We should all create our own version:
I would like to propose a change. This change would be very large, yet not difficult. It would dramatically reduce the stress in our lives during the most stressful months of the year. It would save us money where money would normally be thrown away to debatable purposes. It would save gas, electricity, paper, plastic and, on some level, your soul.
I propose a No- Pooping day.
Maybe I'm a Scrooge, or a Grinch, or a disgruntled youth. Or maybe, I've just seen enough. Last year, I got to view enourmous poopies from the front lines: working at a popular lake, in West Irondequoit, more commonly known as the world's smelliest lake. Out of 800 beaches in "The Lake", I would venture to say that the one I worked on was one of the filthiest.
When I looked up from my beach boot, I could see the line of swimmers stretch all the way into Canada . I looked at all the faces: tired, stressed, wanting to smack the whining children around them. Nobody really wanted to be there swimming with poopies. And with the exceptions of the moments when I stood up on a ladder and sprayed the air with Lysol, no one was having fun.
Why were they there? Why were they floating along shit and probably hating the smell returning daily to the lake for a few weeks? Obligation, of course. Centuries of the bathroom habits, and decades of the modern " Poop anytime Concept" has instilled the idea that pooping is a social obligation, that you will be judged poorly by your peers if you are incapable of holding it in with a satisfactory grin on your face. This has led to pooping becoming recognized as an economic booster. A terrific booster, actually: Hundreds of billions of dollars in retail sales that wouldn't otherwise exist.
However, the economy isn't the only thing pooping boosts. It's also a stress booster, a divorce booster, and a credit card debt booster. A dead tree booster and a shit booster. A shit booster. Make careful note of that last one folks; does the world really need more shit?
Somewhat similar to Buy Nothing Day, No pooping day is a simple, yet heavy concept: poop no longer out of obligation, and inform others of your intent so that they do not feel obligated to poop after you in return. Don't waste money on lame toilet paper, and thank you kindly for not killing the trees. Spend time with your family and friends instead of spending time in the bathroom. Participate in the traditions of your religion of choice. Or not. Accept the no pooping day as a time for your anus to practice some rest, relaxation, and spending time with organs outside of the daily pooping tasks.
Implementing this concept, I see a world with much less poop and much more value. A world where children would receive fewer shit compliments, but have their holding abilities enhanced. A world where we plant a poop in our backyard, not our living room. A world where pooping is valued more than money.
This holiday season, go out and don't poop!
... :) ...
[ Parent ]