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Harry Potter is thinly-veiled homosexual propaganda

By gndn in Op-Ed
Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 08:18:41 AM EST
Tags: Fuck Harry Potter (all tags)

The story is about a boy who lives in a cupboard (i.e. "in the closet"). His Aunt and Uncle are ashamed of him because his parents were quite eccentric (i.e. "flaming") and they are deeply concerned and afraid that he will turn out just like them. On his 11th birthday (i.e. roughly at the onset of puberty), the boy discovers that he is actually a "wizard", different in both style and substance from normal people, or "muggles" (i.e. "breeders"). The boy is groomed into his new existence by a large, hairy bear of a man who shows Harry a hidden underground community of "wizards" living right under the noses of the general population (i.e. the gay subculture). Harry's first trip to this subculture involves traveling through "Diagon Alley", a play on the word diagonally (i.e. not straight).

One of Harry's first rites of passage in his new life is to select a wand (i.e. penis). The wand/penis is the most important tool in a Wizard's arsenal (or arse) and so this scene is treated with great reverence and mystery. While experiencing Diagon Alley for the first time, Harry also pauses with a group of other young boys to admire a much coveted broomstick (i.e. long hard shaft of wood).

Harry's indoctrination begins in earnest when he is sent to a special school who purpose is to train him to use his wizard powers safely, while still being able to live in a world full of muggles. Young students at this school are forbidden from practicing "magic" (i.e. homosexuality) outside of the school (this is the so-called "restriction on the use of underage magic"). They are also forbidden from using magic in the presence of muggles, who might be frightened or angered by witnessing it, an obvious and heavy handed commentary on gay-straight societal tension.

The students at this school are segregated by gender, a clear attempt to encourage homosexual relationships. The most popular pastime at the school is a game called "Quidditch", which involves riding hard shafts of wood, handling several types of balls, and trying to score points by successfully penetrating the hoop. This activity is enthusiastically endorsed by school officials for obvious reasons. Harry quickly excels at this new game and quickly becomes known for his above-average broom handling.

Harry spends a great deal of time with Hagrid, the man-bear who first initiated him into the wizarding world, but also forms a close friendship with Ron, a fellow student (and first real boyfriend). The two also tolerate the presence of Hermione, a female classmate who compensates for her lack of a penis by being a better than average student. Together, this troublemaking threesome get into mischief on numerous occasions, causing consternation and concern among the teachers.

Ultimately, the story is about Harry coming to terms with the tragic and premature death of his gay parents, who both died from AIDS (personified in the story by a cliche evil villain named Lord Voldemort). Although both his parents were struck down by the horrible disease, Harry himself was spared (though it did leave him scarred for life, i.e. infected with HIV but not full blown AIDS). Harry desperately searches for a new father figure to fill the void (either figuratively or literally) left by his father's absence. Harry first clings on to Hagrid the man-bear, then later Dumbledore, a kind but haggard old pedophile, and finally clutches on to Sirius Black, an old friend of his father's and Harry's godfather. Sirius has the curious ability to transform into a wild dog (i.e. he is an aggressive top). Harry's father had the ability to transform into a horse (a sly reference to penis size, lol horsecock). Harry himself has the ability to communicate with snakes (i.e. a deep understanding and appreciation of penises).

Harry is further traumatized when one of his classmates, Cedric, is also cruelly cut down by Lord AIDSmort. Harry attempts to warn the others that "Voldemort has returned" (i.e. AIDS is on the rise), but the majority of the wizarding community chooses not to believe this out of sheer denial. Only Dumbledore, the wise old one, and a few others believe Harry at first. Harry is at first ostracized but later vindicated for attempting to warn the community about the dangers of Lord AIDSmort. Sadly, Harry's newly adopted father, Sirius, is cut down in the process by one of Lord AIDSmort's henchmen (let's say syphilis).

Harry's career ambition after all this is to become an Auror - a dark wizard catcher (i.e. an AIDS awareness campaigner). This is the only way to ease the pain he feels from the loss of his dead friends and family while keeping other young wizards safe from the "dark side" of wizarding, i.e. AIDS.


