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How to Survive a Zombie Attack

By dr zeus in Op-Ed
Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:05:39 AM EST
Tags: Security (all tags)
Security

I finally saw Dawn of the Dead (2004), and I just have to wonder, did these people even think about how they would survive a zombie attack? Since we've had a rash of zombie movies lately - 28 Day, Shaun of the Dead - I think someone needs to publish a zombie survival guide to help these people out. And that someone is me, because I for one don't welcome our new zombie overlords.


First things first, you have to know your enemy. Zombies come in two flavors: fast and slow. Fast are definitely cool, but you'll need more than a baseball bat and a pair of running sneakers to survive that zombie attack. Slow zombies - well why the heck would anyone die from a slow zombie? If you can't get away from a slow zombie, you earned dismemberment.

Let's suppose that you made it through the first 10 minutes of the zombie-fest, and while most of your town are looking for live flesh to feast on, you're wondering how to hot-wire a car and get out of town. You need a plan of action...

Preparation

I'm assuming the reader isn't currently experiencing a zombie outbreak. If you are, skip down to the next section.

Preparing now for zombiedom is a good idea. Remember what the TV preacher said, "When hell is full, the dead will walk the earth." So it's bound to happen sooner or later. Since it would look wierd if you started bricking up your windows and stockpiling rifles, you have to be smart about this.

First, get to know the guy in town who bought a pallet of Spam to survive Y2K. He probably still has a ton of that stuff around, and knows all the good hiding places.

Next, scout out all the big box retailers that carry ammo and food. Not too many eh? Tough luck, blue-stater. Someplace like WalMart is ideal, especially with the Garden Center for seed and stuff for longterm survival. A big bonus would be a nearby Home Depot or some such place so you can get plenty of lumber and quick-mix concrete for fortification.

While you're preparing, always keep in mind locations where people congregate - you're likely to find lots of zombies there when things turn ugly. Highways, malls, and schools are especially bad. You also might want to mention to your friends and family in passing how well your hiding place could be defended, etc. That way, when the zombies come, they'll remember you said that and come help you. I don't recommend telling them you're preparing for a zombie invasion.

First, the Fun Stuff

After your initial panic, it's important to remember that a significant component of your surivival is the demise of the ghouls trying to get your tasty brains. Despite some reports to the contrary, the only way to permanently un-animate a zombie is to destroy its brain. This isn't rocket science (although that would be a cool way to do it). A gunshot to the head is the most direct way to disable a zombie, but not the only way. Decapitation also works, although the head will probably still function so don't let it bite you. If you survive long enough, and society collapses along with any hope of rescue, you'll need to develop some means of skull penetration that doesn't involve guns - a professional bowhunting setup works if you can get it. You might be squeamish at first, taking out your neighbors; with time this will pass, you might even adopt a gleeful hangman's sense of humor in your executions.

Run or Hide

This is a no-brainer. You gotta hole up somewhere eventually, but pick carefully. Let's say that the outbreak is localized to your city, but you know that the neighboring town is zombie-free. Flee to the neighboring town. I know this sounds obvious, but don't sit around waiting for grandma to bite you. Get to the safe town, find a gun store, and join the Minuteman Militia.

But that isn't much fun, so let's think about what you'd do if the whole country is overrun. Since you already did your prep work, make a bee line for the WalMart you picked out earlier. Hot Tip: Pick a new WalMart if you can. Zombies tend try to do the things they were doing when they were alive, so they're gonna head to the mall, or WalMart, or school... you get the idea. And since we're on the subject, malls are a bad place to hole up in. Too many entrances, and not enough goodies for long term survival.

In short, pick a new general merchandise or grocery big box store. You get lots of canned food to eat, and only one or two large entrances to guard.

Use the Buddy System

Don't be a dummy. If your buddy is bitten by a zombie, shoot him in the head and get it over with. Otherwise, gather the refugees, Rambo, and lead them to safety. People will follow anyone who acts like they know what they're doing, and you need the manpower to subdue the throngs at WalMart.

Not to mention that a good zombie attack needs plenty of extras.

Since the average WalMart has enough food to keep a few thousand people fed for a week or more, you should have enough staples to get by for a few months if you limit your group to around 100 or so. There's a trade-off here between having enough people to defend your fort, and enough food to keep them fed. I don't know if zombies are edible, but that's a possibility if things get rough. It's not really cannibalism, is it?

The basic idea to get from this section is, have enough people to root out the zombies and block the entrances, but not so many people that you have to ration the food heavily. Also, make sure you have some girls. Preferably hot chicks, but in the absence of those some tough biker babes would work.

Zen and the Art of Fortification

How lame is this... you and a few buddies are holed up in a mall, with who knows how many entrances, and instead of bricking up the glass you eat hot dogs on the fine china Macy's?

First, you aren't going to do that, because you already picked out the big box retailer you're taking over. Second, you're going to spend the first day sealing all entrances. If you chose wisely, you have a store with some kind of concrete mix in it, or a home building center nearby. As soon as you've cleared the store of zombies, and maybe even before, you need to brick up the glass entrances. You can worry about the others later, they're smaller and harder to open from the outside anyway.

Be generous and thorough with your fortification. A few pieces of lumber nailed up is OK for an emergency start, but don't forget to make it permanent. You might consider some kind of buttress design as well, since I'm not sure what kind of force thousands of zombies could put on an amateur brickwork.

Finally, don't make the mistake of assuming your fortifications will hold. Check them everyday, measuring the wall to make sure it hasn't moved. You also might consider building a second wall in case the first gets broken through.

T-Shirts aren't Bite Proof

This is one I've never figured out. Zombification occurs shortly after being bit by a zombie. So why are people running around in t-shirts for days and weeks after Z-Day? Get some freakin armor! Thick leather will work in the short term. Later on, get some aluminum siding or something else metallic and affix it to your clothes. Even zombies can't bite through that stuff. Important areas to protect include the forearms, neck, and legs. Just make sure it's flexible enough to give you some freedom of movement. Helmets are a good idea too, but anything other than motorcycle helmets would look dorky, and I'd rather be a zombie than a dork with a pail on my head.

Long Term Survival

Let's recap: you've survived the initial zombie invasion, banded together a few dozen survivors, and fortified a big box retail store with plenty of food and goodies. So what's your long term prognosis? Not good.

You'll eventually run out of water, canned food, and fuel for the generator. In fact, you'll be in the dark in a day or two, and the water will be gone shortly after that. Unless, of course, you don't panic, and plan ahead. Don't worry, I'll help you out.

If you took a WalMart like I told you, you don't need to worry too much about lighting. The skylights do a fair job of illumination during the day, and battery powered flashlights will be OK at night time. But if you're brave, you can venture outside to get fuel from filling station. And if you're lucky, you'll find a tanker truck to drive back to home base. Personally, I'd rather live in the dark. It might be a good idea to keep a CB radio in your car for just this type of event, and try to get a trucker to bring the tanker to your fort when Z-Day arrives.

For water and food, I can help you out there. The first thing to do after securing your fort is fill every container in the store with tap water. You might have a few days of water available, but I wouldn't count on it. Electricity, water, and sewage will disappear soon, so you want all the drinking water you can get.

Now that you've got that straightened out, you're going to become a farmer. Lucky for you, the Garden Center has lots of seeds and soil, and the store has a big roof for planting. This is a good time to learn the art of composting and water filtration - your alternative to the toilet. I'd place that on the roof too, otherwise things could get smelly inside.

So now you are set. You've butressed the walls to protect against the press of the zombies, you have a few dozen armed followers, and enough veggies to keep everyone fed. You can hold out here for years.

Epilogue

What happens next depends on a lot of variables. Are there any other survivors? I can imagine a naval fleet having no problems defending itself from zombies. Nuclear powered submarines should be especially safe, they can run for decades. Maybe enough people survived somewhere to come rescue you. If everyone else is zombied, well that would suck.

How long will zombies "live"? This has never been addressed, to my knowledge. Even though they're dead, they still maintain some kind of metabolism and thought process. You'd think that eventually they'll cease activity and it will be safe enough to venture out. Then again, they might be immortal, in which case you are screwed. It's kinda hard to kill 6 billion zombies with just a few 22s and a shotgun.

In any case, I hope I've helped you in formulating your own zombie survival plan.

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Poll
Best Place to Survive a Zombie Attack
o Cemetery 3%
o Boarded up house 1%
o Mall 2%
o Boat 21%
o Underground military bunker with a mad scientist and a wannabe dictator 27%
o WalMart 16%
o Office tower 6%
o Island 22%

Votes: 95
Results | Other Polls

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How to Survive a Zombie Attack | 215 comments (192 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
We have Walmart and KMart in this blue state (3.00 / 6) (#4)
by Adam Rightmann on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 04:21:59 PM EST

and they both carry guns, something that misled sapphite Rosie O'Donell must have willingly forgotten in her Communist anti-gun hysteria.

I would suggest befriending a Priest, for if these zombie are animated via demonic means, a man of the cloth would be very useful. He can consecrate Holy Water, and with enough experience, even turn away hordes of zombies.

Dude (2.93 / 15) (#5)
by LilDebbie on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 04:26:45 PM EST

They can turn zombies at first level, and if they have a high charisma bonus and they roll well, they can turn a solid number.

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
listen (none / 0) (#184)
by All StarZ on Sun Nov 06, 2005 at 11:06:17 PM EST

okay first of all, im gonna dispel a few things. if a zombie outbreak were to occur, and it was demonic in nature, its still not gonna be like a video game, where "If the Priest class uses 500 energy points, he can summon lightning to smite down every opponent in the area for 200 dmg each". If there was a zombie outbreak, it would be like a warzone: famillies hiding in houses, people seeking escape from the affected area, hoarding of supplies and weaponry by groups of people, and looting, whether it be for supplies, or simply to acquire items u could never get in real life or to sell when this is all over. in any case, there would be fights amongst the survivors, and the addition of the fights against the shit-for-brains undead. another thing i would like to add is that, in inexperienced hands a katana (yeah thats right, its spelled katana and not kitana morons) would hurt yourself as much as it would hurt zombies. REMEMBER KIDS, YOU'RE HOLDING A WEAPON YOU'VE NEVER USED BEFORE OR HAD TIME TO TRAIN WITH! So i suggest to discard the katana and use something a little more um... simple, like a baseball bat or a fire axe. another point is that if the zombies are reanimated human remains and not the zombies like in "28 days later", they would not be able to see, as the retinas would eventually fog up during decay. this would place greater reliance on smell, hearing and touch, and result in more sensitivity in those senses. Finally, before i go to sleep, im gonna say a few short things. 1: guns are actually difficult to aim *gasp, really?*, and if u never used one before, you are going to miss, alot. 2: get a solar power generator. canadian tires sell those. these can generate power by night and recharge by day. 3:make it obvious that there are people surviving in a building, so make a signal on the roof, fire being most reliable. if the military forces arent completely paralysed, you can possibly expect rescue. 4:where the hell are u gonna get an RPG? its a military weapon and u americans dont really have a arms dealing market in USA, although u can still find some more illegal sort of weapons in various nooks and crannies. 5: if this was a demonic animation of zombies, god would either save humanity, or wipe it clean and start over again, because we are a vile species. Finally another note. yes zombies are human, but you have to remember those karate people who can break concrete bricks in half? u have to remember that they have to do it properly, but there is also the fact that they have to ignore the pain. zombies are pretty much senseless, so pain isnt going to stop them, so blood loss and a destruction of the nervous system are your likely ways of fighting them. thats it for now, ill be back later.

[ Parent ]
Wrong, wrong, wrong (3.00 / 7) (#9)
by thenick on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 05:03:28 PM EST

While WalMart would seem the most likely place to live through a zombie attack, it's actually a giant death trap if the situation requires you stay there indefinately. Think about it: Yes you can grow food, but how much soil is actually at a Walmart. Figuring that you'll need at least a foot of soil to grow anything successfully, there really isn't enough to grow food for more than a handful of people. Also, not the food on hand when you enter the WalMart will stay fresh for long periods of time. All produce, frozen goods, dairy, and meat will be useless after the power goes out. Basically, only a third of the food at WalMart will be edible after a few weeks.

If you want to survive, I suggest getting out of town and heading as far away from civilization as possible. Avoid cars as zombies flock to that noise. Use bikes as they require nothing but human power. Find a nice place somewhere in the mountains and avoid water, because while zombies can't swim, they can walk along the bottom of rivers and lakes, emerging on the other side.

As for armor, the added weight of leather would slow you down over time. Tight fitting, thin, breathable clothing combined with mobility will save you from the undead ones.

DO NOT, I repeat, do not eat the zombies. Zombies have been infected with Solanum, a virus that has proven to be 100 fatal and very easy to transmit. Eating a Zombie would most likely cause you to contract Solanum.

Also, Max Brooks wrote THE book on zombie attacks, The Zombie Survival Guide. It's a must if you expect to live through a zombie attack.

 
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex

T-Shirts and Bicycles versus Zombies (3.00 / 3) (#11)
by dr zeus on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 05:16:44 PM EST

You can run to the mountains if you want to... but the next time we meet, your flesh eating carcass will get a taste of my carbine.

You won't get far on a bicycle if you aren't on a road. Roads are full of cars, which are full of people, who are steadily undergoing zombification.

And you are riding your bicycle right into them, with your Livestrong bracelet, waterpack, and funny hip purse.

[ Parent ]
He's got a good point about wal-mart though... (3.00 / 4) (#24)
by SvnLyrBrto on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 08:13:52 PM EST

I'd suggest Costco as an alternative.

You still have the problem with the refrigerated food going bad shortly after the power goes out, but:

1)  You can toss said rotting food in one of the walk-in refrigerators, so it won't stink up the whole store.

2)  Those gigantic sacks of rice on the far left wall will feed you for FAR longer than the entire contents of any wal-mart.

3)  The alcohol and tobacco sections give you plenty to barter with other tribes in a post-zombie-apocalypse world.

4)  Costco stores tend to have fewer entrances than places like wal-mart.  Said entrances are generally smaller, and NOT made up of huge glass panels  (ie. They're easier to fortify.).

5)  If you DO try to have a go at rooftop agriculture, Costco has more space up there.

6)  Many Costco locations have their own gas station in the parking lot.  That means less distance to travel on your gas run, and less dependance on getting lucky enough to find a tanker truck.

cya,
john

Imagine all the people...
[ Parent ]

But I'm not a member (3.00 / 7) (#28)
by shm on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 09:18:35 PM EST

I guess there's no hope for me.

[ Parent ]
Good idea! (3.00 / 2) (#29)
by dr zeus on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 09:32:01 PM EST

I'll have to remember that. I have a Costco not far from my house, I'll put it on my Zombie rounds.

[ Parent ]
about your sig. (none / 0) (#44)
by issachar on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:03:23 AM EST

How certain are you that Kristian Wilson is the proper source? I googled that for a reference and much of what I found suggest that the Nintendo credits are apocryphal. They claim the quote originated with a comedian called Marcus Bridgstocke.
---
Vegetarians eat vegetables. Humanitarians scare me.
Diary? I do a blog.
[ Parent ]
Once again I defer to the master, Max Brooks (none / 1) (#32)
by thenick on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 11:13:33 PM EST

As for the bike vs. car question, you just answered it. While you're stuck on the highway in a traffic jam caused by a recently zombified driver who flipped his or her SUV, I'll be riding on a footpath in the middle of nowhere. Should I encounter an obstacle I can't ride over, I can pick up my bike and carry it. Can you do the same with a car? Roads will become a death trap should we face a Level 4 zombie attack. Traveling on the Interstates is a sure way do die.

Also, you're assuming that the zombies will be able to run full speed when attacking. As Max Brooks explains, the zombies will only move about 1.5 MPH. Being mobile and able to avoid their grasp is key to survival. Weighing yourself down with armor and depending of firepower will assure your death at the hands of zombies. A smart person ditches the gun in favor of a bladed weapon. Remember, blades don't need reloading.

As for your shotgun being the ultimate combo, what happens when a wave of zombies comes at you that's so large you can't reload fast enough? You'll wish you had 10 speed and comfortable shoes then.

Here's an idea: Should zombies begin to attack, we'll each put a five spot in our front right pocket. Should you kill me, grab the $5. However, chances are I'll be pulling Abe Lincoln out of your pocket.

 
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex
[ Parent ]

Your forgetting zombie fauna (none / 0) (#64)
by Booji Boy on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:39:05 PM EST

Squirrels, frogs, wolves... Nowhere is safe.

[ Parent ]
Solanum does not cause reanimation in animals (none / 1) (#72)
by thenick on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:31:09 PM EST

i.e., there are no zombie squirrels running around. While Solanum is fatal to animals, it does not turn them into zombies. Their bodies will still be infectious, so eating a dead deer found in the woods is not a good idea.

 
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex
[ Parent ]

I doubt Max Brook's credentials (none / 0) (#70)
by jbmcb on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:30:08 PM EST

I mean, his dad made the Producers, which was *waay* overrated in my opinion, and falls apart in the third act. How can I trust his son's zombie-fighting accumen?

[ Parent ]
WalMart soil (none / 0) (#25)
by adimovk5 on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 08:32:29 PM EST

.....Yes you can grow food, but how much soil is actually at a Walmart. Figuring that you'll need at least a foot of soil to grow anything successfully, there really isn't enough to grow food for more than a handful of people.....

There's plenty of soil under the WalMart. You would need to use the various implements in the store to dig through the concrete flooring. You would also probably be able to dig a well in some areas.

The grills and other cooking devices could be used to dry and otherwise preserve most of the fresh and frozen foods.

[ Parent ]

Soil under WalMart (none / 1) (#30)
by thenick on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 10:04:16 PM EST

Usually it's compacted clay. Good luck getting anything to grow in that. You need a thick layer of topsoil to get enough yield to feed the inhabitants of the building. Considering that most of us are not experienced farmers, we'll need all the help we can get.

As for cooking/drying the food, you still have a lot of vegetables and precooked meals that won't be useful. You'd be better off at a grocery store where there are tons of canned food. However, if this is a Level 4 attack we're talking about, it probably doesn't matter which store you hide in.

 
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex
[ Parent ]

or this... (none / 0) (#180)
by GameWhino on Sun Oct 16, 2005 at 02:16:51 AM EST

Pitch forks are the answer here. If you're going to set up a small farm in a mega-store you can break the concrete floor using a sledge (Hardware section) and aerate the floors with a pitch fork (either from home, if you're a rural boy like me, or from Lawn & Garden, if it's spring or summer...they put them in the overflow trailers in the fall & winter months) & mix the clay with potting soil (won't take much). in a pinch, the pitchfork can be used for defense.

