Kuro5hin.org: technology and culture, from the trenches
create account | help/FAQ | contact | links | search | IRC | site news
[ Everything | Diaries | Technology | Science | Culture | Politics | Media | News | Internet | Op-Ed | Fiction | Meta | MLP ]
We need your support: buy an ad | premium membership

the troll gap

By turmeric in Op-Ed
Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 05:35:26 PM EST
Tags: Freedom (all tags)

Today the US faces a substantial troll gap between the number and quality of trolls in our own country, and that of our enemies.

Each year, the Institute for Comparative Troll Studies publishes a report on the state of trolling vis a vis national security of the United States. This year, the outlook is not good.

Although the US posesses superior trolling to Iraq, the very focus on this disparity is part of the problem. Husseins skills are perhaps at the bottom of the troll-ladder of the world. 100% votes, 'the mother of all battles', etc, are not good trolls. All they do is get him laughed at. Nobody says 'by gum, he is right'.

North Korea, however, points to a problem. North Korea 'stunned the world' by announcing it had nukes, a good troll. Unsuspected, got lots of press coverage, and caused dozens of front page articles on various magazines in the US. Even Hussein, whom the US is about to murder, has not gotten as much coverage as Kim Jong-Il. One would think the stereotype cartoonist factories have gone quiet, with the sheer lack of creativity devoted to lampooning Iraq in recent months.

North Korea is now saying that it has the right to pre-emptively attack the United States. Again, this is a pretty good troll. It simulatneously pisses people off and unbuttons their hypocrisy: the US is at the very moment trying to push forward a 'pre-emptive strike' philosophy of modern warfare: this theory has not been all that popular in the US, a nation in which children routinely justify attacks by saying 'he/she hit me first'. Again, North Korea could hardly have chosen a better subject or time to troll the world with this idiom.

But it doesn't stop there. Recently a German government official conformed to Godwin's Law and called the US leaders somewhat like Hitler. Maybe this is an urban out-of-context legend, but it doesn't matter if you are trolling, does it? The fact that it is from the same country that birthed the Nazis makes this a particularly sticky and annoying troll in the minds of the USian reader.

On the US side, we have basically been scattered. Our Trolls are lacking in quality and skill. People like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, CNN, Crossfire, Bill O'Reilly, Jon Stewart, Arianna Huffington, etc, they simply do not stack up to this new breed of trolling from across the oceans.

I am not quite sure how to explain this. Perhaps the US has gotten lazy from having life too easy. Limbaugh et al are unfocused, unsure of themselves, and ignorant of the fundamentals of trolling. They lack historical background knowledge, and they fail to comprehend the motivations of the 'liberals' they tirade against. Huffington and whatnot are disconnected from the masses and unable to coalesce their vast mounds of facts about what is wrong with the conservatives into any kind of emotional climax. Their comments routinely fail to make world headlines.

American government officials like Colin Powell fail to understand trolling completely. In his simplistic view of the world, all that matters are facts and figures and slow deliberate explanation: a ludicrous proposition in any age, especially when you completely fail to produce any facts and figures to refute your most virulent opponents. Ordinarily use of facts can destroy an opponent troll, but silence never will.

His hangers on, Bush, Cheney, etc, are so completely devoid of life accomplishment or moral character (a couple DUIs, coke heads, frat boys, etc) that their lame attempts at trolling lose all credibility.

I think the US needs to implement a troll retention program, troll development and training programs, and various other troll technology that will enable it to compete in the 21st century international troll arena. Otherwise, we are just so many hot grits down the pants of history.


Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure


Related Links
o Also by turmeric

Display: Sort:
the troll gap | 158 comments (86 topical, 72 editorial, 0 hidden)
Troll Development in the USA and Scandinavia (4.64 / 17) (#1)
by noogie on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 03:53:26 PM EST

The USA is the strongest economy in the world today, with a total GDP of $10143.2 billion. However, in the United Nations Troll Development Index, the most widely recognised measure of quality of life, it is ranked only sixth. This is in comparison to the Scandinavian trolls of Norway, Sweden, Finland and Denmark, which are consistently good performers in terms of the TDI. The USA does not perform poorly, but its ranking is despite the fact that Norway (ranked first in the TDI index) has at $29,918 (Purchasing Power Parity $) a much lower GDP per capita than the US, ranked sixth in the TDI, with a per capita GDP of $34,142.

Trolltech (4.57 / 7) (#3)
by pdrap on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 04:03:40 PM EST

The company Trolltech is Norwegian I think.