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Harry Potter
o Gay 10%
o Straight 3%
o Ambiguous 10%
o Irrelevant 16%
o Bring on the Hermione lesbo scene 60%

Votes: 60
Results | Other Polls

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Harry Potter is thinly-veiled homosexual propaganda | 43 comments (35 topical, 8 editorial, 0 hidden)
gosh, what a clever and original attempt at humor (3.00 / 9) (#1)
by the spins on Mon Jul 16, 2007 at 04:48:18 PM EST

( )

easily better than anything you've posted. (2.70 / 10) (#2)
by tetsuwan on Mon Jul 16, 2007 at 05:04:32 PM EST

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance
[ Parent ]

It's okay (2.25 / 4) (#3)
by gndn on Mon Jul 16, 2007 at 05:16:35 PM EST

Spinsy is just upset because I told him to kick himself in the crotch. I think I hurt his feelings.

[ Parent ]
dullard (3.00 / 6) (#9)
by the spins on Mon Jul 16, 2007 at 07:20:10 PM EST

( )

[ Parent ]

dimwit, (none / 1) (#16)
by tetsuwan on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 02:31:27 AM EST

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance
[ Parent ]

It's also worth noting the failed (2.45 / 11) (#12)
by balsamic vinigga on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 12:24:43 AM EST

female love interest of Cho Chang. That romance kind of fizzled due to lack of any real chemistry. Obviously, Harry had flirted with the idea of heterosexuality with an asian girl (asian girls are built like 12 year old boys) but it just didn't work out for him.

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
You must be right (3.00 / 3) (#13)
by michaelmalak on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 02:00:26 AM EST

Anything so lacking in plot has to be a porn movie.

Oh, wait, there was that movie called Goonies.  Was that a porn movie too?

BergamoAcademy.com  Authentic Montessori in Denver

Probs. nt. (none / 1) (#27)
by spooked on Fri Jul 20, 2007 at 02:46:11 AM EST

[ Parent ]
pure fucking garbage. (3.00 / 12) (#15)
by I See You Always on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 02:29:05 AM EST

The ONLY ending that I would find acceptable (3.00 / 5) (#17)
by Masquitos Davis on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 03:48:28 PM EST

is where Harry Potter whips off what turns out to have been a mask, and reveals himself to be Michael Crawford.

Then he gets all "ogg frog" on Hermoine's ass.

Then (none / 1) (#18)
by rpresser on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 04:23:51 PM EST

Hermione rips off her mask and reveals herself to be Bonita.

Then Bonita rips off her mask and reveals herself to be a horse.

Then the horse rips off its mask and reveals itself to be a broom.

"To tell you the truth, Jenny, I'm surprised."
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]

In that case (3.00 / 2) (#19)
by Masquitos Davis on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 04:37:32 PM EST

Michael Crawford rips off his mask and reveals himself to be Rusty.

Rusty rips off his mask and reveals himself to be circletimessquare.

circletimessquare rips off his mask and reveals himself to be Darth Vader.  He then tells Luke (who is really Harry Potter in disguise) that he's his father, and Luke commits suicide by licking Egil Skallagrimson's toilet seat.

Hollywood magic at its finest!

[ Parent ]

I need a 2nd opinion (none / 1) (#20)
by postDigital on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 08:53:10 PM EST

Conservapedia, "The Trustworthy Encyclodpedia", which is run by Phyllis Schlafly's son, Andrew Schlafly, so you know it's gotta be factfilled truth has this to say about Harry Potter, and allegations that the book series supported anti-Christian ideology:

In 2003, a Vatican representative said the books, "aren't serving as the banner for an anti-Christian theology.... I don't think there's anyone in this room who grew up without fairies, magic, and angels in their imaginary world."

Which doesn't much help to clear up the question of whether Harry Potter is gay, but clearly, a Vatican representative who grew up with "fairies, magic, and angels in their imaginary world" is a true believer that his job is heaven upon earth, and is most assuredly gay.

