Romanpoet

[ Parent ]
What causes it (none / 0) (#199)
by Charles Blachly on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:45:35 PM EST

What i think causes this confusion and loss of meaning is when you have a word (my favorite is 'grass') where you have to change the shape of your mouth, thus changing the timbre of the sound. "suck" is like a 'u' sound with noise at the beginning or the end.

When you repeat changing words over and over again, your ears get attuned to that particular SOUND, not the meaning behind it.

Or.. at least that's my thoughts..

charlesblachly

[ Parent ]
Other languages... (none / 0) (#208)
by Rk on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 07:30:40 PM EST

When you learn other languages, words and expressions in your mother tongue suddenly start to seem so foreign. Whereas there would have been no doubt as to the veracity of a phrase beforehand, now you start to think whether or not the phrase is correct in this context, whether the phrase belongs to another languages or whether it is spelled and conjugated correctly. (the latter especially with words that sound or look similar to words in your first language.) Try learning a third language and it can get really nasty. As such, it's important that, even if you're concentrating on learning another language (and I doubt the majority of K5ers are) you should still read and write English (or whatever you're original language is/was) so you don't lose competance in grammar and spelling.

Often I find myself writing a phrase that would have made sense in German but not in English - like "konkret", which is something that is definite or material, not the stuff you build structures out of. In other words, concrete in a metaphorical sense, rather than in a literal sense. For the substance itself, the word beton - taken out of French - is used. I also (taking an example that came to me while writing this comment) sometimes confuse the German and English prepositions bei and by.

So you are not alone, but your example of suck was a bad one. For me, suck has lost none of it's meaning.

[ Parent ]
Man.. (4.31 / 19) (#89)
by rebelcool on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:09:20 PM EST

all this sucking is turning me on. Where is my piece of the action? Cmon, give up the sucky sucky.

COG. Build your own community. Free, easy, powerful. Demo site

Question for the unsuckage expert :) (4.75 / 12) (#96)
by Hillman on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:45:21 PM EST

This article brought a smile on my face and in my quest to obtain my PhD in unsuckage science I would like to ask you, the expert, a question.
Let's say that, in general, girls find me cute, and I sometimes make jokes on how i'm supposedly ugly. Is that a turn off, turn on, or it's just sad and not nice to ugly people.

I do the same thing... (4.25 / 8) (#97)
by rebelcool on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:48:10 PM EST

Although I dont think its ever helped in getting me laid.

COG. Build your own community. Free, easy, powerful. Demo site
[ Parent ]

well (4.71 / 7) (#100)
by Defect on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 04:53:02 PM EST

Girl's aren't terribly thrilled with guys that put themselves down, but modesty certainly doesn't hurt. As long as you've got an air of sarcasm and/or insincerity then it probably wouldn't be looked at as pathetic.

Trial and error.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
ok. Real world example. (4.42 / 7) (#123)
by Hillman on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 08:59:41 PM EST

This afternoon we had a physics lab. It was a lab in spectometry(sp?) so we had to draw the curtains around our lab space. So my partner and I finished(ok, left) before the totally hot chick behind us.(which during all the syllabus rubbed her arms and and breasts on my arm/shoulder while looking in my book even tho hers was open while her boyfriend was next to her. My ass is so gonna get kicked.). And while we were cleaning up(uh?) I started to draw the curtains back and she and her labmates said to let the curtains drawn(I guess because they weren't finished). And I said(well paraphrase):"I knew we were ugly but not at that point."(Hillarity ensues.). So experts, what do you think?(Except that i should totally go with the advances from the girl and get my ass kicked).

P.S. What's more sad, the fact that i put myself down or that i'm asking for dating/relationship/etc advice on kuro5hin?

[ Parent ]

well (4.00 / 8) (#124)
by white light on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 09:23:01 PM EST

So experts, what do you think?

I think if you're going to frequent physics labs, you ought to learn how to spell spectrometry.

Then you would suck less.


..do you really want to help foster this type of laziness?
[ Parent ]

hey pedantic bastard. (4.25 / 8) (#129)
by Hillman on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 11:13:32 PM EST

I have physics courses because i don't have the choice. Here in Quebec, we have to take a 2 years course(cegep) after highschool before entering University. And some time ago they merged Life Sciences and Nerd Sciences(Physics, math and stuff). So I don't have a fucking choice to take these physics courses. And if i could i would go back in time and kill planck, bohr, einsten, etc. they just complicate abstract stuff that nobody give a flying fuck about but we still have to learn. While most of us don't give a damn about physics, we still have to take those courses. Let's say motivation isn't there. And while i know that this isn't a valid excuse on k5, english isn't my native language.