[ Parent ]
No, no, no! (1.50 / 2) (#40)
by jbmcb on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:54:27 AM EST

> it's actually a giant death trap if the situation requires you stay there indefinately. Well, yeah. It's good for a couple months, tops. Then it's time to move on. Hopefully by then the hordes will have died completely, or at least dispersed enough that you can head for the hills. If the builing is swamped, remember you're on top of a big concrete building full of all kinds of flammable liquids and containers, and the hordes are wearing old, sun-dried rags below you. > Think about it: Yes you can grow food, but how much soil is actually at a Walmart. Quite a bit, actually. In the garden center, especially in the spring. They stock up for most of the summer. Then there's all that produce that's going to spoil that will make great compost. > All produce, frozen goods, dairy, and meat will be useless after the power goes out. Not if you cure it properly. Plus, you can put a whole bunch of stuff in the meat locker, which is super-insulated and will stay cold for a very long time, especially with a lot of thermal mass. > If you want to survive, I suggest getting out of town and heading as far away from civilization as possible. That works somewhat. Even in the wilderness you'll want a fortress, just in case. Maybe some sort of remote army base would work. You'll also want arms to fend off the hordes if they come knocking. An idyllic cabin in the woods isn't going to cut it, especially when you start burning wood to cook/heat yourselves, which will attract the undead horror as well. > Avoid cars as zombies flock to that noise. They're welcome to try, in my Mad Maxxed-out Hummer H1 I'd steal. Bring it on, I'll mow them down like an Allegheny steam locomotive mowing down cows. That is, until I drive my Hummer into the nearest reserve base and pick up a LAV-25 armored fast attack vehicle. It'll run on anything, do 65 on the freeway, and drive over most problem areas, including other cars. Add on a remote control .30cal machine gun AND 25mm cannon if things get tricky, zombie-wise. Meanwhile, those marathon runner zombies from 28 Days Later are nipping at your behind on your slowass bicycles. > As for armor, the added weight of leather would slow you down over time. Over time you'd get used to it, and be faster. >Tight fitting, thin, breathable clothing combined with mobility will save you from the undead ones. Nope, light armor is the way to go. Think bracers, neck, chest and leg protection. It would only add a few pounds overall and save you from nasty zombie hickeys. Some other useful items for your 'shopping' list: Fuel stabilizer - Keeps fuel from going stale in storage Chlorine tablets - Keeps stored water from growing icky things Ammunition - .22 ammo is great, it's small, lightweight, and in a long rifle, it will put a hole in almost anything. You can carry thousands of rounds in a backpack. Otherwise, go for 5.56mm stuff, Uncle Sam and every other Nato country has TONS of it for their M16's and Bullpups. That round will kill just about any zombie running at you. For fortress defense, get a couple shotguns as well. Great for tight situations, and you might take out a few undead with one shot. Cans of sterno - Millions of uses, and it's like napalm, to boot. Batteries - They take a long time to go bad, but having a bunch of spares is useful for radios, flashlights, etc... Grab a deep-cycle RV battery while you're at it, with a solar trickle charger, and it'll last a long, long time. Keep a charged emergency battery to start your car, too. Light-beam alarms from Radio Shack - Put them friggin EVERYWHERE in your fortress you don't want zombies to be. Every entrance, and remind people not to set them off.

[ Parent ]
Woops! (none / 0) (#55)
by jbmcb on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:56:34 AM EST

That's ugly, sorry I screwed up the formatting.


[ Parent ]
Good suggestions (none / 0) (#57)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 10:10:30 AM EST

Even if you fubarred the formatting.

Running to the country is an *OK* idea, if you know where you're going. But how do you know you aren't headed straight for a zombie cluster? That's why I suggest knowing your surroundings, and having a local fortress picked out ahead of time.

I like your idea of chlorine tablets. You can also use a few drops of bleach per gallon of water, although it tastes nasty. Urine can be cleaned with an evaporator and filter. If you stock up on water at the beginning, and collect all the rainwater you can, you should stay hydrated.

Flaming Zombies are a Bad IdeaTM. Fire doesn't kill Zombies, at least not until it consumes their heads, by which time they have set your fortress on fire. Use flame only in an emergency, or in an area away from your fort.

Right on with light armor. Some people try to get too heavy, and it slows them down. Know your enemy: dead people who bite you. You don't need to be bullet proof, and you aren't fighting broadsword-bearing Saxons. Stick to something simple that stops a bite and wears easily.

Fuel stabilizer - I have no idea what this is, but it sounds useful if I can figure it out.

Flashlights - I've seen windup powered lights at WalMart, so after the batteries die and the fuel is gone, you can still get some light in there. Strip the electrical wiring of its copper, use some speaker magnets, and build a generator while you're at it.

[ Parent ]
When the zombies attack, we'll have a name for you (2.50 / 2) (#59)
by thenick on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 10:56:01 AM EST

"Zombie Bait"

First, let's get one myth out of the way: The zombies from 28 Days Later do not exist. During a zombie attack, the zombies you'll be facing have about 1/10th the agility of an average human. On average, a zombie moves at a rate of 1 step every second an a half. While that sounds pretty manageable, remember that they don't sleep. While you're resting, they're hunting you down. It's best to avoid them and move with stealth, rather than drive through them.

Another myth about zombies is that they'll be dead within a few months, so if you can sit tight for a little while, you'll be safe. Nothing could be further from the truth. Zombies can live anywhere from 3 to 5 years, depending on the environment the zombies are in. Solanum turns a zombie's flesh into something that even most bacteria find inhospitable, which means that the zombies are resistant to decay. They're not going to give up when they can't reach you, either. They'll gather and continue to emit a low moan, signaling to the other zombies that prey is near. They'll continue to gather until you're dead or they're dead, which ever comes first.

Yet another myth about zombies is that fire freaks them out and/or kills them. Dead wrong. Zombies have no fear of fire and if ignited, they will continue as normal, all the while spreading fire and possibly burning down your your barricade.

Also, why would you leave the military base? You have a secure location with a defensible perimeter, lots of ammo, plenty of MRE's, and usually an infirmary. In 1893, a French Garrison stationed at Fort Louis Philippe held out against a zombie attack for three years, according to Max Brooks. Also, there's usually lots of area to grow crops on a military base. Why risk hitting the road again? Even with an APC, you'll likely become stuck at one point and have to ditch the vehicle.

Speaking of the vehicle situation, where in the hell are you going to mod out an H1 during a zombie attack? the grinding of metal and noise of welding torches will all but assure the garage you're in is surrounded.

RE: curing the food - Do you know how to do this? If the answer is anything from "No" to "Well, it can't be that hard", then the food will be wasted. As for keeping food in a meat locker, you realize that it will need to stay cold for several years, right?

You're right, a cabin in the woods is a terrible defensive location. But a treehouse at least ten feet off the ground will prevent zombies from reaching you while you sleep. Also, with a spear of some type, you'll be able to jab the zombies in the head easily.

This is all covered in Max Brooks's book, The Zombie Survival Guide. Yes, you'll have to pay for it, but isn't your life and the lives of you loved ones worth $10?

 
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex
[ Parent ]

I hope you're right (none / 0) (#60)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 11:20:00 AM EST

"First, let's get one myth out of the way: The zombies from 28 Days Later do not exist. During a zombie attack, the zombies you'll be facing have about 1/10th the agility of an average human."

One would hope so, it makes containing a zombie outbreak that much more manageable. Of course, the zombies from 28 Days Later were not true zombies, but people infected with a rage-inducing virus. The effect is similar, but they're aren't dead and can be killed like any normal human.

The quick moving zombies of Day of the Dead, 2004, were the traditional zombie type but with agility approaching a normal human. A treehouse would be ineffective against this variant, although one could assume that necrosis would slow them down over time.

"Zombies can live anywhere from 3 to 5 years..."

Once again, evidence that my plan of action for a taking over a big box retailer is a Good IdeaTM. A military base might work, if you can secure it. In the US, access to a military is usually guarded by little more than a razor wire fence - not much good against a zombie horde. And you need to acquire seeds for veggies, unless peanut butter and dehydrated spaghetti and meat sauce sounds good for the next 3-5 years.

[ Parent ]
Low blow... (none / 0) (#181)
by GameWhino on Sun Oct 16, 2005 at 02:27:02 AM EST

Hey, there's NOTHING wrong with MREs! Well, except the country chicken. but only 1 to 2 of them come in an assortment. aside from that, good points

[ Parent ]
Zombie BBQ (none / 1) (#69)
by jbmcb on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:07:47 PM EST

> The zombies from 28 Days Later do not exist.

Not yet, just wait until the next mutant flu turns people into rampaging, flesh eating lunatics

>It's best to avoid them and move with stealth, rather than drive through them.

The problem with that is, when you are on your bike you are all stealthy, but if you're discovered, the zombie calls out to all his zombie friends, you are swarmed by zombies and you're SOL.

> Zombies can live anywhere from 3 to 5 years, depending on the environment the zombies are in

I'll give them one year in a Michigan winter. They won't be moving around too quick, if at all, after a few months of straight -20F weather with no sun. Then, while they're frozen to the ground, I'll walk around in my Mad Bomber hat and Columbia arctic parka, shattering their frozen heads with a crowbar.

> Yet another myth about zombies is that fire freaks them out and/or kills them.

I've never heard that myth, I was just thinking if there were a whole ton of them it would be easier to incinerate them than shoot them all.

> all the while spreading fire and possibly burning down your your barricade.

Again, what damage can flaming zombies do to a cinderblock/concrete building? (IE Walmart, Meijer, etc...)

> Also, why would you leave the military base?

Because all the military bases around here are air fields or reserve, which means there's just a cyclone fence surrounding regular office buildings. Not very well secured. Maybe an abandoned missile base would work, ala Day of the Dead, but there aren't any 'round here.

> Speaking of the vehicle situation, where in the hell are you going to mod out an H1 during a zombie attack?

All you need is some sheet metal and a torch. I'm thinking more of driving a couple Hummers into a Walmart and tricking them out there, in preparation for the great escape to the wilderness. If my grinding and welding attracts them, they can eat molotov cocktails. (In my *cinderblock* fortress)

> RE: curing the food - Do you know how to do this?

Yes, Alton Brown taught me how. It's not that hard.

> Even with an APC, you'll likely become stuck at one point and have to ditch the vehicle.

It takes quite a lot to get a skid-steer six-wheel APC stuck. You can safely drive on the shoulder or down the median pretty much as far as you want. Plus, once you get out to the wilderness, you can easily navigate logging trails or undeveloped fields. You could even use it as a safe shelter while you build your wilderness fort.

> But a treehouse at least ten feet off the ground will prevent zombies from reaching you while you sleep.

The problem is a strong storm, bolt of lightning, or insect infestation later, and you're back on the ground. I'd want something made of cinderblock or concrete. Which gives me an idea, how about a nuclear power plant? Those are built like fortresses. If run uncontrolled they'll just auto-SCRAM and safely shut down, leaving a huge, ultra-think cement fortress behind. They are usually a good distance from populated centers, and if you can figure out how to get them working, you have basically unlimited power for all your hairdryer and electric shaver needs!

[ Parent ]

Don't fret over things that might happen (none / 1) (#88)
by thenick on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 05:02:15 PM EST

"Not yet, just wait until the next mutant flu turns people into rampaging, flesh eating lunatics"

Why worry about what might be? We need to worry about the threat that exists right now, and that is Solanum infection. According to the Zombie Survival Guide, there have been over 50 recorded zombie outbreaks that can be traced to Solanum infection, while no recorded outbreak can be attributed to mutant flu infections.

"what damage can flaming zombies do to a cinderblock/concrete building?"

Well, not much to the shell of the building, but even with rotting fists, the zombies can get break through the barriers you have set up at the entrances. Metal doors will eventually give way under the unrelenting pressure of thousands of zombies, and the fire will only serve to weaken the metal. Not to mention what happens if they end up spreading the fire to surrounding buildings and  cause a firestorm of epic proportion.

"...how about a nuclear power plant?"

Considering that you probably wouldn't want to spend much time in the core, you'd have more room and similar protection in an old brick warehouse. I'd highly doubt that you could start up a nuclear plant, either. IIRC, the NRC has set up the plants so that if one goes unexpectedly offline, the plants connected to it will automatically shutdown. Something would probably need to be done remotely to restart the plant, but I don't know for sure.

If you're really interested in generating power, find a hydro plant. Just one turbine can supply your electrical needs and if the outbreak was rapid enough, the plant is probably still generating. The Straight Dope covers electrical generation during an outbreak very well here.

 
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex
[ Parent ]

Impromptu vehicle modding (none / 0) (#91)
by bunsen on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 07:05:58 PM EST

Speaking of the vehicle situation, where in the hell are you going to mod out an H1 during a zombie attack? the grinding of metal and noise of welding torches will all but assure the garage you're in is surrounded.

If TV has taught me anything, it's that you can turn pretty much any handy vehicle into a near-tank in an hour or two. All you need is a big angry black guy with a welding torch, a slightly insane pilot, a face man, and a cigar-chewing leader to get 'em all working together. If you can fend off the zombies for a little while, you're fine. And if the guy with the welding torch does his job well, you can probably just drive right through the accumulated horde.

If you really don't have time for welding, the black '83 GMC van in your garage will just have to do. You do have one of those, right?

---
Do you want your possessions identified? [ynq] (n)
[ Parent ]

You sir, are Incorrect (3.00 / 2) (#147)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Apr 23, 2005 at 10:37:27 PM EST

DO NOT, I repeat, do not eat the zombies. Zombies have been infected with Solanum, a virus that has proven to be 100 fatal and very easy to transmit. Eating a Zombie would most likely cause you to contract Solanum.

According to Max Brooks, you would not contract Solanum by eating zombie flesh, the flesh of solanum infected individuals is toxic. It will cause death, but not reanimation because solanum infection can't be transmitted by eating the flesh of a zombie.

Pages 3-4

    "Ingestion of infected flesh (provided the person has no open mouth sores), however, results in permanent death rather than infection. Infected flesh has proben to be highly toxic."

Pages 196-197 of the same book make reference to an incident in 1583 Sibera. All but two members of the Cossack Yermak's scouting party died as a result of consuming the flesh of a zombie.

Zombie flesh should be avoided under ALL circumstances, but because of its toxic nature and resultant permanent death, not Solanum infection.

LK


[ Parent ]

Surviving modern zombies (3.00 / 7) (#20)
by Polverone on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 06:55:37 PM EST

If you are going to prepare for an attack of zombies, you should prepare for the kind found in 28 Days Later. While hell has plenty of capacity for future deaths, frankenfood and other high-tech witchcraft threatens us every day. So it's far more likely that we will be endangered by high-speed zombies created by human meddling than by low-speed supernatural zombies. Let's assume that you wake up one day in a world full of "rage virus zombies."

On the downside, this means:

-Priests and other supernatural weapons are ineffective

-Zombies sprint, rather than shuffle, after you
-Infection by zombie bites other transfers of bodily fluid result in extremely rapid zombification, under one minute

On the upside:

-Zombies can be killed like other mammals
-Crowds of zombies will starve if you can hold out for a few weeks
-Zombies can't play comical supernatural tricks like hiding underwater for an hour, or commanding their severed hands to continue strangling you

It is difficult to tell what the capabilities of rage virus zombies are, apart from their speed and great infectiousness. They seem smart enough to infiltrate carefully guarded areas, but too stupid to grow food or commit financial fraud. They're filled with pathological rage, but only toward non-zombified creatures. What a Science Hero would do is find or make some sort of serum that makes the zombies mad at each other as well as non-zombies. Then you'd just have to hold out for a couple of days as all the zombies tear each other to shreds. You should probably hide in a Wal-Mart with a combined Garden and Germ Warfare department to maximize the chances of carrying out this plan successfully.
--
It's not a just, good idea; it's the law.

Don't think this is correct... (none / 0) (#33)
by slashcart on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 11:16:16 PM EST

I realize I'm venturing out of my field of expertise somewhat. But I've been led to believe that the following statement (taken from your post):
-Infection by zombie bites or other transfers of bodily fluid result in extremely rapid zombification, under one minute
...is incorrect for rage-virus zombies. Infection by a zombie-virus can take anywhere from a few minutes up to several hours.

[ Parent ]
have you seen the movie? (none / 0) (#34)
by Phil Urich on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 11:21:59 PM EST

In "28 Days Later" it was pretty damn quick. The father went over in less than a minute, and the people originally bit in the lab turned with blinding speed.

[ Parent ]
Probably wouldn't be that fast. (none / 0) (#97)
by cburke on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 09:16:10 PM EST

Sure, the movie used it effectively to create tension in a somewhat unique way.  Usually you have the drama associated with someone being wounded by zombies and awaiting transformation or committing suicide or hiding it, etc.  Instead someone getting caught by a zombie immediately upped the stakes because, shit, now there's fewer people and two zomies!

In a real-life rage-virus zombie situation, I think it is reasonable to expect infection to take longer to act.  For the changes wrought by this admittedly hypothetical virus, even hours would be very fast.  

Not that this means you should wait and test the hypothesis or that you shouldn't deal with the infected in the same way -- bullet to the head, ASAP.  Slow or fast, bringing the infected with you is begging for nasty death.  Same mistake people make with the Alien-infected, and it always ends badly.  No, the difference just means you don't have to worry so much about exponential zombie population explosions from a single attack.

[ Parent ]

an explanation (none / 0) (#129)
by Polverone on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 11:34:43 PM EST

It's obvious that those who get bodily fluids from rage-virus-infected creatures into their bodies undergo profound changes very rapidly. It's equally obvious that no virus can act this fast. I propose that the virus hijacks cellular machinery to produce copies of itself and to produce extremely potent chemicals that can pass the blood-brain barrier and induce rage. That's why exposed people change so quickly: they are affected by the rage-chemicals present in the fluids they've been exposed to. The rage-chemicals can act in seconds, like other potent drugs/poisons.

If you could get a rage zombie and produce a virus-free extract from its bodily fluids, the extract would temporarily induce rage. People who are infected, though, get their first dose of rage chemicals directly from the bodily fluids and experience sustained dosing as the virus subverts their own cells to continue producing rage.
--
It's not a just, good idea; it's the law.
[ Parent ]

That mostly makes sense. (none / 0) (#150)
by cburke on Sun Apr 24, 2005 at 10:51:53 PM EST

The part I'm not convinced on is that one drop of an infected person's blood contains enough Agitor (my suggested trade name for the rage chemical) to drive a person into a complete zombie rage, but that person isn't ODing after all the viruses infect his system and crank up the Agitor level high enough for him to infect the next person with another single drop of blood.

Nevertheless, I will keep this theory in mind in the event of a zombie infestation, and won't assume that infection will take time to take hold.

[ Parent ]

Imagine it's like LSD (none / 0) (#159)
by Polverone on Tue Apr 26, 2005 at 03:50:43 PM EST

It's almost impossible to experience acute health effects from an LSD overdose. There have been a few cases where people took pure LSD tartrate, mistaking it for some other powdery drug, and they survived, despite taking hundreds of thousands of times the typical recreational LSD dose. Agitor is thus like LSD, but far less likely to turn you into a hippie.
--
It's not a just, good idea; it's the law.
[ Parent ]
Dawn of the Dead (none / 0) (#51)
by NoMoreNicksLeft on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:18:13 AM EST

There were fast movers in this movie too, and I dispute that the cause is anything other than of supernatural origins.