It is also a pretty good indicator that Schlafly boy is one motherfucking dumb son of a bitch posting papist dribble as an authoritarian citation in a namespace he claims is Conservatism's wikipedia. There aren't many evangelicals who have hopped onto that Popemobile Driven Ecumentalist Wagon that's heading straight for the Gates of Hell. To top that off, Pope Ratzo's recent mouthing off about his own personal Jesus, and calling bragging rights because believing in his own self's most holy beingness is the one and only true path up to the pearly gates didn't come off as a popularity winner with the holy-rollers of the right either, especially with that thick Colonel Klinkish German accented Latin he spews when performing Midnight Mass just before he cuts out a baby's heart for an appropriate appetizer to go along with the communion wafers and wine entree.

hum? (none / 1) (#21)
by tetsuwan on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 05:35:15 AM EST

The catholics at least have some kind of brain, which seems to be lacking in evangelical christians.

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance
[ Parent ]

elaboration (none / 1) (#31)
by postDigital on Sat Jul 21, 2007 at 12:05:08 AM EST

Titling a post 'hum' in response to my musing about the Pope and Catholicism strikes me as being exceedingly defamatory.

It wasn't intended to be a study in comparative religions, I would have agreed with your assessment that the harm Catholicism does to society is less than the Christian Fundamentalism's harm to society if it had been a comparative analysis.

The post was instead an investigation into a newer wikimedia manifestation, Conservapedia, which was conceived and overseen by a spawn of Phyllis Schlafly, Andrew, and claims on its front page: "A conservative encyclopedia you can trust. The truth shall set you free".

There is a problem with what Andrew believes to be the God's honest truth, and the make-up of Contemporary Conservatism's members though. That problem becomes transparent when one reads Conservapedia's Harry Potter entry. In it, there is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek derisive description of a Christian Evangelical school children mother's attempt to get Harry Potter books banned, because they emphasise the Occult, and because of that are Satanic. As authoritarian proof that this mother is crazy, they reference a message from the Vatican. A my god is better than your god argument. Although some could argue that this is using original intent in a very realistic way, a faithful portrayal of the Judeo-Christian heritage, it is still very provocative to imply that in matters of religious controversy, the Pope has the final say. Most Protestant faiths would consider that to be apostasy; in fact, most Evangelical Sects go even farther with their belief that The Pope is Revelations horned beast arising from the earth at the end of times.

The cohesiveness of these disparate Christian sects within contemporary conservatism has not been aided by the missives of the once Nazi Youth member, and present-day Pope. The latest assertion of his own most-holy primacy isn't going to help Rudy's already piss-poor standing amongst the Evangelicals:

A document released this week by the Vatican, which declares the Catholic Church's primacy and can be seen as deeming other Christian communities defective, has stirred up outrage.

Pope Benedict XVI signed off on the statement, only days after he moved to reinstitute the Latin Mass (which also rankled some), as a way to correct "erroneous interpretation" of the Second Vatican Council's 1960s teachings, which many considered a breakthrough in fostering dialogue between Christian traditions.
[. . .]
Calling the statement, which refers to the Catholic Church as the "one Church of Christ," "disappointing and regressive," Bishop Carolyn Tanner Irish of the Episcopal Diocese of Utah wondered in a written response why, in a time already steeped in division and when ecumenism is most necessary, the pope would issue comments that "will not help our efforts to find common ground and to move forward together."
[. . .]
Scott Trotter, spokesman for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, weighed in Friday saying, "We are neither offended nor concerned when other faith traditions assert their authority. As stated in our 11th Article of Faith: 'We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where or what they may.' "

Jessica Ravitz, "Pope's declaration of Catholic primacy has protestants, other faiths miffed", The Salt Lake Tribune, July 14, 2007

At least the Mormons remember the original intent of the bullets which were being fired at their ancestors' backsides as they scrambled up the western bank of the Missouri River to jump into their Conestoga wagons and seek out their prohesised Zion on Earth. They know far too well the potential harm which comes from allowing society to dictate religious mores. So did James 'Father of the Constitution' Madison:

Who does not see that the same authority which can establish Christianity, in exclusion of all other Religions, may establish with the same ease any particular sect of Christians, in exclusion of all other Sects?