Boy, that felt great.

[ Parent ]

I could tell English wasn't your native language (4.28 / 7) (#155)
by Yellowbeard on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 03:37:56 PM EST

And you did very well, frankly. I knew what you meant. If he tries to kick your ass, 1, she probably won't be impressed. 2, The elbows, man, use the elbows. Or you can always go for the forehead to the nose - that'll teach him.

"Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt." - Deniro in Ronin


[ Parent ]
Oh, come on... (4.00 / 2) (#171)
by bunsen on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 11:33:45 PM EST

...physics isn't that bad. Well, nothing you could cover in 2 years is that bad. I only wish that the average American dumbass^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hstudent had to pass 2 years' worth of physics classes. Maybe that would reduce the number of people who think airplanes fly by some magical force, or that magnets and crystals will somehow improve their health. A bit of classical mechanics can do wonders to improve driving habits, too.

Spectrometry, however, is incredibly boring, none too relevant to the average person's life, and should never be inflicted upon non-science students.

And now back to writing the paper on a moderately obscure aspect of quantum electrodynamics that's due in 9.5 hours.

---
Do you want your possessions identified? [ynq] (n)
[ Parent ]

Explanation (4.55 / 9) (#138)
by dark on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 07:41:04 AM EST

They wanted you to keep the curtains drawn because they were secretly fucking each other. That's why she kept rubbing up against you. It wasn't intentional, she just couldn't completely hide the motion from her boyfriend's vigorous thrusts.

Their hilarity was probably just relief that you hadn't noticed. Next time, get pictures so that you can blackmail her.



[ Parent ]
AHOYFT (5.00 / 1) (#209)
by Ubiq on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 08:26:06 PM EST

Now I suck, too. yAy.

[ Parent ]
Get over yourself (3.95 / 23) (#104)
by humpasaur on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 05:44:30 PM EST

First of all, your repetitive use of the word sucks, well it sucks.

"Ugly" people are the last outpost of attack for people who just a few generations(or less) ago might have focused their venom on desegregationists or immigrant workers.

They are different than you and perceived to be lower on the social ladder than yourself. Why not pick on them?

Who's going to get mad? You can always tell them "Hey, I was talking about actual ugly people, not you mom."

I have body hair, so therefore I must shave it all off just to please you. It is "sickening" to have body hair?

Honestly, I did have a good laugh at some of your article. However, if you're going to rag on "ugly" people, you ought to start by posting your own picture at the top of the article.

Here's an idea, instead of looking for all the things in the world that "suck," why not start looking for the things that you actually like?
----

*sigh* Must I explain FURTHER?

Sucky sense of humour (none / 0) (#206)
by der on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 05:32:25 PM EST

Here's an idea, instead of looking for all the things in the world that "suck," why not start looking for the things that you actually like?

Now where is the entertainment value in that? :)



[ Parent ]
Hmm... (none / 0) (#211)
by humpasaur on Sat Apr 20, 2002 at 04:20:34 AM EST

Y'know, a friend of mine mentioned that it's a lot funner to make fun of things that are stupid than to look for things you like.

I gotta agree that it's real easy to have a good laugh because someone is wearing unfashionable pants. But it's not necessarily BETTER.

As I said, I actually thought a lot of the article was funny but the whole "I am grossed out by the way people look different" thing just annoys me. It annoys me so much that I started growing a mullet as a fuck you to assholes who don't want to like someone just because they look weird.
----

*sigh* Must I explain FURTHER?
[ Parent ]

I don't see anything wrong with it... (none / 0) (#214)
by der on Sat Apr 20, 2002 at 02:52:49 PM EST

... as long as it's in good fun. I make fun of people all the time, both to their faces and behind their backs, friends and enemies, everyone. Why not? It's funny, and it's all in good fun.

The biggest problem is people who take everything to goddamn seriously. If someone makes fun of me (given that I have really long hair, this isn't all that uncommon), I don't care, it's funny.

Basically, the whole world needs to lighten the hell up. :)

Yes, it changes if people genuinely hate the people their 'making fun of', but I'd call that harrassment.