What's more, without conclusive experimental findings, it is premature to expect holy water and the like to destroy zombies even if they are of a supernatural nature.

--
Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.
[ Parent ]

You are talking (none / 0) (#63)
by thankyougustad on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:19:12 PM EST

about the bastardization of that particular movie. In the original, the zombies were shufflers.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
As I understand it (none / 1) (#76)
by fluxrad on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:45:31 PM EST

The kind in 28 days later are infected with "Rage."

I did wonder why, instead of killing these zombies, the British Army didn't just drive around with microphones playing recordings of Polyphonic Spree.

--
"It is seldom liberty of any kind that is lost all at once."
-David Hume
[ Parent ]
s/microphones/megaphones (none / 0) (#84)
by fluxrad on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:35:13 PM EST

thankyouverymuch.

--
"It is seldom liberty of any kind that is lost all at once."
-David Hume
[ Parent ]
SIGH (none / 0) (#148)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Apr 23, 2005 at 10:44:39 PM EST

For sweet fuck's sake, there are NO ZOMBIES in 28 Days later. They are living, breathing people who are infected by a virus!!!!

Sick psychopaths can be a terrifying possibility, but they have nothing to do with a zombie outbreak.

LK

[ Parent ]

My Suggestion (2.87 / 8) (#37)
by Xptic on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 11:52:44 PM EST

Big fucking ninja swords.  Never needs reloading.  Works as long as you do.  Works better in a crowd.  The curved blades won't easily stick in decaying flesh.

The down side is that once you are tired, you are dead.

The upside is that you will stay fit.

While a gun can only take out one mofo at a time, ninja swords can act as crowd control.

The only down side is you have to go to a knife store at a mall to get them.  If the shit has started, malls are bad.  If you are just preparing, everyone in the mall will label you as a fucking knife freak.

Common mistake (2.25 / 4) (#38)
by Smothie on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:01:12 AM EST

Ninja's use straight swords, Samurai use curved ones.

--

Please visit my scoop site, Guppylog - For help with all livebearing fish.
[ Parent ]
sure, but only cause they were rare (none / 1) (#43)
by QuantumG on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:58:20 AM EST

it was pretty common for ninjas to take swords off dead samurai.. that's what pissed em off so much.

Gun fire is the sound of freedom.
[ Parent ]
Curved in any case is better (none / 1) (#108)
by jolly st nick on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:52:45 AM EST

for cleaving flesh. It is not just a byproduct of the manufacturing process. You can see that in a modern knife. A chef's knife or a Chinese cleaver, which is used for slicing, has a straight edge. A butcher's cleaver has a curved edge because it is used mainly for whacking.

[ Parent ]
Nonesense! (none / 0) (#82)
by RevLoveJoy on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:09:08 PM EST

Everyone knows you need a blunt / crushing weapon to adequatly damage the undead. You might as well tell people to use arrows on them ... oh wait, some other fool alread did that.

Meh, I gots me the Louisville slugger, 36 oz. Some might argue that an aluminium bat would be more practicle but I tell you the sound just isn't the same.

-- RLJ

Every political force in the U.S. that seeks to get past the Constitution by sophistry or technicality is little more than a wannabe king. -- pyro9
[ Parent ]

Blunt weapons... (none / 0) (#105)
by Shajenko on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:36:11 AM EST

Only help against skeletons, since bladed weapons don't have much to cut.

Blunt weapons don't work as well against zombies, since they tend to take the impact by squishing, and being otherwise unaffected.

[ Parent ]
screw you guys... (none / 0) (#116)
by RevLoveJoy on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 01:08:16 PM EST

I'm going home.

And I'm taking my DM rule book.

Cheers,
-- RLJ

Every political force in the U.S. that seeks to get past the Constitution by sophistry or technicality is little more than a wannabe king. -- pyro9
[ Parent ]

you're a drooling maniac (zombie?) (none / 0) (#121)
by CodeWright on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 04:35:26 PM EST

everyone knows that autoloader shotguns are better at crowd control than swords.

further, an improvement on the autoloader shotgun is a 6-pounder or 12-pounder cannon loaded with grapeshot.

--
A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

[ Parent ]
Why not use both? (none / 0) (#149)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Apr 23, 2005 at 10:50:51 PM EST

For the stray zombie or two, sure a katana would be perfect. It's quick, quiet and effective.

If one were to encounter 5+ zombies, a firearm is the way to go.

I can put one in a zombie's forehead while he's clawing away on the other side of a chain-link fence, you have to hope for a good stab. I can do it from a distance from the fence, you have to get close.

Long after zombies turn you into human sushi, I'll be scoring headshots like a cheater in CS.

[ Parent ]

Some things you missed (3.00 / 4) (#39)
by Mathemagician on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:14:54 AM EST

You need a long term source of water. If you're going to hole up in a store of some sort, the only way to do that is to put buckets out on the roof. However, this cuts down on the size of your rooftop garden. How much of the roof should you devote to each one?

Another thing to consider is hygiene/stench. I assume that after the taps run dry, there won't be enough water to shower or bathe. Any solutions?

And what about winter? What are your strategies for staying warm when the power cuts out? And how do you maintain a garden in sub-zero temperatures?

It's nice that you're (1.00 / 13) (#52)
by Kenneth Burke on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:22:21 AM EST

correcting a guy on HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE ATTACK.

Moron.

[ Parent ]

Hey, jackass (none / 0) (#74)
by Spendocrat on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:36:27 PM EST

Go read a book!

[ Parent ]
Sounds Good. Anything by (none / 1) (#77)
by Kenneth Burke on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:58:01 PM EST

Frank Miller you could recommend?  Or something wanky and illustrated by Meobius?

Or, anything good that Jerry Pournell has done recently?

I need help, cause I don't get enough crap in my reading-diet.  

[ Parent ]

Frank Miller's (none / 0) (#78)
by Spendocrat on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 03:08:30 PM EST

"In The Mood" is a good tune, but I don't think I've ever read anything by him.

[ Parent ]
Thank your God or gods, then. (none / 0) (#104)
by Kenneth Burke on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:27:54 AM EST

The idiocy that is comics has not spread to you.

[ Parent ]
Hey Burke (none / 0) (#89)
by Uber Banker 2 on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 05:26:46 PM EST

Try this http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/1400049628/ref=dp_nav_0/104-73 25228-0929502?%5Fencoding=UTF8&n=507846&s=books

[ Parent ]
Sorry, link no work. [nt] (none / 0) (#103)
by Kenneth Burke on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 08:46:43 AM EST



[ Parent ]
RE: Hey, jackass (none / 0) (#80)
by jbmcb on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 03:45:30 PM EST

I'll be laughing my ass off from the roof of my fortified Meijer's Thrifty Acres megastore as the zombies tear you apart.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the ever-increasing zombie horde, waiting to be incinerated by my sterno molotov cocktails.

[ Parent ]
Recycle... (none / 0) (#61)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 11:43:04 AM EST

Recycle your water. Urine can be purified with an evaporation mechanism and carbon activated filter. Sponge baths can keep you moderately clean, and a weekly "real" bath could be a mood enhancing splurge. You can use the leftover water for the plants.

How much space do you need? A big box retailer covers around one to two hectares of land, which is enough space to produce 33-66 tons of food with modern agriculture. Since we don't have modern agriculture, we must assume we will produce far less. If you have 100 people in your group, and they each eat a pound of food a day, you'll consume over 18 tons of food in a year.

This will be difficult to achieve.

Nonetheless, if you follow the advice in my comments and have your pidgeon ranch running, you should be able to devote around 3/4 of the roof space to farming and achieve a substinence level of food production. Rationing is a must.

[ Parent ]
I think the Home Depot idea is best. (3.00 / 2) (#134)
by DavidTC on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 07:21:10 PM EST

Don't take over just any Walmart. Find a Walmart/Target/Kmart near a Home Depot/Lowes. Take over the Walmart, keep the zombies at bay. To block up the big glass doors, park a few cars in the doorway. Before you do that, grab a 'real car', like a Hummer or a big truck, and drive it completely into the store, past where any fighting would be.

When the situtation there is nominally under control, and all but one exit blocked up, leave a few people there to defend the store, grab that vehicle, and drive over the Home Depot, and make a second base of operations.

It's going to be trickier, because that store will already be infested, but you've got a truck to drive around in (And you can actually drive around in home improvement stores.), and all the guns and ammo from Walmart. Clear the store out, brick up all but the giant rolling door entrance. Then, drive real building supplis back to Walmart, and contruct a real, defendable entrance there.

Why have them near each other, you ask? Because eventually you'll want to build walls between them, with the intent of enclosing a garden area.

I recommend cementing cars together around the parking lot. Don't try to start them, just shove them into place with forklifts, then pour cement on them from the biggest mixer Home Depot has. Come back and do another circle, five feet inside the first, and if you have enough cars, do a third.

Obviously, you'll want to keep some of the strong and big vehicles for yourself, but make sure you can see over all of them! They're to slow zombies down so you can get to safety/weapons, not to actually block them out. You'll be sleeping inside the stores themselves, and hoping the zombies aren't smart enough to wreck your garden while you sleep.

Be sure to break up concrete in the parking lot before you run out of gas. You can use that in the wall, also. Maybe you can even dig deep pits, assuming your home improvement store has the machines. (maybe dig a deep pit around your garden that dumps out at the door to the store, to divert zombies away from accidently trashing your garden, and instead to direct them pointlessly against your door.)

The next step is to get a generator mounted onto your truck, and drive out to gas stations and collect all their gas. (You'll need the generator because the power will have failed, to power the gas station pumps. Power grid failure could happen as soon as 24 hours after society falls apart.)

After that, I'd try to collect people.

You could print (Hey, did you get a Kinkos in with you? If not, don't worry, their equipment is easily movable.) your location on bright green paper, and drive through various urban areas throwing copies out the window, hoping other humans will find it.

As zombies are supposed to be able to remember stuff from when they were alive, I wouldn't say 'we're at the walmart', though. Some sort of easily solvable riddle might be called for.

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]

well thought out, but requires manpower (none / 1) (#137)
by dr zeus on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 07:45:19 PM EST

You could give it a shot if you can grab WalMart before the zombies really go crazy. You'll need quite a bit of manpower and planning. I especially like the idea of cementing the cars together, that's pretty cool.

The only problem I see is trying to dig through the parking lot to build a garden. You'll need some serious equipment for that, and the ground underneath is nothing but clay - not much good for growing crops. If you're lucky enough to get big equipment that can do that, you might try just digging up some dirt from elsewhere and dumping on the lot.

[ Parent ]
Yeah. (3.00 / 2) (#139)
by DavidTC on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 08:43:56 PM EST

Ripping up parking lots is not the greatest way to make a garden. However, it's a good sight better than trying to make them on a roof with stuff you dug out of the floor.

And you'll want to rip the cement even if you put soil on top...otherwise you'll have weird drainage issues. At least break it apart, even if you leave it in the same place.

And home improvement places actually have a lot of soil in them you can use, as do some Walmarts. I forgot to mention that, but hopefully it would be obvious. So you may not have to worry too much at first.

But the ideal solution would be a Super Walmart and Home Depot next to each other with dirt in between, yet with cars near enough you can drag into place. Go driving through the burbs one day and see if you find one. I personally know of a place almost like that. (Which, in fact, is what caused me to think of this idea.)

A garden is a tertiary worry at the start, though, unless it happens to be exactly the right time of year.

You will, however, need a defendable building with a working door that can quickly admit a truck, which is why trying to board yourself in using tools in Walmart is dumb. The very next thing you want to do after securing yourself is loot, and you can't do that if you need to tear down your door to get in and out! Hence the need for a Home Depot. Home Depots already have that door, and it's a good deal easier blocking up their entrances with stuff in the store.

Depending on how stupid zombies are, you might be able to carefully board up the entrance on the outside and repaint it so they can't even tell where it was. It's worth a shot, at least. If you aren't that good a builder, attach stuff to the rest of the building also and paint it, confusing the zombies just as well.

If you can't find an ideal setup with a Home Depot and Walmart next to each other, I recommend setting up your main base around around Home Depot, not Walmart. The building supplies in Home Depot are ultimately more important, and harder to move, than the stuff in Walmart.

You'll still want to start in a Walmart, though. You need the food, and you need the weapons, and no other store has both.

But you should start making regular trips in your truck, shipping stuff to the Home Depot. By the time the perishable food runs out, you should have stripped that store of anything of value. (Don't forget things like matresses. Small comforts can help a lot.)

At that point, abandon the store. You might want to leave the door open, so that zombies will not break it down...thus leaving you a known 'defendable' building if something happens.

More tips: Do not let anyone eat anything non-refridgerated until the refridgerated food is bad. (If the power is still on, quickly microwave all food that needs it. Continually, until the power goes out. Do not assume the power will stay on for more than a day.) Do not let anyone eat anything non-perishable until the perishable food is bad. You do not need rationing until the perishable food is bad, because you can't eat all that food fast enough. But do not let anyone open a can of soup.

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]

A/S/L? (none / 0) (#156)
by Zoshnell on Mon Apr 25, 2005 at 09:53:12 PM EST

Where are you located so that when the zombie hordes come I know of at least one more outpost of humanity will be at. Eventually we cann tunnel our way underground and really get a feel for what is important in life. Avoiding Zombies and robots.
---------------------------------------------------- "I think there I am, I think." - Nordom The Modron
[ Parent ]
It's kinda late (none / 0) (#168)
by DavidTC on Wed May 04, 2005 at 12:01:39 PM EST

....but if you read this, I'll be located in the suburbs northeast of Atlanta. Like Forsyth County.

If zombies invade, everyone should feel free to come by, drive around, see if you see some bright green and pink paper stapled to trees and whatnot with directions on them.

Be warned, in the first year, we probably won't let you in unless you've collected some canned food or gas on the way. But if you can drive here that should be no problem. Just don't show up as another mouth to feed...the defenses will already be up, and unless you can contribute you're out on the street.

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]

Look, it's very simple. (3.00 / 2) (#41)
by jd on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 01:51:21 AM EST

You get a 200 gallon drum of Holy Water and hook it up to a water cannon. You blast the zombies from a nice, safe distance, making sure that the ground is waterproof and has a wall running round it, to ensure that the surviving zombies can't cross the ground.

Eventually, they will look for easier brains.

Sure- simple enough (3.00 / 2) (#68)
by BottleRocket on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 01:58:52 PM EST

All you need is a 200 gallon drum, and a way to hook it up to a water cannon, and a wall next to a waterproof area, and a way to keep zombies from crossing the ground. And 200 gallons of holy water. Hell, I have all those things in my suitcase, just in case I need to make a quick exit.

Or, with just a bit more effort, you could just make a fountain that sprays jets of holy water, and you could sit in the middle of it. It could have a fence that keeps the zombies back, and it would be in the middle of a big waterproof park. And every day or so, the magic mines in the park go off, blowing up the piles of zombie bodies out of the park. Then it could rain fried chicken drumsticks and cheesecake with cranberry sauce.

By the way, the zombies will never look for easier brains. They will continue to come after your brains, even if they have to stumble over a mountain of other zombie bodies.

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

[ Parent ]

Zombies are not vampires, bro. (3.00 / 5) (#75)
by fluxrad on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:41:57 PM EST

You cannot kill a zombie using holy water. You cannot kill a zombie by putting a steak through its heart or shooting it with a silver bullet (unless you've shot it in the head).

Note to self: Do not hang out w/ jd in the event of a zombie attack lest you be killed by really irritated, but clean zombies.

--
"It is seldom liberty of any kind that is lost all at once."
-David Hume
[ Parent ]
mmm steak [n/t] (none / 0) (#111)
by flaw on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 11:01:12 AM EST



--
ピニス, ピニス, everyone loves ピニス!
[ Parent ]
Better than death by baked potato/fixin's (none / 0) (#114)
by fluxrad on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 12:11:05 PM EST

s/steak/stake/g

happy?

--
"It is seldom liberty of any kind that is lost all at once."
-David Hume
[ Parent ]
Yeah. (none / 0) (#135)
by DavidTC on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 07:27:23 PM EST

In the case of a vampire attack, you're basically screwed. Unless they're the kind that can't get in unless you invite them, and can't go out during the day. In which case, duh, you just stay inside all night.

However, zombies are undead, and as such shouldn't be able to cross running water, and should be vulnerable to silver in some way, even if it's not exactly clear how. Mainly because zombies don't appear to be 'vulnerable' to anything at all...any part of their body that is intact and connected to their brain will still operate.

Maybe silver has some effect on zombie infection...but I'd hate to be the guy who tested that.

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]

Hate to bust your bubble (3.00 / 2) (#42)
by IceTitan on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:43:31 AM EST

The Zombie Survival Guide : Complete Protection from the Living Dead
Nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
I have this book. (none / 0) (#98)
by planders on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 11:12:16 PM EST

It's pretty good. I'd recommend it if you enjoy this sort of thing. Coincidentally (or NOT?!) I also bought this book after having enjoyed the Dawn of the Dead 2004 remake, not being particularly into zombies before.

PS. If the zombies come, I would definitely want a well stocked boat and head out into the open ocean, working my way up to the coast of B.C. or Alaska.

[ Parent ]

The great white north (none / 0) (#110)
by dr zeus on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 10:17:54 AM EST

Seems to me that humans - live ones - would have a better chance of surviving north of the Arctic Circle. If the fit really hits the shan, and you can make the trip, that would be a possibility.

[ Parent ]
Isn't Wal-Mart already filled with zombies? (3.00 / 9) (#45)
by Psycho Dave on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:11:42 AM EST

***Must***Get***Gallon***Bucket***Of***Pickles***Only***3.88***(drool)***(drool)***

Remove the head or destroy the brain. (none / 1) (#46)
by HollyHopDrive on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:42:01 AM EST

That's it.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.

Chainsaw (none / 1) (#47)
by mulligan on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 05:14:08 AM EST

You definitively need a chainsaw.

Or, at a pinch... (none / 0) (#90)
by styrotech on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 06:01:27 PM EST

...a lawn mower.

[ Parent ]
Fuel is limited (none / 0) (#106)
by Jacoby on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:38:06 AM EST

...not to mention that both are rather cumbersome.  Bladed weapons are much better.

Which is why if the zombies ever attack here, I'm going to the Canadian Tire store near my house.  They sell machetes in the camping section.  :)

[ Parent ]

Also (none / 0) (#179)
by GameWhino on Sun Oct 16, 2005 at 01:35:51 AM EST

in addition, you're more likely to injure yourself when using a chainsaw; either by a fumble or the chain snapping and slicing you open.

[ Parent ]
Chain won't slice you open (none / 0) (#214)
by DarkAdmiral on Wed Jan 31, 2007 at 09:12:44 AM EST

MythBuster did something about snapping wires/chains and they concluded that the wire/chain would need more energy than it would get from breaking naturally to slice you apart, it will cause some major bleeding and pain though.

[ Parent ]
I hope you were paying attention, K5. (none / 1) (#48)
by gusnz on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 06:23:25 AM EST

There's a test on this, you know.