Anyway, I voted +1 because this story presents a different and funny way of looking at our scary current events.

[ Parent ]

Spare me the ignorance! (3.75 / 4) (#20)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 06:19:22 PM EST

First of all, Scandinavia consists only of Sweden and Norway. But you clump Norway, Sweden, Finland and Denmark together as 'Scandinavia'. What you mean to say is 'nordic', but even then you're wrong: Iceland belongs to that group.

Two wrongs don't make it right, sonny!

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
-- George Orwell

[ Parent ]
Don't blame me, I didn't write it (3.50 / 2) (#22)
by noogie on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 06:34:12 PM EST

I just lifted it from some other story in the submission queue, and changed some words to troll.

[ Parent ]
Way to kill a perfectly good flamefest! (3.33 / 3) (#27)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 08:33:50 PM EST

I lifted mine off a comment in the very same story but reversed my POV on the subject.

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
-- George Orwell

[ Parent ]
The TDI is leftist-international UN political spin (3.33 / 3) (#24)
by Noam Chompsky on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 07:40:40 PM EST

Scandinavians are gaunt psychotic gnomes living a life of unrelieved drink and gloom north of the Arctic Circle.

Faster, liberalists, Parent ]

Ah (4.00 / 1) (#146)
by Subtillus on Mon Feb 10, 2003 at 10:51:23 PM EST

Sounds like a slice of heaven to me...

gnomish binges, darkness, cod: I love it.

[ Parent ]

Troll Studies now! (4.66 / 12) (#5)
by dr k on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 04:10:45 PM EST

When I was in school, I had to file a zillion petitions just to take an independant study class on trolling. Then, after everything had been approved, the bookstore refused to order the books I needed, like Limbaugh's _The Way Things Ought to Be_, stating that they were inappropriate material for the school environment.

If we don't require Troll Studies for our college graduates, we are doomed to a future of harmonious discourse and cocktail parties where everyone talks about their favorite tv shows.

Destroy all trusted users!

I had to to beg for the college library to order (5.00 / 5) (#6)
by noogie on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 04:15:42 PM EST

Steven's 'Advanced Trolling in the Unix Environment'

[ Parent ]
my library had that book (5.00 / 4) (#8)
by dr k on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 04:42:22 PM EST

but some feminists had torn out or obliterated all the illustrations.

Destroy all trusted users!
[ Parent ]

because we can do without them and you can't (nt) (none / 0) (#115)
by mami on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 08:00:01 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Eunix (none / 0) (#142)
by b1t r0t on Mon Feb 10, 2003 at 11:37:19 AM EST

I would think that the feminists would like the idea of more eunuchs in the world.

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.
[ Parent ]
you must be joking! (5.00 / 3) (#19)
by spacebrain on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 06:10:55 PM EST

> Then, after everything had been approved, the bookstore refused to order the books I needed, like Limbaugh's The Way Things Ought to Be, stating that they were inappropriate material for the school environment.

If this is not a bad joke, then I am shocked! And your president calls his country "free"?!?
I've heard similar stories only from my friends attending school in Czech Republic of the '80s, when it was a satellite country of the USSR...
What's going on? A bookstore refusing to order books? Is that called freedom? Is that called capitalism?

[ Parent ]

Trolltastic (4.60 / 10) (#9)
by DeepOmega on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 04:43:54 PM EST

This is the embodiment of trollicious. I've no doubt that only the finest, free-range, Troll Growth Hormone Free trolls went into this post. Indeed, dozens of trolls must have been used, for only a very small amount of the choicest meat can be gleaned from each one. Yummy. +1 FP

Peace and much love...

by circletimessquare on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 10:59:36 PM EST

oh yeah...



C:\>tracert life.liberty.pursuit-of-happiness
[ Parent ]

We must not allow a trollcraft gap! (4.75 / 4) (#12)
by graal on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 05:02:51 PM EST

Mein President!

For Thou hast commanded, and so it is, that every
inordinate affection should be its own punishment.
-- St. Augustine (Confessions, i)

I've said it before, I'll say it again (4.33 / 6) (#23)
by Rogerborg on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 06:48:08 PM EST

Ein Reich!  Ein Volk!  Ein turmeric!