[ Parent ]
-1 (3.96 / 26) (#108)
by YesNoCancel on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 06:10:43 PM EST

Situation 5: You start writing a story on kuro5hin titled "How to Suck Less"

  • Sucky Solution: As a matter of fact, you suck. To divert attention from this, you are trying to teach other people how not to suck. This, however, doesn't change the fact that you yourself still suck.
  • Non-sucky Solution Don't write a story about how not to suck. It makes it obvious to everyone that YOU suck. Instead, turn off your computer and leave your flat for the first time in weeks. You will notice that most people outside your flat don't suck. Learn from them.


that was... (3.75 / 4) (#164)
by KiTaSuMbA on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 08:28:10 PM EST

LOL!!!
He would get a +1 from me if he wrote like that!
There is no Dopaminergic Pepperoni Kabal!
[ Parent ]
+1 from me (3.60 / 15) (#112)
by Angelic Upstart on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 06:24:17 PM EST

Most of the people on this site really need to get laid and drunk so bad it hurts. Really guys and girls leave your house and get fucked NO MATTER HOW JUST DO IT GODDAMNIT. I'm going to leave right now and go over to a booty call. see ya all later have fun I know I will be.

Ah ha! (4.14 / 7) (#119)
by MattOly on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 08:02:55 PM EST

You may now just be my new favorite commentor, and I'm not being sarcastic.

====
A final note to...the Republican party. You do not want to get into a fight with David Letterman. ...He's simply more believable than you are.
[ Parent ]

Finally, a GENUINELY GOOD IDEA!! (none / 0) (#204)
by toganet on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 02:45:47 PM EST

Get laid?! Why didn't I think of that?

Seriously though -- you have succeeded where others have failed, in cutting to the heart of the loserness in all of k5./p>

Johnson's law: Systems resemble the organizations that create them.


[ Parent ]
F*cking Puritans (none / 0) (#220)
by Boronx on Mon Apr 29, 2002 at 01:54:49 PM EST

If you are a certain quality of nerd, in certain locations in this prudish country (U.S.), getting laid is next to impossible. If the hippies had won in the sixties, we would have a government social agency to solve this problem.

I've never been to Europe, but I understand a nerd can get some pretty regularly over there. You guys don't realize it, but with some smart marketing you could brain drain this country very fast...
Subspace
[ Parent ]

-1, wrong site (3.66 / 15) (#116)
by axxeman on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 07:27:52 PM EST

Also, if no-one sucks, no-one gets sucked, which would surely be a Bad Thing.

Not yet. Don't come before we have finished humping...

You're such a tease. (4.37 / 8) (#120)
by communista on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 08:08:02 PM EST

At least tell us which site to go to....WE DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!
/me fucks shit up!!!!
[ Parent ]
My opinion of the proper site: (3.90 / 10) (#122)
by GreenHell on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 08:31:22 PM EST

After reading the article, I thought the bitter "I hate you all"-style 'humour' would be better suited for here.

(Note: I don't find any of their articles funny, nor did I find his one to be even the slightest bit humourous.)

-GreenHell
This .sig was my last best hope to seem eloquent. It failed.
[ Parent ]
Note (none / 0) (#181)
by streetlawyer on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 05:45:31 AM EST

Note: There's a rickshaw driver in Vientiane, Laos, who doesn't give a fuck about your opinion of Adequacy, and I think I agree with him.

I'll extend the same offer to you that I extend to all other whiners; post your IP number here or email it to legal@adequacy.org and I'll arrange to have it banned. Then you won't have to read the articles you don't like, and we can avoid wasting our bandwidth on you.

--
Just because things have been nonergodic so far, doesn't mean that they'll be nonergodic forever
[ Parent ]

Heh. (none / 0) (#184)
by porkchop_d_clown on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 09:26:23 AM EST

I'll extend the same offer to you that I extend to all other whiners; post your IP number here or email it to legal@adequacy.org and I'll arrange to have it banned.

you're gonna set them up a distributed DOS attack aren't you?


--
Uhhh.... Where did I drop that clue?
I know I had one just a minute ago!


[ Parent ]
Doesn't it tell you something (none / 0) (#190)
by roam on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 11:17:53 AM EST

That you have to have a whole department (the legal department no less) to handle the flood of emails you're going to get with this request?