[ JavaScript / DHTML menu, popup tooltip, scrollbar scripts... ]

Don't take - register (none / 0) (#65)
by jago25 on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:39:22 PM EST

Careful, you have to register on some dating site to see the results!

[ Parent ]
No registration needed (none / 0) (#67)
by catseye on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 01:57:23 PM EST

I didn't register and I saw my results.

----------
How can we fight Islamic Fundamentalism abroad if we do not fight Christian Fundamentalism at home?
[ Parent ]
hell, no worries anyway (none / 0) (#178)
by GameWhino on Sun Oct 16, 2005 at 01:34:01 AM EST

It's free, actually. I bills itself as a dating site. In reality, it's more of a test-taking heaven. Half the tests on my Lj came from that site.

[ Parent ]
82% survival points [nt] (none / 0) (#92)
by Stick on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 07:24:26 PM EST




---
Stick, thine posts bring light to mine eyes, tingles to my loins. Yea, each moment I sit, my monitor before me, waiting, yearning, needing your prose to make the moment complete. - Joh3n
[ Parent ]
80% here [nt] (none / 0) (#109)
by dr zeus on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 10:14:11 AM EST



[ Parent ]
You fail it! [nt] (none / 0) (#118)
by Stick on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 03:05:55 PM EST




---
Stick, thine posts bring light to mine eyes, tingles to my loins. Yea, each moment I sit, my monitor before me, waiting, yearning, needing your prose to make the moment complete. - Joh3n
[ Parent ]
ph3ar me! (none / 0) (#119)
by Zoshnell on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 03:36:43 PM EST

88% Armed and Dangerous and in the fallout scenario: You scored 7 Survive Fallout, 8 Survive Nature, and 2 Survive Others! http://www.okcupid.com/tests/describescore?testid=18225999897290298427&score 0=7&score1=8&score2=2&score3=0 You two shall join my Human Brigade, maybe one step above the meatshields.
---------------------------------------------------- "I think there I am, I think." - Nordom The Modron
[ Parent ]
Woohoo 84%! (none / 0) (#120)
by Gully Foyle on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 03:39:19 PM EST

Shuck it Trebeck!

If you weren't picked on in school you were doing something wrong - kableh
[ Parent ]

hahaha 98% suckers, first try [nt] (none / 0) (#123)
by CodeWright on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 04:45:18 PM EST



--
A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

[ Parent ]
I'M NOT WORTHY! (none / 0) (#127)
by Zoshnell on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 08:45:09 PM EST

I bow to your Zombie-survival worthiness. You are totally a meat shield as you threaten the stranglehold I will have over my Costco!
---------------------------------------------------- "I think there I am, I think." - Nordom The Modron
[ Parent ]
Someone did (2.50 / 2) (#49)
by Greventls on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 07:22:31 AM EST

If you would have done a google search, you would have found that someone did write a zombie survival guide. The Zombie Survival Guide It is by Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks, and is an excellent guide for dealing with zombies.

The Cognitive Neuropsychology of Zombies. (3.00 / 13) (#50)
by onemonkey on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 07:49:15 AM EST

I have only one observation of my own to add. Living in London, I am not near a large mega-mart and garden centre and have only limited access to firearms. My options for an extended fortified siege are limited, even now I can foresee it will be necessary for me to walk amongst them.

Zombies are a lot worse at passing themselves off as humans than Dan Dennett would have you believe. There is no known incident of a zombie passing the Turing Test. (Certainly none I have seen published in a peer-reviewed journal.) Often, zombies are detected almost instantaneously due to their obvious lack of social awareness or other simple and striking non-verbal cues. An alert human will have no difficulty discriminanting between zombies and non-zombies.

A more interesting question is, how easy is it for a human to pass as a zombie? There is a well documented history of zombies not attacking each other. The reasons for this are unclear, but a working hypothesis is that they can make the basic perceptual discrimination between living and undead. Certainly this would be beneficial to them, for as the old saying goes "Consciousness is an epiphenomenon of fresh brains."

This leads us to speculate as to what form of perception zombies use to detect humans and whether we can fake it. The zombie state is almost synonymous with higher-cortical disfunction; they lack language and expressive behaviours, they show no purposeful action and extremely limited abstract reasoning ability, they show only primitive fears of fire, etc. They do seem to possess some primitive procedural memory, some kind of instinct, memory of what used to be but do not demonstrate the ability to assimilate new information or learn new skills.

Therefore, it seems likely their higher sensory apparatus will also be working on a similarly degraded level and the potential for deception exists. As is true of some much of perceptual psychology far more is known about the visual system in zombies, than other senses. Even leaving aside the question of what level their visual cortex still functions, the breakdown of humours in the eyeball and degradation of the cornea will leave the zombie with very poor eyesight. It is doubtful whether zombies would be able to detect between the fresh glean of healthy skin and the dull, pallor of undead flesh, let alone subtle changes in posture and muscle condition, so on visual inspection alone a zombie could not discriminate between you and a zombie standing next to you. More easily detectable signals such as high contrast or sudden movement are probably within its' perceptual range. And to be safe, I am assuming they may still be able to detect characteristic purposeful human movement.

Less is known about zombies hearing. Again we can expect a fair degree of degradation in their perceptual abilities. Zombies not only lack language but do not seem to respond to even simple spoken commands or requests. Their own 'communication' is restricted to a low moaning or 'death-rattle'. They do retain the ability to localize sound sources and show some awareness of the special nature human vocalization. However, they appear to show no higher understanding of zombie-directed speech. Likewise, although there are no known dichotic listening studies with zombies, anecdotal evidence suggests they are easily confused by multiple sound sources. It is likely that respond aggressively on only a very primitive basis to the highly salient stimuli in the characteristic mid-range frequencies of normal human speech.

Although I know this is a controversial opinion, personally, I dismiss the possibility of zombies detecting humans using olfactory cues. Certainly, little is known about the working of the human olfactory system. It is conceivable that in the absence of higher cognitive function, this relatively independent mid-brain system may have stronger influence on behaviour, I feel the cues will not strong enough. From an evolutionary psychological perspective, I feel that our sense of smell is far more likely to be tuned to the avoidence of putrefaction and decay than the detection of fresh brains. It just smells wrong to me.

In my opinion, by the wearing of drab clothing, the simple avoidance of sudden, seeming purposeful movement, a lowered gaze and the restriction of vocalisations to the lower registers, you should be able to walk amongst the zombies relatively unmolested. Although it might be not necessary, a lower standard of person hygiene might help and may in any case be unavoidable. However, further research is required.

onemonkey.org

You just described Terri Schiavo ;) (2.88 / 18) (#53)
by Bernie Fsckinner on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:23:11 AM EST

  • obvious lack of social awareness:Check
  • Higher-cortical dysfunction: Check
  • they lack language and expressive behaviours: Check
  • no purposeful action :Check
  • lack language : Check
  • do not seem to respond to even simple spoken commands or requests: Check
    'communication' is restricted to a low moaning or 'death-rattle': Check


[ Parent ]
Shame on you! (none / 1) (#56)
by GhostfacedFiddlah on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 10:04:05 AM EST

Now have a 3.

[ Parent ]
This sounds familiar (3.00 / 2) (#54)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:39:21 AM EST

...by the wearing of drab clothing, the simple avoidance of sudden, seeming purposeful movement, a lowered gaze and the restriction of vocalisations to the lower registers...a lower standard of person hygiene...

Sounds like my sysadmin.

[ Parent ]
Possibly (3.00 / 5) (#79)
by slashcart on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 03:28:58 PM EST

Certainly this would be beneficial to them, for as the old saying goes "Consciousness is an epiphenomenon of fresh brains."
This view is supported by anecdotal evidence. In the documentary film "28 days later" a man lay in a coma in a hospital for 28 days while the zombie outbreak occurred; and while the nurses and staff of the hospital were attacked, he was not. He awoke from the coma not knowing what had happened.

That anecdote suggests that zombies detect non-zombies by observing behavioral traits associated with regular humanity, like purpose-directed behavior and the exhibition of higher cortical functions. For if zombies detected fresh brains using the raw evidence of their senses (for example, the smell of non-decayed flesh) then they would have detected and attacked the comatose subject, who had all the physical attributes of regular humanity except the exhibition of consciousness.

That intruiging observation suggests novel approaches to the management of a zombie-virus outbreak. Since zombies identify each other using behavioral cues, and those cues can easily be faked, a strategy of confusing the zombies by everyone acting like a zombie seems workable. These "zombie-fakes" could even communicate with each other, in the midst of real zombies, by exchanging subtle visual cues (winks, nods, etc) which the real zombies would be unable to detect.

It should be noted that the "zombie-fake" strategy, which I have every reason to believe will be successful, is precisely the opposite of the "run-and-fortify" strategy recommended until now by zombologists. This raises the possibility that zombie outbreaks may actually have been exacerbated by following the advice of the traditional scientific establishment, which includes the parent article. If zombies are attuned to purposive behavior, then the fortification of buildings, which obviously is purposive, may very well be what provokes them.

In conclusion, I should note that public confidence in scientific establishments would be severely shaken if advice given by those establishments to avoid zombie infection were later shown to increase the chances of it. In the very least, further recommendations should be made on a provisional basis only, until rigorous outcome studies can be conducted which would prove the efficacy of the recommended technique.

[ Parent ]

But what about sleeping then? [nt] (none / 0) (#81)
by Chancellor Martok on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 03:54:50 PM EST



-----
Chancellor Martok  in Sydney, Australia
"Castrate instead. That can surely rehabilitate. I did it volunatrily, and my grades went up!"  -- Sen

[ Parent ]
They locked the coma guy's door though [nt] (none / 0) (#95)
by kromagg on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:06:32 PM EST



[ Parent ]
'Night of the Living Dead'? (none / 0) (#130)
by borderline on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 03:53:55 AM EST

Remember how it ends?

[ Parent ]
Could this theory lead to zombie repelant? (none / 0) (#132)
by tonyenkiducx on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 06:10:55 AM EST



Tony.
I see a planet where love is foremost, where war is none existant. A planet of peace, and a planet of understanding. I see a planet called
[ Parent ]
Lest we forget (none / 0) (#169)
by slackhaus on Wed May 04, 2005 at 03:47:49 PM EST

This has been proven fact in the escapades of Shaun, as told in the informative documentary of his survival "Shaun of the Dead". Wander and shuffle around aimlessly well making low gutteral sounds should keep you undetected long enough to pass though a group of the walking dead.

[ Parent ]
Long Term Food Source (3.00 / 3) (#58)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 10:18:18 AM EST

Man shall not live by bread alone... he needs meat too. So what are you going to do for protein? (Vegetarians may commence debate regarding the comparison of flesh eating zombies and flesh eating humans.)

You have a couple of options, as I see it. First, if you were exceptionally prepared, you might have brought along a breeding pair of meat-on-legs: rabbits, chickens, etc, something small. You aren't going to raise a herd of cattle in a Costco/WalMart/etc.

If you're like me, and don't have a pet chicken, you still have a backup: pigeons. It's a bird, so it must taste like chicken, right? Some birdseed, a few cages on the roof, and you should have a few breeding pairs of pigeons in no time. Scrambled eggs, anyone? Better than scrambled brains. You also have the less tasty option of rodent meat. Tastes kinda like chicken, but with a gamey flavor that some people like.

rabbits are useless... (none / 0) (#66)
by Run4YourLives on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 01:35:55 PM EST

There's no nutritional value in rabbit whatsoever.

You're better off with a couple of pigs or sheep.

It's slightly Japanese, but without all of that fanatical devotion to the workplace. - CheeseburgerBrown
[ Parent ]

It's a good thing I live in a pigsty (none / 0) (#73)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:32:39 PM EST

Or so I'm told.

[ Parent ]
I can't believe ... (none / 1) (#131)
by spasticfraggle on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 04:01:51 AM EST

That a) I looked up the nutritional value of rabbit flesh b) I'm going to post it, in c) an article about zombie survivalism (best on k5 in a long time!)

http://www.taylorpondfarms.com/nutrition.htm

Rabbit: Good for protein, but not so much energy.

Beans are far superior

--
I'm the straw that broke the camel's back!
[ Parent ]

But they're low in fat (none / 1) (#133)
by dr zeus on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 09:24:34 AM EST

and salt and cholesterol! So you'll stay heart-healthy. Plus they breed like... well, like rabbits.

[ Parent ]
depends on the situation. (none / 0) (#145)
by Run4YourLives on Fri Apr 22, 2005 at 05:02:12 PM EST

The body uses its own minerals and vitamins to digest rabbit meat, so you would be better off without it in a survival situation.

It's slightly Japanese, but without all of that fanatical devotion to the workplace. - CheeseburgerBrown
[ Parent ]
Bird=chicken? (none / 1) (#94)
by mcgrew on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 07:32:48 PM EST

Pork must taste like beef, since they're both mammals. Cod must taste like walleye, since they're both fish. And come to think of it, chicken and turkey must be identical as well.

"The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
[ Parent ]

Protein (none / 0) (#151)
by egeland on Mon Apr 25, 2005 at 04:49:31 AM EST

Real protein requirements

--
Some interesting quotes
[ Parent ]
Rock Doves (none / 0) (#166)
by clambake on Sat Apr 30, 2005 at 09:23:52 AM EST

Actually, the reason there are so many damn pigeons EVERYWHERE in the world is because people used to use them for food and took them everywhere.  So snack away!

[ Parent ]
Don't vegetables (none / 1) (#62)
by Alienated Buddha on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 12:16:50 PM EST

usually take half a year or so to grow? What are you going to eat until then, smarty pants?

Canned food (none / 0) (#71)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 02:31:01 PM EST

And whatever fresh food you can eat before it goes bad. That's why I suggest a someplace like a Super Walmart, or Big K, or SuperTarget that has a grocery store and a general merchandise store in one building.

Also, veggies only take around 60 days to produce fruit. With proper planting you can 3 or more harvests a year, not to mention growing food in a greenhouse during the colder months.

[ Parent ]
Nah, couple of months. (none / 0) (#93)
by mcgrew on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 07:31:24 PM EST


"The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
[ Parent ]

Humans vs. Humans? (3.00 / 4) (#83)
by RestRubeRabies on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:16:56 PM EST

What about the other humans that want to get your shit? You know, the ones that didn't stock up and plan beforehand. You best be ready to take care of this problem also. Used correctly, the Zombies could become a valuable weapon.

The infamous motorcycle gang? (3.00 / 2) (#86)
by dr zeus on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:47:36 PM EST

They would have a hard time getting through the sea of zombies around your big-box turned fortress. But even if they manage that, this is another good reason to pick a building with few entrances and little glass. Even a direct hit to the wall with a speeding vehicle is unlikely to break through.

Still, you should be prepared, so I appreciate you bringing this up. Maybe you could surround the fortress with obstacles, like parked cars, to prevent a ramming assault. It wouldn't stop them from placing an explosive charge or scaling the walls, but it would make an attack that much harder.

Hopefully the survivors of a zombie attack would be beyond the looting-and-pillaging mania by the time they organize into gangs large enough to threaten your fortress, and would be more willing to cooperate for mutual survival.

[ Parent ]
Good Point (none / 1) (#115)
by eatbolt on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 01:01:29 PM EST

The ones who did stock up and plan would be more of a threat. In almost every situation where resources are scarce and humans are under duress, people will horde and defend. The further you move away from Z-Day, the more fortified these strongholds of non-Zombies will become - the weaker ones having already been overrun. If the Zombies are able to live for extended periods of time, it will become increasingly necessary for humans to raid each other to acquire needed supplies (and to defend against raids on their own territory). An advantage would be the distance between strongholds. It's fairly plausible to assume that 10 weeks after Z-Day, there would be at least one 100-human strong fortification per large city. The logistics of traveling between cities would be a formidable obstacle, even for well-organized groups. There's also the matter of determining how many people to assemble into a raid party versus how many to leave behind to defend the stronghold. I would think, early on, people will be in either one of three categories. Solo) Single person, Small) Groups of people 2-10, and Large) Groups of people 10-? Solo and Small groups will be either be wiped out by the Zombies or perish due to lack of resources. The period where Solo and Small groups can survive would be pretty short, except in rare occasions. It's only after the majority of the smaller groups have retreated or been destroyed that Large groups will have any real security concerns.

[ Parent ]
hehe here's a similar theme for you. (3.00 / 4) (#85)
by CAIMLAS on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:45:14 PM EST

I don't suppose you're a member of this forum or happened to read this thread recently? The thread addresses what kinds of weapontry a person might want in such a situation. Definately a must, unless you think you can hack (sic) it with a wrench, crowbar (my preference after a good sword), axe, or other such impliment. I wouldn't count on it.

This 'advice' you gave is actually pretty good advice for a general "shit hitting the fan" scenario, I'd imagine.

I would personally have a longsword or a kitana, so I could simply cleave their heads from their bodies. It's a bit less energy-intensive to utilize than a sledge or other impactive weapon.

For firearms, I'd have an RPG or something similar. Preferably something like this. Actually, that very device would do just fine, preferably with a humvee to mount it on. That would mainly be used for zombie horde dispersal, as one of those rounds would do a good enough job of blowing up the brains of at least half a dozen tightly-packed zombies (ever notice how they tend to group together when in few numbers? very bad tactics.)

I'd also equip myself with the personal arms of an AK47 and a Springfield MilSpec 1911 (or maybe an H&K USP in .45). Both would use hollowpoint ammunition, so that they would actually destroy their brains instead of simply putting a hole in them. Gotta make sure they're dead.

The AK would be picked over a shotgun or some other rifle due to its durability, low maintanance requirements, and relative ammunition weight compared to, say, a shotgun - I could carry a lot more of it. That'd be useful in the case of fast-moving zombies (a shotgun doesn't typically carry more than 8 rounds in a clip, vs. the 30 in an AK mag or the 50 in a drum).

The 1911, because it's a tried and true, simple design, and for zombie whacking, not much less than .45ACP hollowpoint ammunition will do: we're not trying to kill people here, we're trying to kill things that are already dead. That requires significantly more stopping power.