"Exterminate all rational thought." - W.S. Burroughs
[ Parent ]

You should Add. . . (4.75 / 12) (#13)
by minerboy on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 05:04:26 PM EST

What America would be like if it had really good Trolls at the Helm. Even Clinton's "I did not have sex with that women",(well not intercourse, and she tricked me into it) was only mediocre compared to Kim jung Il. Colin Powell should have gone in front of the UN, and stated that the U.S. was annexing Canada, followed by any other country who see's fit to support a terrorist loving, Jewish skin lampshade making Dictator like Saddam Insane (purposely mis pronouncing his name for effect). He Should have declared Kuwait DeFacto US territory, since we conquered it from Iraq anyway, and threatened to start pumping all the oil out of Kuwait, so we could Bankrupt the scandinavian countries when the price of oil falls throuhg the floor. He should have chuckled when the French said they wouldn't help us, and then said good, you fight like girls anyway - perhaps also a quick retort like - so what happen to all those Mirage jets in the Iraqi airforce ? or whose jets does Poland want to buy ? - it could be so much fun

but (4.75 / 4) (#15)
by turmeric on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 05:41:41 PM EST

1. never insult women while trolling. (you fight like girls = 3.1 billion people saying 'hey im a girl i can fight')

2. your idea of 'mispronunciation' is absolute genius. in fact i listened to someone (i think it was NPR, maybe 'fresh air') pontificating on the pronunciation of 'nuclear', and he talked to some military folks and they said they purposely mispronounce it in public, just for effect.

[ Parent ]

it was NPR (5.00 / 1) (#28)
by kpaul on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 08:50:34 PM EST

I caught it on the road the other day as well. They mentioned who had first used the mispronounciation for 'effect,' but I can't remember who it was now.

2014 Halloween Costumes
[ Parent ]
No... (none / 0) (#117)
by SPYvSPY on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 08:35:31 PM EST

...I think you meant 'NPI'. It was 'NPI'.

By replying to this or any other comment in this thread, you assign an equal share of all worldwide copyright in such reply to each of the other readers of this site.
[ Parent ]

saddam insane *claps* [n/t] (3.00 / 2) (#66)
by Liet on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:08:06 AM EST

[ Parent ]
"sex with that woman" (none / 0) (#143)
by b1t r0t on Mon Feb 10, 2003 at 11:41:09 AM EST

You missed the true nature of Clinton's troll. He actually said "I did not have sex with that woman , Monica Lewinsky." With a comma! He was saying it to Monica. When he said "that woman", he meant Hillary! (And who would really want to have sex with Hillary anyhow? Why do you think the Clintons only had one kid?)

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.
[ Parent ]
I heard somewhere.. (none / 0) (#155)
by Dr Caleb on Tue Feb 11, 2003 at 06:37:40 PM EST

"Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without an accordion."

Don't remember who said it.

Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

way to go turmeric, +1 FP (4.00 / 9) (#18)
by circletimessquare on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 06:03:56 PM EST

funny, timely, almost www.onion.com quality material. i laughed at the whole thing. good stuff.

your redemption is at hand

ignore the player-haters who vote against you out of memory of your previous bad behavior. if no one knew who you were, this would FP in a heartbeat.

confidential to anyone who votes against this simply out of anti-turmeric antipathy: this is really good stuff. gauge the article, not the man. this is redemption right here. ignore your more self-serving impulses and vote on the quality of the piece, not on turmeric's previous bad behavior. because if you vote this positively, you can say hello to the new turmeric and goodbye to the old trollish turmeric. because the goodwill the new turmeric will receive will convince his trollish side to retreat. while if you punish this really good attempt at redemption merely out of your self-serving antipathy, you only convince his trollish side that trying to do good gets you nowhere. vote wisely.
C:\>tracert life.liberty.pursuit-of-happiness

christ on a cheeze blintz (3.66 / 3) (#46)
by turmeric on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 11:25:49 PM EST

you are so fake, pink fuzz is coming out of your ears.

some people have been with me since i was a nobody, and now that i am a festering pile of nobody, they are still with me. you on the other hand tried to shit down my throat while i was passed out drunk on the floor.

no jive, fairweather fellow, you must prove yourself over time not ride me like an ocean wave.

[ Parent ]

hey! (3.66 / 3) (#49)
by circletimessquare on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 11:35:49 PM EST

hey! i like my patronizing pink fuzz shitting down throat ways! lol ;-P

all hail king turmeric! king troll of kuro5hin!

while other sites have thousands of anonymous trolls, we have turmeric. we should sell admission to you like a theme park. ride the troll turmeric ride! lol ;-P

you are a tourist attraction if i ever saw one. as faithful a spouter of trollisms as old faithful in yellowstone national park. ;-)

btw, why did you ruin such a perfectly fine curry spice for me?

oh wait... nevermind...