___
Are they like hamsters?
Specifically, can I tape up a chinchilla, slather him in axle grease, and shove him up my ass? - Patrick Bateman


[ Parent ]
No (none / 0) (#191)
by streetlawyer on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 11:33:37 AM EST

Legal@adequacy.org is my email address, because I am the general counsel for adequacy. Simple as that.

--
Just because things have been nonergodic so far, doesn't mean that they'll be nonergodic forever
[ Parent ]
Are you sure (5.00 / 1) (#192)
by roam on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 11:37:56 AM EST

You'll be able to handle it all yourself?

___
Are they like hamsters?
Specifically, can I tape up a chinchilla, slather him in axle grease, and shove him up my ass? - Patrick Bateman


[ Parent ]
Funny (2.00 / 1) (#197)
by broken77 on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:13:49 PM EST

Note: There's a rickshaw driver in Vientiane, Laos, who doesn't give a fuck about your opinion of Adequacy, and I think I agree with him.
You didn't give a fuck about his opinion so much, that you had to post a comment and tell him off.

I'm starting to doubt all this happy propaganda about Islam being a religion of peace. Heck, it's just as bad as Christianity. -- Dphitz
[ Parent ]

Get your logic straight (none / 0) (#200)
by streetlawyer on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:54:58 PM EST

I clearly care about his whining about his opinion of adequacy; it's the actual opinion I don't care about. If he was whining favourably, I'd tell him to fuck off too.

--
Just because things have been nonergodic so far, doesn't mean that they'll be nonergodic forever
[ Parent ]
My logic is straight as an arrow (5.00 / 1) (#205)
by broken77 on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 02:50:58 PM EST

I think it's quite clear he wasn't whining, but was merely stating his personal opinion of adequacy.org, which you responded to. An example of him whining would have been something along the lines of "I am so sick of the quality of articles on adequacy. I'm really tired of reading all the poor trolls, and wish people would just try harder to make the quality a bit better." That is a whine. What he did was merely giving his opinion, which is, basically "this post wasn't very good, and belongs on adequacy (which I don't like)".

I'm starting to doubt all this happy propaganda about Islam being a religion of peace. Heck, it's just as bad as Christianity. -- Dphitz
[ Parent ]

You don't find it funny? (none / 0) (#189)
by derek3000 on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 11:02:43 AM EST

Maybe it's because HTML doesn't have <sarcasm></sarcasm> tags, which is the only thing you geeks seem to understand.

-----------
Not too political, nothing too clever!--Liars
[ Parent ]

ROFLMAO (4.00 / 16) (#118)
by subgenius on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 07:51:46 PM EST

At your black hole of suckage. I really like large women and think they are quite beautiful. I also bet some of the women that are pretty to you would be ugly to me. WTF
Drive On!
Drive On!
sigh (4.00 / 19) (#126)
by pistols on Wed Apr 17, 2002 at 10:26:41 PM EST

I swear if this gets posted I'm not going to come back to Kuro5hin for a month :P

good! (4.00 / 9) (#146)
by duck soup on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 01:57:32 PM EST

bye!

[ Duck Soup not of the CoD ]
[ Parent ]
thank you, Alec Baldwin - nt (4.00 / 2) (#175)
by Rahaan on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 12:12:51 AM EST




you know, jake.. i've noticed that, since the tacos started coming, the mail doesn't so much come as often, or even at all
[ Parent ]
Cool article (4.00 / 13) (#141)
by MSBob on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 09:45:38 AM EST

ROFL!!!
I don't mind paying taxes, they buy me civilization.

LOL!!! ROTFLMAO!!! Bwaaaahahahahahahahaha! (3.82 / 17) (#142)
by X-Nc on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 11:54:11 AM EST

I don't mind people who suck... It's when they don't swallow that bother me.

--
Aaahhhh!!!! My K5 subscription expired. Now I can't spell anymore.
I just don't understand sometimes. (none / 0) (#196)
by broken77 on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:08:40 PM EST

The article mentions unintelligent, and just plain bad, humor. And yet this post gets a "5" rating by most people (including the author of the story who broadly criticizes other people's humor). And this, despite the fact that the whole suck/swallow joke is so completely old, tired and incredibly banal, that it hardly deserves a "1".

I'm starting to doubt all this happy propaganda about Islam being a religion of peace. Heck, it's just as bad as Christianity. -- Dphitz
[ Parent ]

Oh well.... (none / 0) (#213)
by X-Nc on Sat Apr 20, 2002 at 01:18:12 PM EST

I guess that some peoples sense of humor is broader than others. I was just posting a comment in the same line as the original authors "story". I don't see what's wrong with a banal comment to a banal story.