Additionally, there are a couple flaws in your analysis:

  • WalMart uses thin metal roofing and siding material for their buildings. It's often insulated, but it's not terribly impact-proof. Zombies are strong, and can knock through many walls without problems. So a concrete factory or something else of considerable strength might be a better option. Bonus points if you live in Europe and have access to a nice stone castle!
  • The place you pick should have 4 solid walls, a solid weight-baring roof, and a thick cement or stone floor. Nothing else will suffice.
  • You also want a 'sniping' position for someone to keep watch. Those zombies like making attacks when you least expect it, so you've got to be on the lookout for those fuckers.
  • Zombies can climb. Ignoring this fact - particularly with a weak roof - will be indicative of your ability to remain not undead.
  • Don't under-estimate the slow zombies. While they're slow, they're also a lot smarter than their faster undead bretheren, and seem to be a fair bit stronger as well (particularly in their upper-body strength). They'll hide in various places just waiting for a chance to reach through a wall and grab you, or out from a locker.
  • Some zombie researchers (those that looked into Umbrella Corporation's activities) agree that non-human species can be infected. This means it'd be a good idea to shoot any animal that comes near you and appears infected. I'd recommend possibly getting a couple cattle or other meat-bearing plants if you don't plan on becoming an herbavore.
  • General rule: if it's large enough to be bitten by a human or animal that can be bitten by a human, it can become a zombie. I don't know if this includes reptiles, insects, fish, or single-celled organisms however. That might lead to some seriously unfuckable situations.
I suspect a zombie dies once its brain decays enough to no longer appear to be a brain, regardless of their hunger for flesh. This could be a matter of hours, days, weeks, or even months depending on your climate. I don't think any research has been done on the perpensity for flesh intake to decrease or even entirely reverse the effects of decay on zombies, so this might impact the outcome. Additionally, all bets are off if zombies are fueled by some sort of perpetual-motion damnation machine.
--

Socialism and communism better explained by a psychologist than a political theorist.

Do you have any documentation... (none / 1) (#136)
by DavidTC on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 07:45:18 PM EST

...of zombies climbing buildings?

Human zombies, I mean. Presuambly, if squirrels can become zombies, they can still climb. (And I agree there has not been enough research into the area of non-human zombies.)

But humans climbing, especally random buildings, requires a level of motor skills and a level of intelligence that I am not sure zombies possess enough of either. Maybe ladders, if they see someone else do it, or can remember enough, but a random building? No way.

And I think, on closer inspection, that all tales of zombies 'making plans' and hiding somewhere are overrated. Zombies can certainly stand somewhere waiting for food to show up, and can possibly even delibrately conceal themselves where they have seen someone a short time ago. (And zombies have nothing but patience.)

However, I seriously doubt they are intelligent enough to grasp human motives and predict in advance 'This is the one car in the area, I will hide under it and catch them when they try to leave', for example. Unless they saw someone drive up. A zombie might barely be able to remember that cars can move by themselves, but that's a long way from 'people here want to escape', 'cars can move when people make them', 'if people are in a car when it moves, they will escape', and 'thus, people will want to get to the car'.

Or the classic 'Someone might show up on the other side of this wall'. I suspect in all such cases the zombie was just walking by and happened to detect someone on the other side of the wall. (Unlike many people, I am not sure of the 'dimished senses' theory, and I suspect they can easily hear people walking on the other side of walls.)

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]

HL2 (none / 0) (#141)
by nxor on Fri Apr 22, 2005 at 02:52:21 AM EST

Fast zombies in Half Life 2 can climb and jump just about anything.

[ Parent ]
Ah... (none / 0) (#144)
by DavidTC on Fri Apr 22, 2005 at 11:45:19 AM EST

..but are those actual technically zombies, or merely possessed people?

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]
Myth: Zombies are Strong (none / 0) (#153)
by chewie on Mon Apr 25, 2005 at 05:23:00 PM EST

Zombies are strong, and can knock through many walls without problems.

Contrary to popular belief, zombies are no stronger than the humans they once were. They are still animals of flesh and bone. Zombies may utilize adrenaline to a larger degree and will effectively ignore pain. A zombie may be "better" at dealing damage than a human, but they do so while inflicting damage to themselves and have a limited sense of the effect of their actions with respect to their future existence, if any sense of a long-term future at all.

By all means, provide barriers that zombies might be able to take down, if it harms them to do so. It makes the job of "cleanup" and "finishing them off" much easier.

[ Parent ]

The Paladin Angle? (Or maybe 'Angel'?) (3.00 / 4) (#87)
by EXTomar on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 04:53:49 PM EST

Every time I see a movie like Dawn of the Dead I think "Man, these guys would have a much easier time if one of them was a Paladin."

Consider this:

  • Fearless

    Often because said man or woman is full of the grace and power of a holy diety they don't get scared easily least of which by a bunch of mouldy corpses. This kind of attitude can be comforting and often rubs off on others.

  • Anti-undead skills

    Depending on what the powers that be bless them with said man or woman will probably have a load of things they can do to destroy, dismember, disenchant, and other 'D' words to target Undead. This can range from outright destructive attacks to making them run away to making them ignore you to sensing where the creapy buggers are rotting. All in all very handy to have when facing an army of zombies.

  • Weapondry

    Lets face it. When facing a hostile body of animated corpses ready to eat your brains isn't it handy to know someone who is an expert at wielding weapons. Oh sure it may not be as sexy as a flamethrower or a 44 Magnum but beggers can't be choosers. A Paladin has weapons and anyone living with a weapon is probably your friend during a zombie invasion.

  • Healing

    While the world is realing under a post-apocalyptic senario of a zombie attack, medicine and in general medical supplies are going to be a hot commodity. Unless you decide to hold up in a Johnson & Johnson medical warehouse you will need some medical help. Even if you are sitting on a stockpile of supplies, all of the bactine and band-aids won't help you if you aren't a pre-med student. The nice thing about Paladins is they often can heal and cure some of the nasty festering zombies can do.

So sure a shotgun and a strongly fortified dwelling are handy to have during a crisis of this magnatude but would I rather tap my "Rambo friend" or my "King Arthur friend" when zombies come a knocking?



Weapons and Targets (none / 0) (#152)
by chewie on Mon Apr 25, 2005 at 05:11:20 PM EST

As mentioned in earlier posts, the modern weapons of choice include powerful, knock-em-down caliber rifles for long range and shotguns for short range. Flame-throwers are right out, unless you want a flaming zombie pacing up to your front door and burning down your house. Disable first, then burn. Of course, with guns and flame throwers, you have ammunition and maintenance to worry about, but these problems can be tackled with reloaders and supplies.

That leads us up melee weapons. When picking a melee weapon, consider your personal skills or lack thereof. Although some have shunned the baseball bat, it has some properties that even a Paladin would appreciate.

  • It's easy to wield. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can swing a bat.
  • It was designed for swinging! It's very well balanced.
  • It doesn't get stuck in the body of your opponent. No more wrestling against the force of suction to get your featureless machette blade out of the body of a still moving zombie.
  • It is a crushing weapon. You can break knees, elbows, bones, the neck, and even crush the skull.
  • You can add weight to it! Remember those baseball bat weights that you use to warm up your swing. More mass equals more damage!
  • Doesn't run out of ammo. Of course, it's a melee weapon.

If you have a little more skill, a good, stout staff might be a better choice. Look for waxwood or a hardwood. Oak is heavy and tends to split, but it'll work in a pinch. Stay away from the softwoods: pines and cedars. They will split almost immediatly or within a short period of time of your first melee encounter. You can make a staff out of closet poles, just cut it off at your height. Again, the objective with a staff, as with a bat, is to disable critical joints or outright crush the skull. (If you're strong, a 1/2 inch diameter steel pipe will work as well.)

For cutting weapons available in a modern day WalMart, the machette is probably the most versatile. Remember, though, that it is a light weapon. The force required to cut through bone to behead a zombie will not come from the blade. It carries little kinetic energy, and relies more upon accuracy than force. Consider the machette a "finishing weapon" or a last resort.

Now, if you had a nice, hefty longsword, this would not be the case, but it takes some skill to learn how to use it correctly. Your department store or mall may have replica swords hanging on the walls. If this is the case, see if you can't manage to snag one. Then, find someone to teach you how to use it or raid the local video store or video store for materials.

That brings up a good point. In choosing a location to "hole-up", locate your local martial arts schools. These are likely to become the center of a resistance movement. You can never go wrong having someone educated in the art of self defense and weapons as your friend.

In the mean time, enroll yourself in a standing-fighting style of martial arts. You will never win a fight with a zombie using Judo or Jujitsu. Concentrate on Aikdo, Tae Kwan Do, Tung Soo Do, and the various schools of Chinese Kung Fu. No one has cooler weapons than the Japanese and Chinese.

Oh, and for someone who will inevitably shout proclimations about how wonderful a greatsword would be, just remember that not all of us are built like Arnold Schwartzeneger. It takes a great deal of skill and not a small amount of muscle to efficiently use a greatsword, not to mention the support of a good shield-wall (fellow survivors armed with a shield and a single handed melee weapon). Personally, I would prefer a nice polearm, a staff with a blade on one end and a counter-balance weight on the other (consider a closet-pole with a machette as a makeshift polearm).

Good luck, fellow survivors!

[ Parent ]

A four barrel shotgun is always nice [nt] (none / 1) (#96)
by Stick on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 08:16:28 PM EST




---
Stick, thine posts bring light to mine eyes, tingles to my loins. Yea, each moment I sit, my monitor before me, waiting, yearning, needing your prose to make the moment complete. - Joh3n
The Zombie Survival Guide (none / 0) (#99)
by heliarch on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 11:48:11 PM EST

is a available from Three Rivers Press. It is accurate, factual, and precsise. Although hard to find, the Special Forces 'Improvised Munitions Manual' makes a great companion book to the above.

well it might seem odd and it might seem corny, (2.33 / 3) (#100)
by the ghost of rmg on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 12:33:24 AM EST

but here's some sexy tips for those who are horny:

zombies are just like any other organization. they have a hierarchy and a chain of command. if you want to survive, you just have to get in with higher ups -- and we all know the best way to do that.

now the thing about fucking a zombie is that they're a fair bit squishier than your average exec. it's especially important to use protection with them because you can get a lot worse than gonorrhea from those motherfuckers. now you girls out there gotta be especially careful, cause if they want some oral action, you're not going to be much better off than if you just let them eat your brain.

now some of the more puritanical readers might find this shocking, and i appreciate that, but in the spirit of this site, i thought i'd just give it to you straight. now the thing to remember is that zombies are pretty particular and are liable to eat your brain anyway if you turn out to be a bad lay. dead bodies are a whole different ball game, so unless you have experience with girls that're passed out on a couch after shooting up, don't count on your experience with living subjects to map smoothly to the undead. now just to make sure i'm ready, i like to sneak into the county coroner's once or twice a week to get some practice, though that's really a reflection of my devotion to my family and the lengths i'm willing to go to keep them safe in case of the unthinkable.

anyway, just thought i'd throw that out there.


rmg: comments better than yours.

Now remember... (none / 0) (#125)
by p3d0 on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 05:32:17 PM EST

It's ok to start a sentence without the word "now" every so often.
--
Patrick Doyle
My comments do not reflect the opinions of my employer.
[ Parent ]
i disagree. (none / 0) (#126)
by the ghost of rmg on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 05:34:10 PM EST

in some kinds of righting, such rules are made to be broken.


rmg: comments better than yours.
[ Parent ]
uhh.... (none / 0) (#200)
by princecyrus06 on Mon May 01, 2006 at 12:27:10 PM EST

... I don't think you'll survive if you try to have sex with a zombie. First off, zombies don't have a chain of command you moron! Second, why would you wanna have sex with a zombie, or even a dead body anyway? I prefer the living. You just need to jump off a bridge, cause I really don't wanna have to waste my bullets on you after you get bitten by a zombie. Sorry, but it's the truth...
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
slightly offtopic (none / 1) (#101)
by circletimessquare on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 01:47:10 AM EST

but dan savage, my favorite sex advice columnist, just published a letter from a guy who has a genuine zombie fetish

BWAHAHAHA


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Ewww! Gross! (none / 0) (#199)
by princecyrus06 on Mon May 01, 2006 at 12:21:05 PM EST

I'm sorry, but anyone who is even thinking about having sex with a zombie, just go ahead and jump off a cliff or something! It will save the rest of us the trouble of having to kill you after you get bitten by a zombie.
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
An important point (3.00 / 2) (#102)
by nollidj on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 02:47:07 AM EST

The appropriate actions to undertake vary greatly depending on the nature of the zombie menace. As such, it is advisable to do what one can to know one's enemy. A basic division between natural and supernatural motive forces can be made in cases of zombie infestation described in the extant literature (Carmack, et al 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2004; Burton, 1090; Romero, 1968; and most pertinently, Boyle and Garland, 2002). Ascertaining the motive force behind a horde of the shambling dead may be as simple as flinging holy water on them. If one gets to know one's enemy in this capacity, the knowledge gained may prove invaluable when determining if you should throw the aged priest or the aged biologist to the ravening hordes.

I propose that a suitable battery of field tests be devised in order that, in conjunction with simple observation of the zombie menace, survival experts may be able to determine quickly and conclusively how best to combat the undead. The abovementioned test with holy water is a good one, as it requires simple preparation and no special knowledge. A number of "tests" can be performed simply through foreknowledge and observation: do the undead only make their presence known at night? Are they unable to cross over running water? Finding which set of characteristics from recorded experience a given zombie horde fits is a necessity.

Several cautions must be made, unfortunately. The first and foremost is that, in part due to the lack of thorough cross-referencing between the descriptions of zombies we have available, it is difficult to determine as to whether these descriptions are comprehensive and guaranteed to be applicable when the inevitable tide of the undead comes. As such, diagnostics should assess primarily the weaknesses of and best ways to combat the horde and focus less on discovery and classification. Survival is paramount; enterprising taxonomists are advised to keep a daily journal or, at most, an audio record (as has been noted in Carmack, et al 2004) in order to aid future zombie studies, but such data are useless in the short-term unless they can be bent towards the immediate destruction of the menace.

In response to dr_zeus, 2005, I would like to add the distinct possibility of the appearance of zombie intelligence. Although many have indicated that apparent lack of intelligence is one of the defining traits of a "zombie", if a zombie infestation is the result of supernatural (viz., demonic) or otherwise extraterrestrial influence, there exists the possibility that the influence is itself intelligent, malevolent, and capable of exerting a continuous influence over the actions of its undead minions. The works of Carmack, et al are clear evidence that, in the field, zombies are capable of using relatively complex equipment including but not limited to firearms, explosives, and chainsaws. As such, field agents should be prepared (at least at the outset, before the characteristics of the infestation are made clear) to combat foes who are as armed to the teeth as they are. Whether to take shelter on holy ground or simply to hightail it to the nearest military facility becomes a question when this factor is introduced.

In a final note, if the nature of an infestation is determined to be supernatural, there is the interesting question of how exactly to fight it and whether one really ought to consider converting to a particular religion. In nollidj (forthcoming), there are discussed the theological ramifications of the people in the church next door getting eaten but your sect being left in relative peace.

muahaha. MuaHaHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAA!!!!

Very possibly not (3.00 / 2) (#107)
by jolly st nick on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:38:39 AM EST

In a final note, if the nature of an infestation is determined to be supernatural, there is the interesting question of how exactly to fight it and whether one really ought to consider converting to a particular religion. In nollidj (forthcoming), there are discussed the theological ramifications of the people in the church next door getting eaten but your sect being left in relative peace.

Very possibly not.

The religious scholar, Karen Armstrong, has noted that the religious thinkers behind the first crusade were interested in the egalitarian and spiritually purgative effects of pilgrimage, the common interests of the pilgrim in visiting sacred places, venerating (and indeed stealing) sacred relics was very different. They considered these places and things to be imbued with what Armstrong called a kind of "holy radioactivity". This existed quite independently of the subjective mental states of typical individuals, although certain exceptional individuals could generate it or negatively affected by it.

If there is truty to this vewpoint, it may be that the neighboring sect may be fortuitously located on ground or in the possession of objects imbued with holy radioactivity. Alternatively, they may be fortunate to be associated with a charismatic (from the Greeek charis, for "gift") individual. This would suggest that the logical survival strategy is not to convert, but to appropriate the property or person in question for your own use.

[ Parent ]

You are right. (none / 1) (#138)
by DavidTC on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 08:03:49 PM EST

All too often we make the assumption that a certain zombie attack is the result of X, where in reality there are several documented, and even more rumored, types of zombies.

The two major types are supernatural vs. scientific zombies. And telling them apart is extremely important.

But I have to disagree with the holy water...that's too variable. How do you know exactly what deity has power over them? What if the deity you choose created the zombies, and thus you just gave them more power? Maybe you got the right diety, but holy water simply doesn't work.

I do not have a better solution, however. You can attempt to track down the source, but sometimes that can be tricky.

For example, portals to apparently supernatural realms have been opened via technology several times before. So if you learn the zombies are the result of a top secret project, that might not help you much.

OTOH, if you learn the zombie infestation started when they unsealed the tomb of some famous necromancer, you're a firmer ground.

And then there are the crazy theories, like zombies that are actually humans controlled by aliens.

-David T. C.
Yes, my email address is real.
[ Parent ]

Real life zombies (3.00 / 3) (#112)
by kitta on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 11:12:06 AM EST

From Dr Karl's great moments in science "Zombies"...

"In real life, the zombies come from the Caribbean island of Haiti. They are a person who has been almost-killed, and then later raised from the almost-dead by a voodoo priest, to be used as slave labour for the rest of their miserable life. Zombies can move, eat, hear and speak, but they have no memory and no insight into their condition. There have been legends about zombies for centuries, but it was only in 1980 that a real-life case was documented. The story begins in 1962, in Haiti. A man called Clairvius Narcisse was sold to a zombie master by his brothers, because Clairvius refused to sell his share of the family land. Soon after Clairvius "officially" died, and was buried. However, he had been later secretly unburied, and was actually working as a zombie slave on a sugar plantation with many other zombies. In 1964, his zombie master died, and he wandered across the island in a psychotic daze for the next 16 years. The drugs that made him psychotic were gradually wearing off. In 1980, he accidentally stumbled across his long-lost sister in a market place, and recognized her. She didn't recognise him, but he identified himself to her by telling her early childhood experiences that only he could possibly know."

First, clearly understand your goals. (3.00 / 7) (#113)
by ghjm on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 11:17:44 AM EST

In the story and every subsequent article, the assumption has been made that you do not want to be a zombie and must avoid it at all costs. But why?

Life as a zombie offers several advantages to your prior existence:

  1. Sentience has a price. Zombies are free of considerations such as fear of death, need to know "what's out there," etc.
  2. Zombies are not expected to form a plan or decide what to do with their life. As a zombie, achievement of your goals is virtually assured.
  3. Zombies cannot be embarrassed, jilted, feel pressure to conform, or suffer from poor self-esteem. As a zombie, you will not be in any way ashamed or guilty about doing whatever you want, whenever you want. Of course, what you want will be to shamble after people and eat their brains.
  4. If you choose to become a zombie, you can avoid all the hard work described in the article. In trying to remain unturned, apparently you will need to build a fortress, raise a crop of vegetables, repeatedly load and fire your shotgun, etc., etc. It seems extremely unlikely that you can do all of this without great physical exertion, not to mention a few blisters.
  5. Zombies don't get blisters.
In short, perhaps you may decide that the life of a zombie-fighter is for you; but for most people, it simply isn't the right choice. This is probably why, in any given zombie population, so few people choose to become anti-zombie insurgents.

-Graham

Obvious pro-zombie propaganda (3.00 / 2) (#117)
by Sgt York on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 02:20:26 PM EST

Trying to recruit more fodder for your Master's undead war machine, I see.