Turmeric, Sensoric quality

In fresh state, the rootstock has an aromatic and spicy fragrance, which by drying gives way to a more medicinal aroma. On storing, the smell rather quickly changes to earthy and unpleasant. Similarly, the colour of ground turmeric tends to fade if the spice is stored too long.
C:\>tracert life.liberty.pursuit-of-happiness
[ Parent ]

Roffles! (3.00 / 2) (#74)
by DeepOmega on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 08:51:22 AM EST


Peace and much love...
[ Parent ]

no, no, no (1.00 / 1) (#81)
by circletimessquare on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 11:51:34 AM EST

no capitalization please

lol ;-P roflmao 8-) heehee 8-P
C:\>tracert life.liberty.pursuit-of-happiness
[ Parent ]

You've made it all clear! (4.85 / 7) (#31)
by porkchop_d_clown on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 09:39:16 PM EST

Suddenly, I see it. Saddam sitting at his terminal, cackling gleefully every time Bush rises to the bait.


"Your article (and I use that term losely) is just a ad-hominem filled rant from a right-wing extremist loony." - Psycho Les

Next, (5.00 / 5) (#110)
by it certainly is on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:31:02 PM EST

Blair gets angry at this, rates everything by Bush as '5', everything by Saddam as '1'.

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

Wait a minute... (4.00 / 3) (#34)
by Hired Goons on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 10:18:34 PM EST

What about Al Sharpton?   Round here we call him Masta T!
You calling that feature a bug? THWAK
i am a racist dummie (5.00 / 3) (#53)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 12:12:12 AM EST

i admit it. i failed to mention al sharpton because al sharpton is white.

[ Parent ]
oops (none / 0) (#129)
by turmeric on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 12:20:25 AM EST

i mean black. did you see him in malcolm x... he was right. we need to apply that thinking to software.

[ Parent ]
+ 1 technocratic bull$hit (nt) (2.50 / 4) (#35)
by michaelp on Fri Feb 07, 2003 at 10:21:43 PM EST

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."

ok ok (5.00 / 2) (#51)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 12:09:06 AM EST

i give i give. i shoudl have written something more and perhaps 'abstained'. and read the links you posted. and maybe even read all the sentences in your article. and not skipped a paragraph.

[ Parent ]
umm... hey everybody... (3.20 / 5) (#62)
by by on on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 04:37:05 AM EST

This isn't a troll... it's just about trolling.

YES IT IS (3.66 / 3) (#90)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 03:51:19 PM EST


[ Parent ]
don't cry, honey - we still play with you (nt) (none / 0) (#112)
by mami on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:51:40 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Ah turmeric (3.66 / 3) (#64)
by Nesian on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 05:50:19 AM EST

How I have missed youre trolling, ranting and just plain nonsense +1
~After all, if you stockpile a massive nuclear arsenal, it's only natural that people are going to want to go in and have a look around, maybe see what all those buttons marked 'detonate' and 'code red' mean.~
In the not-to-distant future, all wars will be (3.50 / 4) (#65)
by noogie on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 05:55:41 AM EST

fought by unmanned robo planes/tanks/soldiers. The same is true for trolling. So I believe that troll development and training programs will be uncessary. The troll retention would be useful for a period to ensure the US had good trolls to train these robo-trolls.

As for the recent good trolls of N.Korea - I hear that they use sophisticated brainwashing techniques as their troll-schools, making armies of trolls that don't even realize they are trolls. This means they consistently out-perform trolls from the US or Europe

Why (5.00 / 3) (#82)
by davidduncanscott on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 01:14:56 PM EST

do people believe this "all wars will be fought by robots" crap?

Wars are fought when people feel something is worth killing and dying for. Period. When they don't think it's worth that, they have sporting events, for which robot armies are quite suitable.

Put it this way: let's say that your country and mine decide that they will hold a chess match. The outcome of that match will decide whether or not you get to keep your house, land, and children. Would you go along with that, or would you bite, scratch and claw to protect your family? I'm guessing the latter, and I'm guessing that when the robots march down your street you'll be throwing rocks at them. You might not beat them, but you'll fight them, which means that, at best, in the end, one side will have robots and the other will have people.

[ Parent ]

chess match. otherwise known as (3.66 / 3) (#89)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 03:50:33 PM EST

a court system.

