Nobel peace prize winner President Obama is in portugal for a 2 day Nato summit, in which he is trying to drum up Nato support for our ongoing invasion of Afghanistan. This goes on as we begin to introduce M1 Abrams tanks into Afghanistan. Previously we held out tanks, worrying that they would remind Afghans of the tank heavy Soviet invasion. But a senior Pentagon official says "We've taken the gloves off, and it's had a huge effect.". Another official opined that all the property damage is having a positive effect, because it forces the family, whose home has just been destroyed, to petition the governor with a damage claims. This officia stated "In effect, you're connecting the [Afghan] government to the people".
No, I'm not making any of that up, although I wish I were. In other news, all the oppressive airport security is finally getting on people's nerves. Turns out they can deal with long lines, invasions of privacy, taking their shoes off and random laptop seizures, but they draw the line at being given the choice between having their genitals groped or having a 3D nudie photo of them taken.