When the time comes, you'd be wise to tell your Dark Lord to keep his zombie hoards away from my S-Mart bastion against the undead. That is, if you can manage anything other than a low moan. His army of carrion will not stand, and your sweet words will be lost to you once your brain has been assimilated by those demonic revenant powers.

This is my BOOM STICK!

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (3.00 / 2) (#122)
by bcRIPster on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 04:43:47 PM EST

So how is it that nobody has mentioned this reference? http://www.fvza.org/ is the government agency established to help protect us from Zombies and Vampires, and contains lots of important info for those of you who want to protect themselves from these threats.

Yes yes (none / 0) (#124)
by rodentboy on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 04:51:37 PM EST

But what we really need is an article on how to unleash a Zombie apocalypse don't you think?



Camo (none / 0) (#128)
by Grayworld on Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:38:15 PM EST

what about the freakin camo? How can you survive a Zombie attack without the proper camo? What kind of camo works with Zombies? I don't think the WalMart that we have to take would be carrying it.


Fair but a bit unbalanced to be sure!

Zombie Squad (none / 1) (#140)
by zombiekiller on Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 11:14:32 PM EST

If you can survive zombies, you can survive anything. Great post. You might want to check out http://www.zombiehunters.org The forums contain a lot of survival information, especially surviving a zombie apocalypse.

Girls (none / 0) (#142)
by ffrinch on Fri Apr 22, 2005 at 03:47:54 AM EST

Fear not! Even if you're stuck in your Wal-Mart without female companionship, you can always hook up with a less-decayed zombie in the end...

-◊-
"I learned the hard way that rock music ... is a powerful demonic force controlled by Satan." — Jack Chick
Zombies are not edible, and armor-- (none / 1) (#143)
by tekniklr on Fri Apr 22, 2005 at 10:29:44 AM EST

"I don't know if zombies are edible, but that's a possibility if things get rough. It's not really cannibalism, is it?"

If you'd have read the Zombie Survival Guide, you'd know that eating zombies is a really, really, bad idea. They are quite toxic, and eating even just a little bit of one will result in sickness and death (the permanent kind, no zombification).

Also, armor may sound good in theory, but it will slow you down a bunch, which may make the difference between being chased by a dozen zombies and being completely surrounded by several hundred. I'm sure that given enough zombies, they can tear through pretty much any armor that you can come up with - they're incredibly determined.



Hmmm. (none / 0) (#146)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Apr 23, 2005 at 01:37:15 AM EST

Since the DOTD remake came out last year, I've participated in dozens of "What if zombies were real" discussion on IMDB.

IMHO the biggest determining factor will be if you are dealing with lumbering shambling Romero zombies or Olympic Gymnast Zack Snyder zombies.

With Romero Zombies, you could blockade a trailer park by moving all of the dead vehicles and piling them up. Snyder zombies won't be stopped at all by a few rusting VW vans and saw horses.

With Romero Zombies, you could make your house or apartment a fortress with some nails and $50 worth of lumber. Snyder Zombies would karate chop your 2x4s into splinters overnight.

For Romero Zombies, a hunting rifle is a good choice for dispatching them. For Snyder zombies you want a shotgun. The blast pattern will give you a better chance of a head shot at close range. Since those bastards are so fast, you can't count on taking them out from long range.

Remember, it's very important to know the Genus and Species of the zombies infesting your reality.

LK

Wait a moment! Which is it? (none / 0) (#154)
by APL on Mon Apr 25, 2005 at 07:52:17 PM EST

Do I run away from heavily populated areas? Or do I run towards the box stores?

Seems to me that when the zombie invasion hits, Wal*Mart is the last place I want to be. It's a giant building that's generally packed with human cattle with a limited number of easily accessible exits.
If you don't get eaten by the zombies, you'll get tagged by the over enthusiastic human in the hunting&fishing department.

You've got to plan ahead. As much as you might be tempted to make a bee-line to the nearest source of supplies (and loot) the instant the zombie disaster starts, remember that everyone else will be thinking the same thing and large, disorganized crowds are your worst enemy.

The real goal here should be advance warning. If you could get your gang to Wal*Mart before the general population realized that there was a serious problem you might do OK. By the time the panic and zombies became a problem you could have already claimed the Wal*Mart as your own personal fortress. Only a small number of people will survive the zombiepocalypse, and the sooner you know there's a problem, the better your chances of being one of them.

As an aside, are you sure your local Wal*Mart is secure from above? You mentioned skylights. In any case you seem to be planing to use your Wal*Mart's roof as a staging area for your phase 2 civilization. Check how much weight it can hold. It'd be tragic if the last hold-out of mankind was lost because they tried to put a farm on their roof.

too tech (none / 1) (#155)
by erki on Mon Apr 25, 2005 at 09:46:27 PM EST

Seems folks here are entirely too technology-oriented.

IMHO the best thing to do in case of such a disaster is to go to a farm. Many farms are self-supporting in terms of food and several have diesel generators. Also farms often use their own wells for water, so your water supply is pretty much inexhaustible. No need to drink your own recycled waste products, instead you utilize them in the best way: use them to fertilize your fields.

The important thing to do is to pick a good place. A small island is the best choice. There are not many people there (a hundred or so, for example), so that if any of the locals have turned into zombies, their numbers are manageable. And islands tend to be hard to infiltrate for zombies. Seriously, how would a zombie walk kilometres underwater over the sea bottom? The currents will sweep them off in an instant. So it's probable that the island community would be pretty much intact, which is a very useful bonus, as living in a single farm is much harder than living in a rural community. Barter in such places is pretty common, so for example you can get your milk from another farm in exchange for some goods or services. Plus, having a society around helps against going bonkers.

It is also quite important to be living in a temperate zone, where winters are winters, with temperatures at least below 0 C. In winter the zombies are pretty much incapacitated (read: frozen) and as somebody pointed out earlier, you only need a blunt instrument to deliver a killing blow under such circumstances. So winters are a perfect time to stock up on all kinds of supplies, like long-lasting foodstuff (cans, noodles, rice, spices etc), petroleum for lamps (or some other non-electric light of your choosing), medicine and especially fuel for farming machinery, cars and your trusty generator.

Best would be to pick an island a small distance off the shore (like 2..3 kilometres) and a small distance away from a big town. That way, in winter you can drive over the ice to the city. You don't even need a car, a horse-driven wagon will do just fine for smaller bulks, or even a bicycle for emergency visits like getting penicillin.

Hmm. Actually, I have several such islands within 20 kilometres from my city, plus I live in a temperate zone, plus in a country with a strong rural background. I, at least, am quite safe from our new zombie overlords.

About island refuge (none / 0) (#158)
by rusty on Tue Apr 26, 2005 at 12:49:10 PM EST

If you do plan to seek refuge on an island, you better be sure you bring either some very useful skill or some necessary goods with you. Speaking as someone who will already be on one of those islands when you attempt to arrive, I can say for certain that you will not be welcomed unless you can provide a solid reason why you will be an asset to the community. I mean, if we just let everyone in, the island would rapidly become overpopulated.

If you think of it quickly enough, you could also gather a group of friends and immediately settle a nearby unpopulated island, on which you will then be able to exercise absolute authority. You should still act deferentially toward longtime residents of the nearby islands though, because they will consider your island to be rightfully theirs, and will overcome any differences they might have with each other in order to kick your asses if you push it too far.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

It's all about planning ahead (none / 0) (#160)
by erki on Tue Apr 26, 2005 at 06:34:51 PM EST

All true.

Of course, the obvious thing to do is to have a farm way before the zombie outbreak, or if not a full-blown farm, then a country house with some greenhouses for cucumbers and tomatoes (ahhh, nothing beats fresh vegetables for lunch you yourself have picked), a small garden for growing peas, carrots, cabbages, onions and such, and with plenty of apple, peach and cherry trees. The trees require little effort to maintain and yield an astonishing amount of tasty vitamin-packed fruits every year. Indeed, the main yearly concern house owners have is gathering all those apples.

Houses like that, when they don't grow their own potatoes, usually buy centners of potatoes each fall from their neighbours that last the whole family easily till spring. Such a place does not require constant maintenance during peaceful time, and in a crisis, you can convert to adequate farming capacity with manageable effort. Of course, one should always maintain a considerable stock of sugar, salt and other necessary ingredients for pickling and other ways of conserving the farm products.

And as added bonus, while waiting for the zombie onslaught, you have a nice place for vacations and weekends, enjoying home-brewn beer in the hot sauna.

[ Parent ]

Good ideas, but ... (none / 0) (#161)
by APL on Tue Apr 26, 2005 at 08:05:04 PM EST

Do not expect the island to be free of zombies.

Typicaly the zombie menace is spread to such isolated areas by selfish rich folk fleeing to those same isolated areas (breaking any quarantines if necessary.) The zombies come over either in the wheel-wells or luggage compartments of the rich folk's jet, or an infected family member is intentionaly brought over because "He's not infected, he just has a cold".

[ Parent ]
Good stuff. (none / 0) (#157)
by damnuzombies on Tue Apr 26, 2005 at 11:18:23 AM EST

Are you looking for a job? Zombie Squad

hmm (none / 0) (#162)
by ShiftyStoner on Thu Apr 28, 2005 at 02:13:51 PM EST

I know were there is a pawn shop right by a walmart.

the walmart is going to be heavily infested with the zombies.

a pawn shop might have a couple, but not a couple hundred like walmart.

a pawn shop is a perfect start. plnunty of guns and amo. pawnshops are allready sufficiantley fortified, youd have to hope.

So, id take over the pawn shop, id just mow down any zombies on the way.

anyone who has a brain would eventualy come to the pawn shop, after which, we could worry about taking over the walmart. or find it on their way to walmart, or running from it.

bricking up a walmart would be tuff work. Im to lazy for all that. the fun way, is simply take about 50 of those cars in the packed parking lot and baracade the walmart with cars. zombies cant drive, and certainly cant hotwire a car. they could probly move the cars, but you just have to crash them into eachother and the walmart. plus save bullets mowing those fuckers down.

with shotguns 45.s and 44 mags a dozen people could hold off several hundred zombies. youd have your pawn shop fort to run to if shit got crazy, and a dozen people to bail on if shit got really bad.

after packing a truck with amo and guns, the only reason i would stick around to take over the walmart would be cause it sounds fun as hell taking out zombies all day. plus, id want to find some pussy that's not all decayed.

at some point i would know, the mountains is were i would have to end up. or as a zombie.

the mountains arnt going to be zombie infested, and living off the land their is simple. water and food alike.

I think id have to keep a colection of living zombie heads.

zombies are certainly not etable, even zombies wont touch them. either that, or all zombies movies have lame plots and dont make since.

but lets face it. we arent talking about zombies here, were talking about surviving threw anarchy were either US soldiers(terrorists) or chinks, or ragheads, or all three are going to be out their trying to kill you, not zombies. in wich case, i would do the same thing. only, id have to make freinds with the pawn shop owners before i killed and robed them. and would have people shooting at me and trying to rape me rather than thousands trying to chew on me.
( @ )'( @ ) The broad masses of a population are more amenable to the appeal of rhetoric than to any other force. - Adolf Hitler

But, what if I fail at survival... (none / 0) (#163)
by Kaki Nix Sain on Sat Apr 30, 2005 at 01:54:27 AM EST

... or have some back luck or otherwise find myself a zombie? What then? Any advice on making being a successful zombie?

I suspect it comes down to networking skills. After all, a lone zombie is an easy target, and the zombies in the front of crowds are the first to go. Better to be further back during an attack and get there as the person is reloading.

Also, since, as a zombie, it is important to keep your head intact, it might be a good idea to hold one's hands and arms up in front of yourself for some protection.



Rule number 1 on being a sucessful zombie: (none / 0) (#164)
by clambake on Sat Apr 30, 2005 at 08:51:16 AM EST

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains

[ Parent ]
You forgot the single most important rule! (none / 0) (#165)
by clambake on Sat Apr 30, 2005 at 08:55:39 AM EST

This one applies not ONLY to zombies, but also to  all sorts of undead infestations, alien invastions, roving bands of telemarketers, whatever:

Don't go back for your mother... and should you, for some unreasonable sequence of events, find yourself looking over your mother's peacefully sleeping but slightly bluish body, remember... she's already a zombie.  You can't reason with her.  This also applies when your girlfriend has a suspiscious mark on her arm which you think looks like a bite mark but she insists is "just a scratch".

I love my fiance (none / 0) (#167)
by Zoshnell on Sun May 01, 2005 at 07:43:48 PM EST

We have already agreed to not be stupid about things, if either one does not respond to stop or I will shoot in a normal manner then we kill the other. *sniff* It's a beautiful relationship!
---------------------------------------------------- "I think there I am, I think." - Nordom The Modron
[ Parent ]
Killing zombies - get started (none / 0) (#170)
by mmuskratt on Thu May 05, 2005 at 05:17:49 PM EST

Holing up for weeks is pointless...better to take out as many zombies as you can with your own army than to allow them to propagate while you eat Vienna sausages. Get tactical teams together fast, establish protocols for fallen comrades and start whacking heads off...contain the problem, not yourself!

[ Parent ]
I guess..... (none / 0) (#198)
by princecyrus06 on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 12:50:22 PM EST

your right about holing up for weeks. It would be pretty lame to stay barricaded in some place with no way to communicate with the outside world, particualarly survivors. But it wouldn't be very smart to just go out and kill all the zombies you can. Forts are a good way to stay in one place and 'take out' zombies at the same time, especially if you're sniping out zombies from a rooftop. Not only is it safe, but it also looks cool. Just make sure you only use the rifle rounds while you're on the rooftop, and use pistols and shotguns and blades in close-range combat. Don't try to use a sniper rifle or any other rifle at a close distance, that'll get you killed...or worse.
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
Zombie Memories Risk (none / 0) (#171)
by nlindstrom on Mon May 16, 2005 at 11:42:32 AM EST

"You also might want to mention to your friends and family in passing how well your hiding place could be defended, etc. That way, when the zombies come, they'll remember you said that and come help you."
I'm not so sure about that. What if your friends and family become zombies? Then they would know where to attack, and the possible weaknesses of your fortifications. You're probably better off not telling anyone.

Clues! (none / 0) (#185)
by wnight on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 03:54:03 AM EST

Tell them where your fortification is - close enough that if they grab a gasoline tanker and drive to meet you that it's not wasted.

When they arrive they climb a ladder to a defensible position (crow's nest sort of thing) and ring a bell. When you see someone ring the bell you look at them with binocs - if they're safe, you go get them. If not you snipe them, or the zombies following them. If they are safe, you use a movie-plot device to get them to safety - a jury-rigged cable car, or something the zombies couldn't use to reach you.

For instance - take over two office towers. Totally lock off access to one - bar all doors, fill stairwells with heavy office furniture, etc. Make lots of noise here, to attract crowds of zombies which can be killed with traps and explosives. Enter and exit through the other building a block away, where the zombies don't sense people. Ideally, try to get the cable-car to let you off in an otherwise sealed room with a car and a remote-operated garage door opener, so you get buckled in first then open to door and take off. Dunno how to make this - maybe a counterweight system timed by refilling water...


[ Parent ]

Armor (none / 0) (#172)
by nlindstrom on Mon May 16, 2005 at 11:46:40 AM EST

"Thick leather will work in the short term. Later on, get some aluminum siding or something else metallic and affix it to your clothes. Even zombies can't bite through that stuff."
Bah! All you need is an arm that ends in a chainsaw, a double-barrel shotgun, and an extraordinarly high opinion of yourself. Oh, and a predilection to bad Elvin quotes. Why, you'll be nigh immortal!

WTF? (none / 0) (#204)
by Thobez on Thu May 11, 2006 at 06:54:42 PM EST

This isn't army of darkness, its Z-day. A chainsaw runs on gas (some on elecrticity and a shotgun takes ammo. Also a high opinion of yourself? Do you go out anymore? or did you ever? On Z-day i hope you have either A) realized this is a bad idea. B) Died so there arent more. or C) Been devoured and ripped apart.

[ Parent ]
Zombie Invasion (none / 0) (#173)
by dotdat on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 10:42:44 PM EST

Instead of public places that are more than likely infested with paniced people or walking dead why not pick a place that is mostly abandoned durring the week. I am talking about CHURCH you godless hethens. Unless its a Sunday or Wendsday or Revival Night then you could hold up in a church. Its not much in the way hording things, but if its an old fashoned church made with real bricks and lumber it could stand up well agianst the zombie hoards. Or if seeking shelter in a place of religion offends you then I might suggest a small curbside gas station or convenunce store. They are stalked with Junk Food however that will do you more harm then good in the long run, but they have Gas Pumps. You will need gas for generators, and vehicles. So My Plan is. . . . 1)Insulate myself with my Saturday Larp Armor, and make my way to my moms car. 2)Save people of importance (Grandma can cook, Mom is a Doctors Assitant, My Friend Chase can make crossbows out of ruberbands, paperclips, and #2 Pencils.) Also make a note of ANY gun owning relatives, and save them no matter how much they don't like your music. 3)Hit all the Gas Stations, get Gas, All the bottled water and bread you can. Batteries, Flashlights, Pharmasuticals and pain-killers , ect. Then get Lime Coke and Gummyworms if their is room. 4)Hit the Pawnshop, tank up on guns. If you know what your doing then fine, if not, have GUN OWNING RELATIVE give you a hand. My suggestion is to get normal hunting rifles. Reason being is that Ammo can be bought (lol, I mean louded) from any Mall, Wall'Mart, or Sporting Goods store. Fancy weapons and custom weapons that require a special permits might require ammo thats hard to come by in this crises (So even if they do have a LAW, or Sniper Rifle in their basement LEAVE IT ALONE. Chances are you would sooner hurt yourself with exploseivs then you would a Zombie). Also I support the conservation of ammo. Learn to fire a hunting bow, crossbow, or use a Broadsword to save Ammo. 5) Now you need a few hours to get your barrings. Head to your "Hidding Place" if you have one. Use common sence. Wal'Mart is probobly full any day of the week. So I would suggest going to the Church if its not a Weekend Z-Day, and if it is Saturday or Sunday then I would go to the Local High-School. I think the Church would be easier to fortify but a Highschool has its own rescources. Multiple Levels, easily accessable roof. Exits that can be easily monitord and inforced. Narrow Hallways that can be baracated VERY easily. Large Gym and Caffeteria for storage and recreation. Even a possible internet connection, and a P.A system that can be used to address the masses of people inside. It would be alot of work to board the windows, but I would hope for the school. 6)Create a cool looking flag or coat of arms, and then raise it atop the Flag Pole. Let people know that you are their for them. However I would not just let people in without screaning them. If they look like they might be infected keep em out. If they look sane and will pop off some shots at zombies take em in. If they are gitery, and looks like the cheeze has slid off their cracker, then they are more likely to rape somebody or take shots at you. So keep em out. In other words, be carfel who you let in, make sure their is enough food for them, and be sure to establish dominence early. We can't have people screwing and fighting all the time. So I recamend subjecting people to cold showers and regularly scheduled beatings. I also recamend making sure that you have a make-shift detention area and a series of crack pot laws setup in advance.

sorry bout that (none / 0) (#174)
by dotdat on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 10:45:13 PM EST

sorry bout the crappy way it posted. I formatted it alot better than this.