[ Parent ]
Yes, but (none / 0) (#153)
by davidduncanscott on Tue Feb 11, 2003 at 12:18:03 PM EST

(Sorry, I should have replied to this a long time ago, and I may not be able to now)

The court system is something of a chess match, you're right, but it only really works as long as people believe that there is some measure of fairness to it. Once people view it as completely arbitrary, then yes, they go back to fighting in the streets.

My feeling is that right now, here in the US anyway, we may say that money always wins, but we don't act like we believe it, what with fairly ordinary people bringing suit against companies like McDonalds and General Motors, cases that would be utterly hopeless if money were the only issue. At heart, we believe that Perry Mason or Johny Cochrane can make the system work for us, not so much by gaming it, but by getting to the heart of the matter (OJ didn't beat the criminal case through elaborate legal technicalities, but rather through the presentation of arguments that ordinary jury members found persuasive -- the glove thing and Mark Furhman's expressions of bigotry.)

[ Parent ]

YHBT [n/t] (1.00 / 1) (#108)
by felixrayman on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 06:42:49 PM EST

Call Donald Rumsfeld and tell him our sorry asses are ready to go home. Tell him to come spend a night in our building. - Pfc. Matthew C. O'Dell

[ Parent ]
Well, yes (none / 0) (#121)
by davidduncanscott on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 11:02:55 PM EST

I realize that, but this sort of thing comes up fairly often, here and elsewhere, and it always galls me (which is, I suppose, the essence of trolling. Sigh. OK, IHBT.)

[ Parent ]
unmanned SOLDIERS? (none / 0) (#111)
by michaelp on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:50:09 PM EST

I knew Bush was popular with the military, but don't you think there might be some resistence to this trend?

I mean I know the procedure will allow them to sing Jackson's "Beat It" in falseto, which research has shown will cause any enemy to swiftly retreat, but even with the proposed %2 - inflation pay raise and more smartly cut camos, I'm just not sure this plan will be politically feasible.

O well, if it does come to pass and you see them in the Airport with their M16s, remember, Don't ask, don't Tell...

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."

[ Parent ]
Postmodern deconstructive trolling techniques (5.00 / 1) (#123)
by Aztech on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 11:58:12 PM EST

"I hear that they use sophisticated brainwashing techniques as their troll-schools, making armies of trolls that don't even realize they are trolls. This means they consistently out-perform trolls from the US or Europe"
I dunno, whilst their basic theory is robust they lack real world experience because of the whole self-imposed isolation thing, anyway GWB has been trialing some experimental tactics as witnessed recently in an address to a forum of paid trolls :-

"Throughout the 20th century, small groups of men seized control of great nations, built armies and arsenals, and set out to dominate the weak and intimidate the world. In each case, their ambitions of cruelty and murder had no limit" -- George W. Bush. (Jan 2003)

That's quite advanced and certainly counters the 80's notion that Japanese trolling production is at the cutting edge.

[ Parent ]

Trolling in the New Economy (4.77 / 18) (#70)
by gibichung on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:46:08 AM EST

The United States of America still leads the world in trolls and trolling. It's true that some of America's "old guard" mentioned above have settled down into using the very logical, coherent arguments that a real troll abhors, you've completely ignored some of her brightest rising stars: Ann Coulter or Michael Moore, for example, individually produce more and better trolls than the entire nation of Belize.

But the fact is, we live in a time where national borders are becoming increasingly irrelevant. While some may look back at the good old days of homegrown trolls from Berkeley or Cincinnati, does it really matter if a troll is penned in Stockholm, Glasgow, or Paris? In the old economy, you'd say "Yes, of course!" but this is the twenty-first century, the information age. A troll written in the most desolate and barbaric third world country - even Sierra Leone, Canada, or Australia - can be available at your doorstep in minutes.

But what use could foreign trolls be to Americans? Don't they concern the petty day-to-day affairs of strange, foreign lands, and, besides, aren't they written in exotic languages? It may come as some surprise to you, dear reader, that they are not.

Over eighty percent of the world's total troll production ends up right here in the United States. Most of the remaining twenty percent, while not written for Americans, is actually written about Americans. But how could this be?

The explanation is simple: the rest of the world has no interest in anything but talking about us. Even the great rivalries of Europe are a thing of the past; while an Englishman trolling the French may get a few replies, it seems mighty provincial to an ambitious young troll who can get ten times as many replies with even a poorly written anti-American troll. It's pure market economics, and they'd realize it, if they hadn't lived in socialist nanny states all their lives. Too bad most of them don't get payed for their trouble.

