We, the subjects of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and indentured servants of his lordship, the President of Island One, Tony Blair the First, resisting the evil and terrorism and paedophilia imposed by dissidents, deviants and people whom his Lordship, Tony Blair the First doth not liketh, united to create a more perfect civil service, a health care system that actually works and video camera in every loungeroom hereby adopt the following constitution:
1. The Name of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island shall be the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island, unless otherwise specified. It's national motto shall be "War is Peace, Ignorance is Strength, Freedom is Slavery.". It's national anthem shall be The Funeral March.
2. His lordship, Tony Blair the First, is the sovereign president of United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island, and shall have the power to collect a tax not exceeding 200% of the GDP of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island, shall have the power to install a video camera in every loungeroom, to create goverment departments with the aim of ensuring that no act nor thought shall go unrecorded and that there shall be a permit for everything and everyone at all times for all purposes, shall insure that the police do not pursue criminals but rather are used to suppress, oppress and repress political dissidents, social deviants and people whom he doth not liketh, and shall have the power to kick all those nasty dissidents, deviants and people whom he doth not liketh out of parliament, should such a body exist thusforth, and to insure that everybody shall have the right to be paid for their contribution to the civil service, whether or not such a contribution has been rendered.
3. There is no three. George Bush didn't like so we got rid of it. The peasants shouldn't get any stupid ideas.
4. See 3
5. Nobody shall be detained except by a civil servant.
6. Everyone is a civil servant. Except dissidents and deviants. And people who Blair doth not liketh.
7. Everyone shall have the right to freely express their opinion, so long as they are a civil servant and do so with the prior approval of Ministry of Information, which shall insure that no undesirable or unfortunate views are expressed. Or opinions that Blair doth not liketh.
8. Everyone shall have the right to vote for his Lordship, Tony Blair the First.
9. Unless otherwise specified, everyone may only vote for his Lordship, Tony Blair the First.
10. Nobody shall be punished for a crime that does not exist, unless that person is a dissident, deviant or a person whom Blair doth not liketh.
11. Parliamentry elections are free to everyone who supports his Lordship, Tony Blair the First, and who advocate his accession to the Throne of England.
12. The death penalty is not allowed. Except for dissidents, deviants and people whom Tony Blair doth not liketh.
13. The ministry of information shall insure that the public is well informed by the truth, as determined by his Lordship, Tony Blair the First.
14. The ministry of love shall insure that every person shall give his Lordship, Tony Blair the First the respect that he, as our divine, indivisable and unavoidable regent duly deserves and that no person make a comment discriminating against this great constitution or the order that is imposes.
15. The ministry of peace shall insure that, in due time, all other nation recognise the greatness of his Lordship, Tony Blair the First and that they unite to eliminate poverty, hatred or oppression, except as imposed by his Lordship, Tony Blair the First.
16. The ministry of plenty shall ensure that every subject recieves the same and what it deserves, namely enough to ensure it's continued servitude under this regime.
17. Nobody shall we under observation in their private residency, unless they are on the civil list.
18. Everyone shall be listed on the civil list.
19. Nobody shall have a private residency.
20. Two plus two shall henceforth equal five. His Lordship, Tony Blair the First shall have the power to enforce this provision.
21. Nothing in this document shall be understood to imply that subjects of his Lordship, Tony Blair the First, actually have rights.
22. This constitution is valid until his Lordship, Tony Blair the First says otherwise.
Done, on the ninety seventh year of his Lordship, Tony Blair the First.