[ Parent ]
Now it Looks alot better (none / 0) (#175)
by dotdat on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 10:46:16 PM EST

Instead of public places that are more than likely infested with paniced people or walking dead why not pick a place that is mostly abandoned durring the week. I am talking about CHURCH you godless hethens. Unless its a Sunday or Wendsday or Revival Night then you could hold up in a church. Its not much in the way hording things, but if its an old fashoned church made with real bricks and lumber it could stand up well agianst the zombie hoards.

Or if seeking shelter in a place of religion offends you then I might suggest a small curbside gas station or convenunce store. They are stalked with Junk Food however that will do you more harm then good in the long run, but they have Gas Pumps. You will need gas for generators, and vehicles.

So My Plan is. . . .

  1. Insulate myself with my Saturday Larp Armor, and make my way to my moms car.
  2. Save people of importance (Grandma can cook, Mom is a Doctors Assitant, My Friend Chase can make crossbows out of ruberbands, paperclips, and #2 Pencils.) Also make a note of ANY gun owning relatives, and save them no matter how much they don't like your music.
  3. Hit all the Gas Stations, get Gas, All the bottled water and bread you can. Batteries, Flashlights, Pharmasuticals and pain-killers , ect. Then get Lime Coke and Gummyworms if their is room.
  4. Hit the Pawnshop, tank up on guns. If you know what your doing then fine, if not, have GUN OWNING RELATIVE give you a hand. My suggestion is to get normal hunting rifles. Reason being is that Ammo can be bought (lol, I mean louded) from any Mall, Wall'Mart, or Sporting Goods store. Fancy weapons and custom weapons that require a special permits might require ammo thats hard to come by in this crises (So even if they do have a LAW, or Sniper Rifle in their basement LEAVE IT ALONE. Chances are you would sooner hurt yourself with exploseivs then you would a Zombie). Also I support the conservation of ammo. Learn to fire a hunting bow, crossbow, or use a Broadsword to save Ammo.
  5. Now you need a few hours to get your barrings. Head to your "Hidding Place" if you have one. Use common sence. Wal'Mart is probobly full any day of the week. So I would suggest going to the Church if its not a Weekend Z-Day, and if it is Saturday or Sunday then I would go to the Local High-School. I think the Church would be easier to fortify but a Highschool has its own rescources. Multiple Levels, easily accessable roof. Exits that can be easily monitord and inforced. Narrow Hallways that can be baracated VERY easily. Large Gym and Caffeteria for storage and recreation. Even a possible internet connection, and a P.A system that can be used to address the masses of people inside. It would be alot of work to board the windows, but I would hope for the school.
  6. Create a cool looking flag or coat of arms, and then raise it atop the Flag Pole. Let people know that you are their for them. However I would not just let people in without screaning them. If they look like they might be infected keep em out. If they look sane and will pop off some shots at zombies take em in. If they are gitery, and looks like the cheeze has slid off their cracker, then they are more likely to rape somebody or take shots at you. So keep em out. In other words, be carfel who you let in, make sure their is enough food for them, and be sure to establish dominence early. We can't have people screwing and fighting all the time. So I recamend subjecting people to cold showers and regularly scheduled beatings. I also recamend making sure that you have a make-shift detention area and a series of crack pot laws setup in advance.


[ Parent ]
Ok Let's Get Real. (none / 0) (#176)
by Matty on Sat Oct 01, 2005 at 05:51:26 AM EST

If there WAS a bloody zombie epidemic, I dont know that any of us would survive. let's face it, the only survivors are going to be the fittest strongest of us with a good common sense and a good knowledge of nature and science...Your average computer geek is not going to survive long. there are also too many possibilitys to really be able to come up with a one size fits all zombie attack solution. there are the fast zombies, the slow zombies, the intelligent zombies, the zombies that will rot in a couple of weeks and so on. a few totally stupid ideas i've seen floating around this page are: well for one it would be impossible for a zombie to walk underneath water unless they were intelligent enough to be able to swim or attach weights to themselves. im sure all of you have at least once submerged yourselves into water deeper than your head, you will quickly realise that it is nigh impossible to stay on the bottom let alone walk in a straight line. though i do suppose that the zombies won't have any air in their lungs and will stay on the bottom but even then it would be impossible for them to walk from point a to point b very quickly. Also instead of arguing constantly about wich would be better a car or a bike please keep in mind that most would find it relatively easy to put a bike in the back of your car and thus eliminate both problems! Also i would like to ask all you zombie experts out there wether or not they require oxygen, sunlight, or any source of sustinance what so ever as i dont know how a brain and body would continue on working without a "fuel source" and if you say the fuel source is brains then please keep in mind that with millions of zombie and only a few human cattle only the first 15 or so zombie to be lucky enough to get ontop of the victim would get a feed! Also I agree that even though rural areas are much less densely populated that it would still be absolutly essential to set up a fortress as unless the zombies rot away into nothing in a couple of months you will eventually be found out. Let's get real people, IF there was a zombie outbreak we are most undeniably fucked and thats the end of the matter. the only thing one might do is to make sure they have a gun ready at all times and not as you might think im suggesting use it on zombies but instead use it on yourself to save yourself the pain of being bitten to death as this could quite possibly be the most painful and slowest death of all!
I know it's not gonna happen but...what if!
On the subject of Bladed weapons. (none / 0) (#177)
by GameWhino on Sun Oct 16, 2005 at 01:00:54 AM EST

Possibly the best bladed weapon for dispatching a small group of zombies is the Katana. The blade is arc'd and so provides more cutting power (when used properly, I highly reccommend everyone learn to properly use a katana or other bladed weapon). However, 90% of the katanas on the market are made from inferior metals (in many cases only one type of metal is used, as in machine pressed katanas) and/or are NOT full tang. A sword that is not full tang will quickly break in the heat of combat. As such, it is advisable to order or in some other way take possession of a full tang sword for these reasons.
  • A sword is reusable.
  • For smaller groups of zombies, it would be wastefull to simply shoot them (bullets may be in short supply by the end of Z-pocalypse)
  • in close combat, a katana can be drawn into a strike (IE, pulled from it's scabbard and immediatly used)
  • Guns are loud, and may attract other zombies
  • Swords are versatile, and may have other non-combat uses.
  • swords can be used to parry "Fast" zombies, thereby placing them into a position where they can be killed.
  • Maintenance of a sword is simple, once you have the routine down.
  • Swords can be made more easily than guns, once your group is in a quasi safe local. hunting parties can then be dispatched to KEEP your new settlement safe.

From a ranged weapons perspective, the compound bow is probably your best bet, unless pressed. again, this is a matter of personal stlye.

Couple mistakes (none / 0) (#182)
by shadow sniper on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 12:01:39 PM EST

First off, eating a zombie is not a good idea.
A zombies corpse in infected with Solanum, the very virus that makes a zombie what it is. Solanum remains in the corpse up to 48 hours after the zombie is destroyed. Naturally, eating a virus would be a bad idea, don't you think?
Although you can't become infected with the same effects, you can die. This is because the zombie has eaten many things, and who knows what those poor humans or animals had? With the added effects of solanum, eating a zombie is just down right stupid.
Also, you needn't have to worry about power going out any time soon.
ask yourself this: Why would a zombie attack a power plant? For the humans, yes, but would it actaully attack the actual power plant? No!
The zombie is not aware of it's surroundings. It only sees/ hears/ smells flesh. That is all.
And one more thing, A zombie does not go back to places it used to go to, number 1 reason being that IT IS NOT THE SAME PERSON. It is a completely different mind... Solanum has killed the real thing, and now solanum controls the zombie. Not the person.
Thankyou,
Shadow Sniper
Those who speak do not know. Those who know do not speak.
survival (none / 0) (#183)
by slayer200325 on Fri Nov 04, 2005 at 01:17:23 AM EST

First off listen up people! This is rediculas, we are worried about surviving here. oh i say lets get chicks and screw them, no lets get swords and cut them into pieces no we need to not trust anyone. listen ok, your gonna need all the help you can get buddy, sure you will need food and supplies, but why the hell do you wanna fuck, your worried about surviving here, and 1st off dont barracade yourself into anyplace really, cause if those things come crashing in how the fuck you gonna get out, you cant kill em all, they can swarm into millions and you got a sword and they come from all over and while your fucking cutting the ones in your front sides head off what about the back and the sides, what if they grab your hand and knock the sword out, my best advice for everyone here is to just plane ya know hit and run just shoot em and run better yet keep running take a helicopter if ya have to, travel they cant fly like birds. and if your on ground then they can get ya, they are us they arent monsters hello, just us but dead that is all and how the fuck can you kill something thats already dead everyone answer that? and just because people look different doesnt mean you shouldnt help them reguardless if ya turn to a zombie or not my best thing is why the hell dont they just cut off the hand if they are bit in the hand, maybe that would stop the infection. like surgery, why dont they take off the arm? listen people you all always think of barracading yourselfs into buildings, but how long with that building hold? you gotta come out sometime, and they will be out there, they wont go away, you never know just because the doors and windows are barracaded, doesnt mean your 100% safe, well what if there is a underground to that place? what if they come from the floors? how ya gonna secure that? well let me tell you something. they will be everywhere. my best advice to you is keep on the move dont sit at one place because they will eventually get to you sometime. why the fuck go to a church, it isnt like demon knight now, you go to a church they cant come in because its house of god, please get real, they aint good or evil, they are dead they dont know what good or evil is, all they are after is food, they aint after the places, they aint after to kill you just because they get kicks they are hungry, thats all they are. but listen just take my advice and please keep on the move, dont stand in one place and help others because if your swarmed and youll be thinking man i wish i had helped that person maybe i would be surviving more. FYI if you got bit youd lie about it too so whats the damn difference common sense people, use your head, not your dick or mouth, help others and communicate because you will need to help others and communicate just to survive on Z-day. just because they look a certain way or talk a certain way doesnt mean you shouldnt help them or give them a weapon we are all the same on the inside remember that and no matter what, we are all human but think of this! ok, how many horror movies do you think has people saying fuck you mother fucker only cool people aloud in this place, we aint sharing lets feed ya to the zombies, none, they are all teams. so you keep this in mind, you work as a team your liable to get things done alot faster than solo, its not about the looks its about the descent team work you do. so what if tey got a mark on them, doesnt mean you need to kill them. might not be a zombie bite, could be an animal bite, and why kill yourself if bitten by a zombie, you might still turn no matter what. just remember, always be kind and lend a hand to anyone. because if you save them chances are they might save you when your in need of assistance, and please do keep updated by a tv or radio because then youll know whats going on but do not board yourself in a tight whole you cant get out of. take this advice please. im already prepared and got it all planned out. take a car if ya have to but dont be dumb keep your eyes on the road but if you gonna steal a car please check the inside of it before ya get in because if you drive down the road and a zombie pops out of a back seat then your fucked im tellin ya motorcycle or bicycle is the worst thing you want because they can knock you off any time or grab you and get you, and in a car your better because it goes faster and your inside not outside. if ya run out of gas then run on foot. find another car. thats all ya gotta do and please help your family and friends and tell them where your going because if they see youve been gone too long or you get separated then they will know where you are. there is zombies because theres been 2 reports over seas from america already. 2 people arrised from their graves over 2 years. a man and his girlfriend. they died and came back. but they didnt eat anybody. this is dumb im waisting my time if any of you have yahoo feel free to IM me on hot_guy525252 or msn slayer200325@hotmail.com or AIM slayer200426. then ill be glad to answer your question. this is slayer reporting. november 3rd, 2005. over and out.(by the way, I am a cop)

you didn't (none / 0) (#186)
by SETH115 on Sun Nov 27, 2005 at 03:36:43 PM EST

hey you can't say this guy is wrong atleast he had the idea to putthis guide out but what did you do when there was none so he was willing to help people while your just willing to poke holes at what he said

Weapons and zombie attacks (none / 0) (#187)
by sonyalennium on Thu Jan 19, 2006 at 11:20:34 PM EST

I think we need to agree that depending on where you live, you may need to modify your survival plan to avoid being consumed by the undead hordes. I live in Canada, where they do not sell any kind of weapons at WalMart - shocking but true, and a real problem in planning my hideout. Where can I go that has supplies, few exits, and weapons? Quite frankly, I am not sure how many of us are in good enough shape to be manually whacking zombies on the heads with bats for any kind of sustained period. Does anyone know if there is such a thing as a battery operated nail gun or similar item that could be easily carried while running from the undead? Do tasers work on zombies? It would be okay if you made it to a safe rooftop somewhere - with any luck you could drop heavy items on the zombies from above to thin out their numbers, but making it to the rooftop would be a real challenge. I also need to know more about zombie physiology before I can make a sane choice on the best place to hide. At first I thought the Arctic would be an ideal safe zone to retreat to, after all, any stray zombies will have a long freezing walk ahead of them to reach me there. But it is really really cold, and honestly, is the quality of life that much better than being trapped in a fortified WalMart? My second thought was maybe extreme heat was the answer, and I should head for a desert climate. After all, if a zombie walks into the desert won't it dehydrated, and eventualy become kind of beefjerky-like and unable to move? Another concern - we all assume we will be near out planned hiding places when the dead begin lurching down the street. What if I am at the office? There is no way I would make it back to my WalMart/Rona complex of choice - chances are the roads would quickly become blocked and I would have to travel on foot anywhere I wanted to go, which would not get me far. Obviously I can take some basic steps, like storing cases of protien bars in my filing cabinet and deciding which co-workers should be sent out on 'scouting' missions, never to be seen again (ah ha ha ha) but it is far from an ideal enviroment. Would it be better to throw myself to the zombies, or spend the last days of my life trapped at the office? To those planning on hiding out at a church - have you considered that there will likely be some sort of religious leaders in the building when you arrive? You will have to watch them constantly or they will throw open the barricaded doors at the worst possible moment in a futile attempt to save some poor bite mark covered victim who is going to die anyway. That is the trouble when you have the group dynamic to consider - there is always and idiot who is likely to get the rest of you killed. Under those circumstances, is it ethically sound to kill the idiot/loose cannon/selfish person before they actually have a chance to screw over the rest of the group? NOTE: should the zombies be fooled by simple mimicry, lurching, and gutteral groans I am sure most of the population will survive - many people will not even have to change their normal behaviour all that much.

About holy water and swords. (none / 0) (#188)
by Riktus on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 01:07:12 PM EST

Sweet Deep Fried Jesus, what are you people, morons? I'm not posting this towards people with good suggestions, like the concrete fortifications and the crop growing, but to the holy people and sword enthusiasts. First off. Zombies are not possessed, so holy water is freakin' useless. The only thing that it'll do to a zombie will clean him off!! Last time I checked, holy water isn't ACID. And guns are SO much better at killing zombies than swords! Sure, they don't use ammo, but have you guys forgotten that they travel in groups 9 times out of 10? If you dive in there with some mystical samurai bullshit you'll get your face eaten... Where's your katana now? Huh? You have a shotgun, you fire at close range, and I'm sure even buckshot will fly through brittle, malnourished skulls. You could take out dozens of zombies with 8 shotgun shells. Let's not forget that using a machete the wrong way WILL BREAK YOUR WRIST. The small but effective .22 caliber bullet will actually bounce around inside the skull, liquifying the brain because it doesn't have enough energy to break back out of the skull. And even a pistol, if used accurately and you're not some juvenile wimp, will kill zombies right quick. Ugh, I still can't get over this. Swords! SWORDS!!! Good God! I'm guessing that the priest fellow and the sword enthusiast will be dead or zombified within a day. While the gun man, who stocked up on precious ammo, will live for weeks, months even, if he conserves and doesn't rush into a zombie horde. Partly because it only takes one bullet and little effort to kill a zombie, and two, because you don't have to get up close to them. And yeah, guns are harder to shoot than they look. So don't give me that. One more thing, the zombie infestation that would be most likely to ever happen, even if it never will, would be a "Night of the Living Dead" scenario, slow moving, dull-witted, strong zombies. Not some 'possessed by a demon' bullshit.