Many European states still maintain their pretensions to "Great Power" status. France may no longer have a respectable army or colonies in Indochina or Algeria, but they do have that veto on the U.N. Security Council; and although they won't use it for fear of having tariffs levied on their wines and cheeses, it sure can get them attention - and troll anyone who actually wants to get something positive done in the world.

We Americans often forget that we make up a far-smaller portion of the population than our 20% of the world's total GDP would let on. It's difficult for America to lead in industry, arts, and sciences and still produce the world's greatest trolls. But if the rest of the world would like to provide us with all the trolls we can tolerate for free, I say let them.

"No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man's permission when we require him to obey it." -- Theodore Roosevelt

outsourcing troll production (4.00 / 3) (#88)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 03:49:19 PM EST

i believe we could set up low cost troll facilities in the developing world to provide jobs to millions of underemployed peasants. they will not be unionized and we can have the troll-offal dumped into the local rivers with minimal protest as long as we bribe the campaneros. gibichung i would like to run your idea by my supply chain people and see what they think about licensing your technology solution system, thanks.

[ Parent ]
Fantastic (4.50 / 2) (#98)
by gibichung on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 04:34:19 PM EST

Have your people get in touch with my people, ASAP.

Though, you might want to tone it down a little in public. Calling the Europeans "underemployed peasants" and their nations "developing" here for all to see might not be good PR. Save that kinda talk for the greens.

I do like the "campaneros" though - nice touch, very ethnic. I'll have to ask my gardener what it means.

"No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man's permission when we require him to obey it." -- Theodore Roosevelt
[ Parent ]

cool (none / 0) (#99)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 04:39:58 PM EST

lets do lunch

[ Parent ]
I dont' know about the rest of you ... (2.00 / 1) (#106)
by Hektor on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 06:24:15 PM EST

but unless lunch is a hot woman, I'd rather not "do" lunch ...

[ Parent ]
you eat people? (5.00 / 2) (#125)
by turmeric on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 12:08:06 AM EST

cannibalism was outlawed in 1872.

[ Parent ]
australia excells in trolling (none / 0) (#138)
by Liet on Mon Feb 10, 2003 at 02:22:24 AM EST

Seeing as how I have so much national pride i have to say Australia have some very nice trolls. One example could be when the government accused assylem seekers of throwing their children over board in a last ditch effort to become re-elected in the later part of the last national election.

Well dare I say it, they are still in power so i would say that was a pritty potent troll if a troll can be potent.

[ Parent ]

I think (4.60 / 5) (#76)
by Hast on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 09:13:24 AM EST

trolling has become more mainstream. I just watched the movie "Somebody like you". The main character in the movie went as far as to create a false persona in order to make her troll more effective. Not to mention that the troller was a female. This is a very progressive step to open up the trolling profession which has traditionally been thought of as being a male dominated industry.

That reminds me of 'Catch me if you can' (5.00 / 1) (#79)
by noogie on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 11:25:07 AM EST

I can't remember the guy it's based on - Frank someone perhaps - But he is surely a great american troll.

[ Parent ]
though of by whom (1.00 / 1) (#87)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 03:45:50 PM EST

adequacy was not an all-male affair. and it is the first, the best, and the only. in fact, you might say we are living in the 'post-adequacy' era, and everything is downhill from here to the time that the sun erupts and swallows the earth, billions of years from now.

[ Parent ]
trollin' (3.60 / 5) (#96)
by anonymous pancake on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 04:04:59 PM EST

I reprezent da canada troll allstars

werd to my negroids

. <---- This is not a period, it is actually a very small drawing of the prophet mohhamed.

hello amos, (3.00 / 2) (#102)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 05:01:55 PM EST

where's andy? i think the NAACP wants you banned off the internet.

[ Parent ]
that crooked back of yours (none / 0) (#114)
by demi on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:58:35 PM EST

Will be gone in no time if you will join me in celebrating The American Way of Life. You'll be smarter, more beautiful, more confident... And this trolling problem will be a thing of the past for you.

[ Parent ]
Ever since the beginning of the Internet (4.53 / 15) (#97)
by demi on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 04:24:14 PM EST

it's been well known that 95% of the trolls come from the UK, Canada, or other Commonwealth nations. Why? Because all of their women are ugly, their teeth are rotted away to crooked stumps with the appearance of Cheetos, who knows. Certainly they are jealous of the intelligence, beauty, fecundity, and success of the United States, evidenced by the constant stream of the best and brightest of the world still wishing to immigrate. But that alone is not enough to explain the time wasted by the most pathetic troll specimens in pursuit of their quarry.