--
Aaahhhh!!!! My K5 subscription expired. Now I can't spell anymore.
[ Parent ]
notice (none / 0) (#217)
by Defect on Mon Apr 22, 2002 at 11:12:18 AM EST

Nearly every single comment on this story got a five from me. Even the personal attacks.

What that means is left up to you.
defect - jso - joseth || a link
[ Parent ]
+1 FP (3.88 / 9) (#151)
by nebby on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 02:37:49 PM EST

+1, will piss off people who actually suck, regardless of if this was actually a joke or not.

Half-Empty: A global community of thoughts ideas and knowledge.
"Trying every day to suck less..." (3.87 / 8) (#158)
by nstenz on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 04:29:17 PM EST

"...whoever he is."

"No... Actually, I have a friend in town named 'Les', and-- nevermind."

A radio station I listen to regularly used to use that one. I'm wondering if their parent media company made that one up, or if it's actually theirs and theirs alone. I'm guessing someone else thought of it.

I suck and no one seems to mind... (4.55 / 9) (#162)
by opalhawk on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 07:46:51 PM EST

But that is just because I am so damned good at it...

My advice to other potentially sucky people: Suck, suck it up and swallow. nothing makes a sucky sucker suck suckier than spiting.




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
-Nietzsche
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
friedrich wilhem (4.40 / 5) (#167)
by klamath on Thu Apr 18, 2002 at 09:15:50 PM EST

"One must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star."
-Nietzche
If you're going to quote Nietzsche out of context, the least you can do is spell his name correctly: Nietzsche.

And while I'm on the subject, do you need 2 lines of asterisks and tildes?

[ Parent ]

Oops. (none / 0) (#216)
by opalhawk on Sun Apr 21, 2002 at 06:12:43 PM EST

The typo tally will add one missed "s", please.

I would put all of Thus spoke Zarathustra in my sig if I could, but you will notice there is a limit to the amount of text you can include.

As for my choice of decorative asterisks and tildes, yes, I do feel I need them to complete the aesthetic. Is there a problem with that?




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
-Nietzsche
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
[ Parent ]
Hm... (4.79 / 24) (#177)
by Skwirl on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:01:44 AM EST

Most of you think you're being funny when in actuality you are sucking tremendously.
You know, this is exactly what I was thinking while reading this...

--
"Nothing in the world is more distasteful to a man than to take the path that leads to himself." -- Herman Hesse
The easiest way to stop sucking (4.20 / 5) (#178)
by Lynoure on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 02:46:25 AM EST

The easiest way to stop sucking is to stop trying to please everybody else. Just be yourself and mind not if other people want to get wrinkles by frowning at you.

It sucks to be you if you are slavishly following opinions of other people.

Exactly. (2.00 / 1) (#188)
by Vermifax on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 10:01:39 AM EST

"It sucks to be you if you are slavishly following opinions of other people."

Kinda like if you were to take this article's opinion and try to follow it. lol.
- Welcome to the Federation Starship SS Buttcrack.
[ Parent ]
I must honestly say that (4.00 / 4) (#179)
by debolaz on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 02:48:02 AM EST

It sucks that this story didnt make it to the front page. :(

bloodhound gang (4.33 / 3) (#194)
by shanks on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 12:51:34 PM EST

to quote the bloodhound gang:

"Well I hate you, but you hate yourself too.
I hate to be honest, but I'd hate to be you."

--Jimmy Pop

Great article (4.00 / 4) (#201)
by Rhodes on Fri Apr 19, 2002 at 01:58:39 PM EST

LOL!!!!!! :)

YES! (none / 0) (#210)
by dorinda on Sat Apr 20, 2002 at 01:34:16 AM EST

Best guidelines EVER. I'm going to keep sucking though.

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? (2.50 / 2) (#215)
by mindwoven on Sat Apr 20, 2002 at 09:23:56 PM EST

sorry,
but I'm feeling shitty
but seriously, doesn't posting anti-suck rules suck.

You Suck (5.00 / 1) (#221)
by dirvish on Thu May 16, 2002 at 12:55:47 PM EST

LOL!!!

Technical Certification Blog, Anti Spam Blog
How to Suck Less | 221 comments (155 topical, 66 editorial, 0 hidden)
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