Swords or Guns....that is the question.... (none / 0) (#203)
by princecyrus06 on Tue May 09, 2006 at 12:43:54 PM EST

Actually, they both will come in handy. You shouldn't use a gun at close range, or at least I wouldn't recommend it. In this situation, a sword will come in handy. What's gonna happen if you run out of ammo and you have to reload while you're surrounded by zombies??? You'll be eaten! I agree that holy water won't work, and the people who say that are idiots... but we should use the right weapon for the right situation. If you're on a roof or something, a sword would be useless... and thats where a rifle would come in handy. Oh, I also agree on the fact that zombies will walk slowly and they won't be demonic and crap.
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
Polearms (none / 0) (#189)
by The Long Ranger on Thu Mar 02, 2006 at 02:05:51 PM EST

Undeniably, there will never be enough ammo or guns to combat the living dead. When the inevitable happens and ammunition is gone and can no longer be found, turn to the basic weapon that has been used by humankind for millenia and has always worked. Spears, halberds, ans pikes can be homemade easily from wood or metal. They keep the zombies far away, are easy to use, and can be used until they break, in which case you can easily make another 20. Just find that Wal-Mart, get some people, and give em' a whole bunch of pole-arms. Works great in conjunction with a few guns or bows.
www.urbandead.com
Moving (none / 0) (#190)
by The Long Ranger on Thu Mar 02, 2006 at 07:03:44 PM EST

Also, you've got to keep moving. Fortifying is good, but if you have a MOVING fort, its all the better. I own a small dump truck, on which the cab is 4 feet off the ground and the large bed in the back is about 6 fet off the ground. Given a couple people in the back with guns (or the previously mentioned pole-arms), it would be a nigh-unstoppable death machine. Maybe even fix a few M-60's to the back. A bus would work in a similiar way. Heavy, fast (enough), and lots of space. So, find yourselves a dump truck or a bus, and you'll have your very own zombie-killing tank.
www.urbandead.com
Well....maybe... (none / 0) (#197)
by princecyrus06 on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 12:45:24 PM EST

it might work.... but I don't know... I know I wouldn't do that unless I was in a situation where I really had to. I think you should only be on the move if you were trying to find shelter (a fort). Other than that, I would stay in one place, prepared to leave if there was trouble. You should have a fort, and have trucks or buses at the doors, ready to go if your fort gets breached. Being on the move is very risky, because you really don't know how many zombies are out there, and what if you run out of gas, or the roads are blocked with no way of getting through.... Just some advice, you don't have to take it....
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
Bulls**t (none / 0) (#191)
by DeviouSkickass on Tue Mar 07, 2006 at 01:03:22 PM EST

I've done alot of research into zombies and real human corpses and they are very real. Voodoo zombies are real, i've always known that, but i never thought that the "biological" zombie was real untill i started researching. This guide is very good and details the basics very well but there is alot more to it than just this. The Max Brooks survival guide is very good although most of the "recorded outbreaks" at the end are a load of bull but some are true. Also some of the things it tells you to do is total crap, but that doesnt mean that it shouldn't be acknowledged because it could still keep you alive. No one has identified the virus as solanum as of yet, but there is testing on it in certain parts of the world and maybe because of the book, "solanum" may become a nickname for it. Alot of stuff in movies are totally unrealistic but then again they do have some good points, and one more thing DO NOT EAT ZOMBIE FLESH!!!!!! or you will die.

live on (none / 0) (#192)
by MatMurrell8989 on Mon Apr 03, 2006 at 03:56:41 PM EST

I am guessing that you guys all live in the usa or canada, which for you guys if a zombie attack does happen is going to be really bad. ( more so the usa) A, there is a lot of wanna be cowboys who are gonna be out there shoot every thng living and dead like to bits B, theres far far to many people in close places C the major point you have not big defence for close combat Castle's They where designed for being surrounded, under attack for years, have all the equpment for producing wepons have big fat ass huge tall think walls thinist of whcih are usaly 3 feet think and have been known to get up to 12 foot, and thats just the outer wall. have a moat(big dich) before the walls the only way that you can get in to the castle growns in over the wall of through the gate house which is connected by a brige this contains big oak doors the portculis ( big gate thingy)and then if you/they got through that theys what you could call a killing zome whichis high up and above them so you could quite easyly set fire to them or shoot them in there wist the still strying to get throug teh second gates/doors. If they got through all of that there would be the keep in the middle ( a huge tower thick walls bog solid doors and lost of interant door gate and place you could bord off. Plenty of room with in the grownds to grow food and usaly have a great water supplie. Also gernraly on a hill good veiw point. you could step up wind turbins and sola pannels in the grounds or teh one i plan to go to a hydro power genrator as ithas a huge river taht is borederd by a wall, As some one said only the fitist would servive isent nessary true theyw oudl have teh brawn but not the brain you need both to servive. There you be plenty of room to train with hand wepones and defece methods. also to keep stronge play lots of sports mainlt sports liek ruby as the size and stregnth of tho player is huge also its fun to play, also mosh pits as they get almost every part of you body moving and also puts you into a confusing situation. Now about how exaatily i would defend this place would be pretty simple whach out for incoming zombies if you nto surriounded already and just pick them off. if you are surriounded burn then you protected byt lots of stone and stone dont burn easy but flesh does. also any borken glass should be put in the moat as it will cut easy and if you have zombies cutting there bodys up sh*t load there gonna be less effective. The gate house ig bigenough to have a small truck or van park in with both sides closed which means that you can get vans trucks cars in and our with out haveing to leting a clear passage in to your open area. and when the van came back it you let it in close the gate just kill any zombies around it open teh other gate and let it back in to the main open area with any supplies it may have. if your first gate/door gets in to a possion of where its gonna break what you would have to do it open the second gate have about 50 of teh srongist fitist men form a hoplite ( its like a wall of sheilds with spears point out all forwards and the greeks used to just chage at each other with them in battle) and becuase of you men will be used to teh srum and pushing forward you open teh first gate they push what zombies that are there backwards till they come to the each of the gate house so there sides are proteacted so your people could mend the gate. I bet your saying why not just shoot them .. this is becuase ammo with run out and you need it most for when if the get past your gate house and in to your open area so you can use it then and for defending the keep. other bit of defece are hoem made rocket launchers, bit of metal tubing and a firework i dontthink i zbomie wold like being hit by that also it would set them and otehrs on fire. this isent all my idea as there way to much to wright but please e-mail me at MatMurrell@hotmail.com

[ Parent ]
hmmm... (none / 0) (#196)
by princecyrus06 on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 12:39:40 PM EST

lets see... So, you live somewhere in Europe??? Yeah, you may be right about the castle thing, they are made to withstand invasions and stuff. The US and Canada would be pretty populated with zombies when there is an outbreak, but we have lots of weapons and lots of strong buildings for fortresses. Now I have to ask you.... when you said your men would form a 'wall' and push the zombies back so someone could repair the first gate, do you not realize that they could get bit??? Unless they had some sort of metal sheild (like the kind that riot police use), I would advise you to keep them inside the gate and use your ammo (unless there is only a few zombies outside your gate. In this case you can use hand-to-hand combat weapons like swords.) Then you can fix your gate. I'm sorry I don't agree, but I really don't see the point in throwing away the lives of your men. First off, you should have stocked up on all the supplies (guns, ammo, hand-to-hand weapons, food, water, bows, arrows, repairing supplies, etc.) you would need for at least a year or two. I do agree with the idea of farming, I'm from Texas (I'm not a cowboy or anything), but farming is a great way to have a good food supply. Most castles have their own water supply, but make sure it isn't contaminated, make sure zombies didn't die or bleed into the source of the water, whether it came from a stream or a well. I know people argue a lot about what makes a zombie a "zombie". I have my own opinion from what I've gathered through the years: 1)I believe zombies are created by an 'infection', such as Solanum. It doesn't mean that Solanum is the sole cause of it, but it has to be called something, and right now, Solanum is what it's called. 2)The ONLY way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head to destroy the brain (decapitating it works just as well. Although it won't 'kill' the zombie, it will stop it from walking after you (just remember, the head is still 'alive', so handle it CAREFULLY!). 3)I don't believe in the modern, 'fast' zombie. It is a possibilty, and I will prepare for it, but I really just think someone wanted to make some money on a movie... If you have any questions, my e-mail is princecyrus06@hotmail.com. I haven't been on the internet at home much, since I've been working a lot, but I'll eventually reply to any e-mails. And when Z-day comes, I'll still be here in Texas, maybe somewhere near the city of Temple or something. At this moment, I am preparing for that day, and when it comes, zombies everywhere will fear the name Timothy "Cyrus"!!! (I know zombies don't have fear, I'm just making myself look cool!) Later!
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
Not gona die (none / 0) (#193)
by Thobez on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 07:55:23 PM EST

The guy across the street is the greatest friend I have. He runs a blade shop out of his home and I run a gun shop out of my home so im prepared if I run out of ammo I just make a quick mad dash to his house and scrounge up some good old blades. Also every person in my area has a gun of some sort. Also I have a peculiarity to me, I build traps. I have a system in my yard were if I turn this on it activates water jets in the trees and then electrifies the air so if they get to close I have a bug zapper of sorts.Also I worked in mines for a few years so I built an underground base it even has an idea that a friend implemented were if something happens it seals the house off from the inside manually so once inside im in. Also I happened to find a water pocket that has a good bit of water from what I can tell so that solves the issue of water as for growing food... Im underground enough said. But to helpful info. Try to do something like me and go underground when Z-day comes around if theres one thing i know for sure a zombie isn't going to dig for more than de-graving. if you don't turn into a mole and go down under then try going up and have an escape route. Zombies will have to go up stairs and then are easier to down because as they come up and you can kill a few and have a body blockade also might get a few to fall on others. If your at say a tall office building with and elevator try to kill the elevator power they may be able to use them they may not. if that doesnt work and they can use them thencover the elevator entrance with thing like book shelves or desks or anything large and heavy. As for weapons keeps an axe handy. If its like most offices in my area they already have one so problem for that solved but if you dont try to get an aluminum bat or a golf club or even just some re-bar from a wall and for those who are lucky take some guns but dont power-load with say a M-60 try something smaller try you handheld automatics and maybe a rifle but for the most part go lightly with handguns. They arent bulky and encombersome plus most munitions are handgun capibale. Ok so your in an office building up a good bit and you have weapons and all entrances to you are secured, Now your hungry. You should have things like canned goods and water purifying tablets and a water purifier/pump if you dont have the pump or tablets and you dont have any drinks theres always urine. It is technicaly cleaner than water and it builds up on it own even with no fluids in the body but dont go thinking you should just go ahead and drink it up use this as a last resort. If you have no food then try birds from the roof. Now as a note, birds can get infected to so be weary of birds with dis-colouration or bites on them. But other than that you should be able to hold out on your own. Also dont save things like your computer your tv radio anything like that . Believe me when I say that order will not be restored soon after the outbreak is over if you survive, which you should. Take this time to go out and do a little shopping through the stores they will not be to careing if some goods are missing and probably wont even notice. But back to during the outbreak. A good number of friends is helpful also save any survivors on the way and if someone with better survival statistics (ie. better numbers better equipment a better hold out ect.) and they offer help or for you to join them, DONT BE A HERO. a hero will only get others killed more people means better chance of survival so dont be all "We can handle ourselves." or "We dont need your help" because you do. And if say in the heat of battle to your fortification grounds someone gets hurt, leave them if they are bitten then they are doomed to join the ranks of undead if say they have gotten injured from falls or bullet injuries the blood will draw more zombies to you through blood scents also the trail of blood will not help for hiding. Also dropping the severly wounded behind will probably help because its an easier meal if you were a zombie and say someone trips and breaks a leg but his friends keep running who will you go for the people running away or the guy who is immoblilized. and if you manage to hold out for a year at least during the winter survival will get harder in the sence of the cold causes arthrites and weapon jams and muscle stiffness but helps because the same happens to zombies also the blood scents will be weaker do to the cold absorbing them. and do not try to be wise and make jokes because that will give you away also it can mess with the calm of a group makeing them lose aim or become uneasy or even lose it and run stay as dry and realistic as possible dont be all "WE ARE GONA DIE!" or "god help us please" because this has the same effect as humor will but sometimes worse just make statements on whats happening and what to do and what could happen. Ohh and as for transportation you should try grab something like a bike a dirt bike motorcylce or even a pedal bike they can get mobility but are not as loud as a car plowing down the road also they can manuver in between obstacles easier and if they get flipped its not a car were you gona have more hell flipping it back on it tires a bike you just have to life up and go. also something like a bus might only work if you must have that hauling ability but dont go for a dump truck or anything of the nature it is slow and hard to manuverand for people who are like " well i would mount a machine gun on it and fire from the back" or "i would shoot at them as i drive" yeah its not GTA: Zombie City you cant just get in a car and drive and gas isnt unlimited and also if one hand if firing an assualt rifle (which is what most people who would try this would want) and he other hand is driving how do you think your going to hold a gun firing around and hit something without haveing kickback cause you to lose control and damn your efforts to hell. Use these ideas and work as a team and you should make it out with little flaw. The only thing that can redeem man kind is cooperation.

This is more of a guide like the one above but doesnt mean that you should get angry about this and start attacking me. Its only here to keep you alive.

GTA: Zombie City (none / 0) (#195)
by princecyrus06 on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 12:07:06 PM EST

Hey, I've been thinking about a game like that, only I called it Grand Theft Zombie...It had the same concept as the GTA games, only you were in a city full of the undead and you had to do missions to save the city. I'm a big fan of the GTA series, and I'm a big fan of zombie movies, so I've been thinking for about a year on how to combine them, if only I knew anything about making video games......
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
Shouldn't we be worrying about the undead??? (none / 0) (#194)
by princecyrus06 on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 12:52:17 PM EST

Come on. Most of the people on here are arguing about how to survive Z-day. We just need to quit arguing....epsecially about the 'weapons' situation. Guns are good, but they don't make you invincible. And yeah, you shouldn't go diving into a zombie horde acting like a samurai, cause that'll get you killed too. What I'm trying to say is, the weapon you use should be determined by the situation you're in. If you're on a roof, using a rifle or a bow wouldn't be a bad idea....if you're stuck in the middle of nowhere and zombies are coming in from all directions, a sword would be pretty useful. We need to focus on survival!!! When Z-day comes, I hope the rest of you understand that. We need to work together. I know we won't ALL get along, especially when we'll need supplies, but let's make sure we all know where our forts are, so we don't go and raid each other for supplies. We should all try to keep contact with each other so we know where 'NOT' to raid. Remember, this is for survival! I know it's pretty tempting to go to the nearest jewelry store and get all the gold necklaces and diamonds you can, but how is that gonna help you through this??? Just find a fort before it's too late, get all the guns, blades, bows, food, water you can, and grow some small farms, and try to survive! If someone comes knocking at your door, make sure they're not bitten or crazy, if they seem ok, let them in. Make sure you have a small band of people to do their part. And remember, SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD!!! Zombies are NOT demons....they're us, that's all. Some of you guys have some pretty good ideas, and some of you have some pretty weird ones, but no matter what....I hope to see you when it's all over................
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
Walmart and Costco both are bad choices. (none / 0) (#201)
by Teh Uber Nayr on Sat May 06, 2006 at 08:16:06 PM EST

According to the Zombie Survival Guide, you should get the hell away from urban areas as soon as you can in the event of an outbreak.

Thats true. (none / 0) (#202)
by princecyrus06 on Mon May 08, 2006 at 12:10:56 PM EST

The Zombie Survival Guide is a very useful book when it comes to surviving a zombie outbreak, but I have to admit that there are some things I disagree with. I think you should get out of urban areas as soon as the outbreak occurs, then when everything is settled down, go back and find a place to stay. Or you could just prepare a fort somewhere where there aren't a whole lot of people, and go there when the outbreak occurs. Either way, find a fort and get into it, make sure you stock up ahead of time, and good luck...
-Timothy___ "All I offer is the truth, nothing more..."
[ Parent ]
the best place to hold up (none / 0) (#205)
by communist panda on Sat Jul 01, 2006 at 10:38:34 PM EST

The best place to hold up would be to travel to aremote area, which natural border like mountain or hill, find a special cave, I go spelunking alot and there alot caves, with small fresh deeply cold stream runing tru main hall, and there usally a cave-in area they lights up main hall  if can climb up it usally leads to cliff or area that unclimbable from outside and is hidden. YOu can use this to grow crops or as look out over main ent to cave, Caves give natural hidden shelter and if there stream like cave im  talking about unlimited supply of fresh cold water that cant be inficted from outside souce because it comes from deep underground. Also the water is awas deeply numbing cold which you can use to as fridge for food that could spoil so you can store some items in water. The cave would keep constant temp. if could a maybe fasen a trubine styem to power a generator. my english is not some skillful sory

well... (none / 0) (#206)
by Imortelle on Fri Aug 04, 2006 at 04:48:52 PM EST

WTF? Hide in church? you guys are seriously fucked. heres what you do...kill yourself before they kill you. truthfully if there even was a zombie plauge seriously all of us would be fucked. dont waste your time trying to survive. yah you could try..but you'lle eventually die in the end. and if not by the zombies youd more likley die of somthing else (natural causes maybe?lawl) we are all gonna die in the end..so just stay where you are and fuck the person right next to you cuz you aint gonna get anywhere! thats just my two cents.

zombie attack (none / 0) (#207)
by zombiehunter666 on Fri Oct 20, 2006 at 10:52:45 AM EST

I agree with all that but if you run out of food and water just strap a bomb to you and run out at em blowing yourslef and them to hell.

My Unique Opinion (none / 1) (#208)
by Alliagodarosu on Wed Nov 08, 2006 at 05:32:02 AM EST

You can't really just say "They aren't possessed by demons!", A real Z-Day thats being explained here hasn't actually happened. What if demons learn to posses the already-dead and rise with them? or if the souls of the dead rise from where souls go. Carry a bible, some might actually be affected by it. Even if you believe in a Satanic based god, I think even that kind of person would be smart enough to think ("These zombies dont give a Sh@$ at who I worship..") Take whatever chance you can against the zombies in the Weapon-factor (as in staying defensive against them) and hope the best, Even if Z-Day happens, The dead have to run out of bodies that haven't been shot up, torn up, or toasted by some sort of flame implement forever, Even if you kill a zombie by destroyed it's brain, or removing it's head, it might still go. The best option I would take in is, Remove it's limbs. Set mines if you can get ahold of any, RPG them when possible, use extreme force. Either that, or -Evryone- is a zombie outta no where because the disease spreaded into the water supply before we could find out Z-Day was coming. I wouldn't think of just Waking up and it's a Zombie invasion. Maybe when or if the zombie invasion happens, We wont know until the disease infects us all and were walking on the streets with limbs falling off from our decaying bones.

Wow. You're retarded. (none / 0) (#209)
by Uuklay on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 02:13:49 AM EST

No one should be killed by slow zombies? Have you ever actually SEEN a zombie movie? Or maybe by chance read THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE?! ONE slow zombie may not be a threat, but an army comming at you from all directions while you are trapped in a small building is a little serious. Seriously, you are a retard.

Why blades? (none / 0) (#210)
by Slickedysam2 on Thu Dec 14, 2006 at 09:32:11 PM EST

First of all if you use a sword that puts you evn closer to one of those things and the closer you are the easier it is to get bite and personally i do not want to go out and fight a bunch of Zombies hopeing that i am some kind fuckin ninja.
And i dont think any of you are a fucking samuri.
That is why i would go on a roof with all of the heavyust shit i can kind and screw around with those little bastards also i would go with that guys idea of spears and stuff i would make a few that i could shove right through a Zombie. The only problem is that they could pull you over if you tried to pok them to death.

About the discussion.. (none / 0) (#211)
by Leon1me on Thu Jan 04, 2007 at 07:00:31 PM EST

 This is a pretty interesting discussion..

hey.. (none / 0) (#212)
by Leon1me on Thu Jan 04, 2007 at 09:45:22 PM EST

so when r u guys gonna chat again?..

Very nice (none / 0) (#213)
by DarkAdmiral on Tue Jan 23, 2007 at 11:06:46 AM EST

Everything here is very interesting. It has inspired me to make my own survival guide. Once it is finished I'll post it.

On the melee vs guns a combo of both would be good, guns for range and groups, melee for lone zombies and sneak attakcs/ambushes/etc.

There are different advantages too, for being solo, group, or community. i.e. if your in group and need sex you could have a third person keep watch so you and your squeeze arent caught with your pants down literally.

Surviving (none / 0) (#215)
by vegetable99 on Fri Feb 02, 2007 at 11:19:32 AM EST

Well, my choice of weaponry would be this. Two
9mm's, two hand pistol uzi's, a uzi 9mm, two smallish blade and a long curved sword.
I would want to be weraing leather boots leather trousers and a leather top. Like the guy before me said, leather is more ressiliant against a bite. I would also have six or four hand grenades just in case of emergencies. I did have a good idea for a coat too. You know the one that blade wears, the long black leather coat (bit obssesed with leather i know lol) would be ideal for carrying the sword and keeping ammo inside the coat.
In preparation i would learn how to hotwire a car properly. I know how to break into a car without smashing the glass, and you would need to know how to do that because one of those sons of bitches could easily get your arm whilst you drive. I kinda know how you hotwire a car but i always forget the colours you need to put together, so that's something i need to work on.
I would try and get a car thats full of petrol and resonably large, not too big though because it will make it harder to take through small holes and openings if needed. My main thought of it all would be to try and help people. I wouldn't be able to save my skin knowing that there were people around me needing my help.
Like in therecent Dawn of the dead when Anna drives past that woman begging for help. I would rather have people around me than be alone. Even if it was just one person, working as a team isbetter than working by yourself.

How to Survive a Zombie Attack | 215 comments (192 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
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