Recognize a troll by these telltale signs:

  • sexual impotence or other dysfunction

  • poor and/or unkempt appearance

  • adult bedwetting

  • child of a prostitute or other humble/embarassing origin

  • general frustration and inability to articulate beliefs orally

  • sulphurous body odor and/or halitosis

We must remember that trolls are not evil elements that must be summarily rooted from our midst; they are sick people that need help. This sickness, this disease called trolling is a result of the absence of the American Way of Life. This is to be the casus belli for our efforts on k5: to bring much-needed medicine to our Anglosphere brethren. Let us not waver in the face of cruel words and flung spittle. This is our fight to win!

I can't speak for myself, (5.00 / 1) (#104)
by it certainly is on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 05:44:21 PM EST

but you're dead right about bc - what an ugly bastard, eh ladies?

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

a lot of ladies dig.. (5.00 / 2) (#118)
by infinitera on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 08:54:22 PM EST

the suave sociopath look.

[ Parent ]
Quentin Hapsburg? [n/t] (4.50 / 2) (#119)
by it certainly is on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 09:06:56 PM EST

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

Australia (none / 0) (#116)
by toastman on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 08:32:03 PM EST

commonwealth: good teeth, beautiful women.

[ Parent ]
Ha. (none / 0) (#120)
by evilpenguin on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 10:16:21 PM EST

I was watching "Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" a few nights back. After staring at those blokes' faces for two hours, anyone can look handsome. Reminds me of a Family Guy episode...
# nohup cat /dev/dsp > /dev/hda & killall -9 getty
[ Parent ]
FP (2.28 / 7) (#105)
by noogie on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 06:01:20 PM EST

you rock.

nay (3.00 / 6) (#107)
by turmeric on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 06:25:21 PM EST

i merely purge my brains into my keyboard. the k5 masses do the hard part when they vote. its like farming out my editing to a 3rd world sweatshop.

[ Parent ]
There is help on the way, my boy (3.00 / 2) (#113)
by demi on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:55:47 PM EST

You need to experience the American Way of Life. It will cure your debilitating stutter in 30 days or less. This trolling thing, it's gotten a wicked hold of you. Release your anger, your hate, your chronic facetiousness. I'm here to help.

[ Parent ]
uhm, no thanks (3.00 / 2) (#124)
by turmeric on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 12:06:23 AM EST

snoop doggy dogg giving girls 20 bucks to show their breasts is not my idea of sexy

[ Parent ]
Shhhh... The government(s) might hear you... (3.00 / 3) (#109)
by groove10 on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 07:12:46 PM EST

I wouldn't be posting this stuff here for all the world to see, espcially since we know that both US and the letfy/European sppoks are trying to figure out how to exactly control the American continents. It's a known fact that the former soviet-bloc republics are leading the way in troll research (underground of course) and that's why they are being let into the EU. Have you ever heard of Carnivore, and the US Patriot act? Hmmm... me neither. Nope, nothing to see here. Move along....
Do you like D&D? How bout text-based MMORPGs? You need to try Everwars. It's better than shooting smack!
Rumsfeld (5.00 / 11) (#122)
by Aztech on Sat Feb 08, 2003 at 11:40:24 PM EST

You're overlooking Rumsfeld, this guy can really troll and you should be proud of him. His recent "Old Europe" remarks are cracking especially considering he's an old guy from "New America", much like a rubix cube the French found themselves "profoundly vexed" by these comments, then later the French found themselves "deeply irritating", for once I actually agree with that. Luckily Joschka Fischer (German Foreign Minister) tried to lower the tone by saying "Cool down" (then allegedly, hey chill man, lay back, relax smell the rosses and smoke some dope).

But... just when you thought things were going well Joschka's piss-off-o-meter went critical yesterday with a triade of "I am not convinced... I cannot go to the public and say these are the reasons because I don't believe in them" (translated as "You're a fucking lair, I don't believe a word of this bullshit, we owe you nothing and the public won't take a word of this crap... but have a nice day anyway" but more concerning he was seen waving a hand in the direction of an unsettled Rumsfeld, but it later emerged that Joschka was simply holding a wallet.

Nelson Nandela has also been on pretty good form recently with a classic troll - "Is this because the secretary general of the United Nations [Ghanaian Kofi Annan] is now a black man? They never did that when secretary generals were white," he commented a few days before the alleged racist US administration sent Colin Powell to address the UN. Not to mention he neglects to acknowledge that everyone has pretty much pissed on the UN since its foundation regardless of creed or colour.