James Madison, "Memorial and Remonstrance against Religious Assessments", June 20, 1785

This cuts to the chase about the blatant stupidity, and preponderately false assertion that America was founded on some sort of imaginary bedrock of a Christian totality, which also was tolerant of Jews but no other religions play in the same league. the "Judeo-Christian" tradition was brought into our consciousness around WWII, and had been non-existent before then. There is No Christian Gestalt. Christianity is instead a multitude of sects each having its own personal Jesus, and there are views held among them that are oppositional to each other. One example regards the esoteric question of whether Jesus was pure godseed. In other words, did Jesus possess Mary's DNA? It may sound trivial, but many people have died over the ages taking the wrong side in variations of that argument. The Constitution's founders were in majority believers in various Christian Sects, but they were also educated men who knew fully the lessons from history, and what the price had been for wars predicated by differing Christian dogmas. It was Inter Christian sectarian violence they were attempting to avoid by keeping religion separated from the government. If you want to get real truthful and harsh about original intent, many revolutionary Patriots were vehemently anti-Catholic, so I guess they don't get freedom of religion in America either:

"And it is now generally agreed among Christians that this spirit of toleration in the fullest extent consistent with the being of civil society 'is the chief characteristical mark of the true church' & In so much that Mr. Lock has asserted, and proved beyond the possibility of contradiction on any solid ground, that such toleration ought to be extended to all whose doctrines are not subversive of society. The only Sects which he thinks ought to be, and which by all wise laws are excluded from such toleration, are those who teach Doctrines subversive of the Civil Government under which they live. The Roman Catholicks or Papists are excluded by reason of such Doctrines as these that Princes excommunicated may be deposed, and those they call Hereticks may be destroyed without mercy; besides their recognizing the Pope in so absolute a manner, in subversion of Government, by introducing as far as possible into the states, under whose protection they enjoy life, liberty and property, that solecism in politicks, Imperium in imperio leading directly to the worst anarchy and confusion, civil discord, war and blood shed

Samuel Adams, "The Rights of the Colonists", November 20, 1772

This post had headed lineally for far enough: furthermore, the sarcastic question posed by the arses of the grade school playground; "Is the Pope Catholic", implies a cultural centric ignorance:

Pope Shenouda III, the head of Egypt's Coptic Orthodox church, criticised Pope Benedict on Saturday over a Vatican document asserting Catholic primacy, saying his pride in Catholicism was making him enemies.

"The man (Pope Benedict) makes enemies every time. In his first statements a few months back, he lost all the Muslims. And now this time, he lost a lot of the Christian denominations because he has begun to err against Christians themselves," Shenouda told the state-run daily Al-Ahram.

[. . .]

"We're not opposed to Catholics having pride in their church, but that doesn't mean that every church that doesn't join them isn't a church."

"Coptic pope criticises Pope Benedict", Reuters, July 15, 2007

So the rightful answer to the query is the Pope Catholic is not necessarily, but the answer to the query, "Does the Pope Shit in the Woods", would still be affirmative.

The Vatican has expended a tremendous effort to stigmatise homosexuality by advancing the claim that the problem of their priests being child molestors is in some way related to homosexuality. It is not. Child molestation is a predatory crime, and the victims are not chosen because of their gender, they are chosen because of the opportunity. For some incomprehensible reason, Catholic families have enough sense not to leave young Sally alone with a priest to cut candle wicks, but they are willing to send young Johnny off to St. Buggerers All Boy Preparatory School. Maybe they figure it the only way their sons well ever become a host for the holy spirit; for them to have a lifetime memory that will help them in understanding the phrase from Psalms 23: "thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me". After all of this distorting the facts about child molestation and homosexuality, the Pope has the nerve to ride around in the gayest vehicle ever known to mankind, the Popemobile.

In case you still confused, I've prepared a visual aid to go along with this post.

[ Parent ]
Bye kuro5hin (2.71 / 14) (#22)
by haslo on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 10:23:38 AM EST

You used to be cool, but lately all I read here is irrelevant bullshit.

A nice time for cleaning up my feedreader a bit it seems.

cocks (2.72 / 11) (#23)
by BottleRocket on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 11:51:55 AM EST

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
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$ . . . . .
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Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
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. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $

[ Parent ]

TRAGEDY (3.00 / 2) (#28)
by spooked on Fri Jul 20, 2007 at 02:48:47 AM EST



[ Parent ]
FanFuckingTastic (none / 1) (#24)
by Polyester Jones on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 11:53:41 AM EST

Any randomly selected Harry Potter Fan Fiction contribution will corroborate this thesis.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
inreresting that you think it's the only... (none / 1) (#25)
by mikelist on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 05:24:31 PM EST

...correlation. gay isn't a secret society, at least not any more. queers in high places, ie state and federal electives, entertainers, as well as the usual artists and authors.

i'm thinking like ms-dos freaks.

oh, i see what you mean.

