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[P]
Warning: Beware of Sex with Eric S. Raymond

By Trollaxor in Op-Ed
Thu Nov 03, 2011 at 10:34:01 PM EST
Tags: Alan Cox, Eric S. Raymond, Linus Torvalds, Linux, Rob Malda (all tags)

Anyone who has had sexual intercourse with Eric S. Raymond and/or uses Linux should go and get an HIV test immediately.

(http://www.trollaxor.com/2011/11/warning-beware-of-sex-with-eric-s.html)


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Eric, known as ESR in certain circles, is one of the most sexually-promiscuous people in the Open Source community. For example, he's currently sleeping with two unemployed Linux hobbyists on a regular basis who do all sorts of sick, depraved shit with him like shoving Twinkies up their asses so that Eric can suck the filling out.

Another instance of Eric's disgusting behavior is when he and his Linux losers held what is known in the industry as a "Linux party." Think that means some kind of icecream social? Think again! One night, Eric held Linus Torvalds at gunpoint and almost choked him to death on a giant turd, after which he gained root access to the Linux code server. Eric likes to pistol-whip geeky programmers and get his penis and gun barrels licked clean.

Eric also has surprise sex whenever he can. One time, he visited Rob Malda, the founder of Slashdot.org. After breaking into Rob's place, Eric was seen exiting the property house at dusk, throwing empty bottles of Jägermeister after what neighbors called a "loud night of moaning and fighting." Rob allegedly suffered bowel-incontinence for the next several days. He certainly didn't post any stories to Slashdot for a while after Eric's visit!

Eric Raymond gives little regard to whom he sleeps with or what they may be infected with. His is a pathological obsession for attention caused by years of Linux programming and self-aggrandizement. When asked by a Linux user group to speak publicly at their next meeting, Eric ended up having sex in the bathroom with one of their members and throwing up all over the place. And let's not even get into the time that Eric managed to shit into the brownie mix at a LAN party!

Because of this kind of depraved, wanton activity Eric is now carrying several different STDs and has seen "odd results" on his last several HIV tests, though he insists that there must be a bug in their testing software. Maybe it's running Linux?!

If you think genital warts, AIDS, and dangerous gunplay are sexy, go for it. As long as you tell Eric that you're a Linux user, he won't turn you down.

Otherwise, steer clear of this walking Open Source sewer. Not only will you contract one of Eric's diseases but you will have the shame of appearing on his list of one-night stands and Linux butthole rape. That's not something anyone should want or be proud of--except Eric S. Raymond.

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o http://www .trollaxor.com/2011/11/warning-beware-of-sex-with-eric-s.html
o ESR
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o self-aggra ndizement
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o Also by Trollaxor


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Warning: Beware of Sex with Eric S. Raymond | 22 comments (14 topical, 8 editorial, 0 hidden)
each *mean* inserted his penis (none / 1) (#2)
by tdillo on Wed Nov 02, 2011 at 12:35:52 PM EST

Does Ubuntu even count as Linux anymore? I realize it uses the kernel but what with Unity and Wayland it's just a matter of time right?

So would ESR have sex with someone running Ubuntu? Would he be a top or bottom or would they switch around so that every fucking thing was on the left and the top would hover over the bed so that you weren't sure to who's ass he was attached?

Where does Mac fit in? Would ESR have sex with a Mac user? Would he only allow fellatio? I already know that Mac users are bottoms since they are quite happy to take it up the ass.

I may not agree with what you say but I'll defend to the death your right to go fuck yourself.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Fixed. (none / 0) (#3)
by Trollaxor on Wed Nov 02, 2011 at 01:43:07 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Rob Malda uses a Mac (3.00 / 3) (#8)
by Zombie Jesus Christ on Thu Nov 03, 2011 at 12:17:21 AM EST

He bought his TiBook it because it has the nicest user interface of all the *NIX distributions.  I Shit You Not.

--
Mike Crawford for Clark County Commissioner
District 1 North County
mike@communard.org

Paid for by The Communard Party of Washington State


[ Parent ]
I was sceptical at first (2.75 / 12) (#5)
by TDS on Wed Nov 02, 2011 at 08:27:44 PM EST

Some of the suggestions here are shocking. But then I noticed this article is tightly referenced throughout with hyperlinks to what are, as far as I can tell, top quality sources.

Sorry for doubting your integrity Trollaxor.

For those with doubts, this is a quote Eric gave, apparently proud of his promiscuity and 'devil may care' attitude in the era of AIDS:

"Stallman says he has never had a monogamous sexual relationship, and he's also observed that programmers tend to favor polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships more than people in other jobs. "It's about being able to question conventional wisdom," he asserts."

What is unfortunate about this is Eric's sheer irresistibility to potential partners who can no more walk away from an 'unconventional' time with Eric than the Millenium Falcon could escape the Death Star's tractor beam.

I'm what PUAs call a "natural", a man who figured out much of game on his own and consequently cuts a wide sexual swathe when he cares to.
http://esr.ibiblio.org/?p=3000

I haven't read it myself, but I'm told he also published a 'Tijuana Bible' account of his unusual sexual behaviour called 'The cathedral of the bizarre' which seems popular with programmers, who as Eric tells us, tend to be sexually amoral.

And when we die, we will die with our hands unbound. This is why we fight.

Your dedication to unmasking this degenerate (3.00 / 7) (#6)
by LilDebbie on Wed Nov 02, 2011 at 09:14:17 PM EST

is admirable. Truly, sir, you are a scholar and a gentleman.

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

+1FP, not about MDC (3.00 / 5) (#12)
by Enlarged to Show Texture on Thu Nov 03, 2011 at 12:16:19 PM EST

even if it is someone more depraved than MDC is...


"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -- Isaac Asimov
At least he's a nutritional pioneer (3.00 / 4) (#15)
by Harry B Otch on Thu Nov 03, 2011 at 02:55:22 PM EST

...all sorts of sick, depraved shit with him like shoving Twinkies up their asses so that Eric can suck the filling out.

I believe that's what they call the Junk Food Diet.  Or maybe the it's the "Twinkie defense".

-----
A lamentable petty bourgeois cry of fear.-.

Possibly (none / 0) (#16)
by tdillo on Thu Nov 03, 2011 at 05:28:32 PM EST

related?

I may not agree with what you say but I'll defend to the death your right to go fuck yourself.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.[ Parent ]

Technology and Culture, from the Trenches (3.00 / 5) (#17)
by schlouse on Thu Nov 03, 2011 at 10:49:34 PM EST



How come I couldn't FP this?$ (none / 0) (#18)
by mirko on Fri Nov 04, 2011 at 12:21:41 AM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
SITE CLOSED FUCK OFF (none / 1) (#19)
by schlouse on Fri Nov 04, 2011 at 06:25:40 AM EST



[ Parent ]
I CANNOT FUCK OFF ON FRIDAYS$ (none / 0) (#20)
by mirko on Fri Nov 04, 2011 at 11:52:19 AM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
[ Parent ]
kuro5hin.org mail delayed too... (none / 0) (#21)
by Trollaxor on Fri Nov 04, 2011 at 12:23:57 PM EST

"No route to host."

[ Parent ]
I have always... (3.00 / 2) (#22)
by Pnarp on Mon Nov 07, 2011 at 07:41:18 PM EST

...been wary of sex with Eric S. Raymond. But thanks for the reminder! One never knows when it'll come in handy.

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
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