Old Europe is as dead as FreeBSD (2.00 / 1) (#154)
by abe ferlman on Tue Feb 11, 2003 at 05:23:47 PM EST

hehe, just kidding...

[ Parent ]
Higher Echelon US trolls (4.00 / 5) (#131)
by Jetifi on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 07:40:39 AM EST

I believe the US is keeping it's trolls in reserve. Their only use so far has been to piss off ''old Europe'', namely France and Germany. This administration has proved that it can troll when it needs to:

''And then there are three or four countries that have said they won't do anything. I believe Libya, Cuba and Germany are the ones that I have indicated won't help in any respect,'' Rumsfeld told the House Armed Services Committee.

See? There's nothing for us USians to worry about! The current administration is just choosing the right tool for the job. In cases such as France and Germany call for the use of a tool such as Donald Rumsfeld.

This is a Troll (2.66 / 3) (#132)
by exa on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 09:56:35 AM EST

C'mon now everybody knows that the best trolls are from Turkey, that's why they banned our whole country from USENET!!!!!
exa a.k.a Eray Ozkural
There is no perfect circle.

for real? (1.00 / 2) (#133)
by turmeric on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 12:48:38 PM EST

talk about racism.

[ Parent ]
what? (1.00 / 2) (#135)
by jolt rush soon on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 06:47:16 PM EST

are you racist?
Subosc — free electronic music.
[ Parent ]
I don't thihk he is.. (none / 0) (#158)
by Eater on Tue Apr 15, 2003 at 03:44:49 PM EST

..I think he just really wants to talk about it for some reason.


[ Parent ]
Dear turmeric (4.33 / 3) (#134)
by celeriac on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 01:06:35 PM EST

While I appreciate your sentiment, I belive you have merely beeen looking in the wrong places for good American trolls.

Can you name any country that has produced better trolls than Eminem or Britney Spears?

And.......! (none / 0) (#136)
by bjlhct on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 11:14:15 PM EST

Bush, and *NSYNK, and the dave Matthwes Band!!

All the same, really.

[kur0(or)5hin http://www.kuro5hin.org/intelligence] - drowning your sorrows in intellectualism
[ Parent ]

Actually, you are wrong. (5.00 / 1) (#152)
by tkatchev on Tue Feb 11, 2003 at 11:06:50 AM EST

Synthetic pop is a purely European invention.

As usual, the Americans simply stole something that Europe invented and made it bigger and dumber.

   -- Signed, Lev Andropoff, cosmonaut.
[ Parent ]

maybe you should look ... (none / 0) (#137)
by taniwha on Sun Feb 09, 2003 at 11:52:55 PM EST


[ Parent ]
not bad (1.00 / 1) (#141)
by dtothek on Mon Feb 10, 2003 at 10:42:18 AM EST

at first i didn't understand what a troll is: by the end of the post it was clear what it is. provacative.
Not just provacative (none / 0) (#156)
by KingTank on Mon Feb 17, 2003 at 01:36:34 PM EST

Not just provacative but provacative only for the sake of being provacative. I believe it comes from the expression to "troll-bait". The idea is that you make an argument that is irritating enough (even if it's a bit stupid) to make a counter-argument irresistable to some angry little troll. Ideally the troll-bait should be designed to make it impossible for the counter-argument to sound anything but hypocritical, irrational or overly emotional. It's a bit confusing because often the one presenting the troll-bait is referred to as the "troll". I believe this is incorrect, but unfortunately the term "troll" has become commonly used this way.

[ Parent ]
Powell's Vial (none / 0) (#157)
by psychodyne on Tue Feb 25, 2003 at 04:52:48 PM EST

What about Colin Powell showing up at the UN with a vial of anthrax? Nothing like whipping out a little white powder in a room full of diplomats to express your inherent trollness. Or suggest that you're a part-time coke dealer.

the troll gap | 158 comments (86 topical, 72 editorial, 0 hidden)
Display: Sort:


All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. The Rest 2000 - Present Kuro5hin.org Inc.
See our legalese page for copyright policies. Please also read our Privacy Policy.
Kuro5hin.org is powered by Free Software, including Apache, Perl, and Linux, The Scoop Engine that runs this site is freely available, under the terms of the GPL.
Need some help? Email help@kuro5hin.org.
My heart's the long stairs.

Powered by Scoop create account | help/FAQ | mission | links | search | IRC | YOU choose the stories!