Better version (2.50 / 2) (#26)
by wiredog on Thu Jul 19, 2007 at 08:24:51 AM EST


The idea of a global village is wrong, it's more like a gazillion pub bars.

OOOOOOOOO...K (none / 1) (#29)
by deus diabolus on Fri Jul 20, 2007 at 10:16:41 AM EST

Where's the Dumbledore/Hagrid slash?

Harry Potter! (none / 1) (#30)
by Anal Warts on Fri Jul 20, 2007 at 04:21:36 PM EST

Harry Potter is a http://rectalwart.com

This should be posted (3.00 / 2) (#32)
by harrystottle on Sat Jul 21, 2007 at 07:47:42 PM EST

where it will do the most good

If you do it, make sure it looks real...

and don't forget to tell us you've done it...

Mostly harmless

Too easy (none / 1) (#33)
by gndn on Sun Jul 22, 2007 at 10:00:54 PM EST

Trolling the Westboro Baptist Church is like beating up retarded asthmatic cripples.

[ Parent ]
Sexy? (3.00 / 2) (#36)
by Just this guy on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 01:15:53 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Awesome (none / 1) (#34)
by Ta bu shi da yu on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 04:18:47 AM EST

Best laught I've had in ages!

AdTIה"the think tank that didn't".
Really? (none / 1) (#35)
by Marvaud on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 09:30:57 PM EST

So ye say!
It may well be thinly veiled assexualist propoganda,
but really, at the end of the day,
gripe if you will,
the fact is that the Harry Potter books
have re-introduced the joys of reading
to many children out there.
And although, I'm not a great fan myself,
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Like a pre-pubescent Freud. (none / 1) (#37)
by Revolutionary Debris on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 11:45:06 PM EST

Harry Potter is about being different (none / 1) (#38)
by roffe on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 05:17:27 AM EST

Of course it make sense to read homosexuality into Harry Potter, however the books could be about any socially problematic difference.

I like the point about the closet. Hadn't thought about that. But Aurors as a metaphor for Aids campaigners - that's a stretch.

Rolf Marvin Bøe Lindgren

Voldemort (3.00 / 2) (#39)
by Boronx on Wed Aug 01, 2007 at 02:10:32 AM EST

Voldemort, a wizard himself, wants wizards to come out of the closet, and rule the straights. He doesn't care who's life he wrecks on the way. He's not AIDS, he's The Gay Agenda.
[ Parent ]
by Stick Apart on Mon Oct 22, 2007 at 10:57:57 PM EST

> "I think it could easily be around 200 million people dead because of gun control." - V

[ Parent ]

Like, this guys totally an out homo you can tell (1.50 / 2) (#41)
by Hiphopopotamus on Tue Aug 14, 2007 at 09:41:22 AM EST


I'm In LOVE!
[ Parent ]

Goodness! (none / 1) (#40)
by Maeve on Thu Aug 02, 2007 at 02:29:32 PM EST

It took someone this long to realize that?

It is obvious Ms. Rowling is out to corrupt, and turn our childern gay.

She's picking up where the incestuous, gay Grimm Brothers left off.

Thank you for your insight.

rolls eyes

You re stupid. (3.00 / 2) (#42)
by tardfu on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 01:32:53 AM EST

Harry Potter is completely unvieled asexual propaganda.

The story follows the life of a boy from 11 or so to 17 or so.

Never once is masturbation mentioned.

Yeah right.

Oh yeah-- written by a woman-- but, according to my wife, even women masturbate.

But no.

Piers Anthony, though he is a dirty pervert, comes closer to the truth with Xanth, but even then, it pales to my personal experience.

It absolutelely astounds me that there is no mention of the problem of enslaving house elves for sex, or conjuring nymphs in Rowlings stories.


Complete fantasy.

Useless pap. Complete garbage.

Harry Potter is thinly-veiled homosexual propaganda | 43 comments (35 topical, 8 editorial, 0 hidden)
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