I make no secret of the fact that I am not a democrat. The sundries of their candidate positions matter little to me. Over at Daily Kos they get so lathered up you'd think the entire community caught rabies over every comment, every move, every nuance. They can't seem to wait for the blood letting to begin. I once volunteered at a shelter where they took abused animals. The last spring I worked there they brought in truck with crates, huge crates. Inside the crates where misshapen hunks of monstrous fur and teeth. They snarled and snapped and bit at the cages while the handlers unloaded them. I stayed away. That afternoon I went to one of the rooms to get food and saw the shelter manager kneeling down, petting one of the dogs. The cage was open, it was wandering freely. It wagged a ragged stump at me, eager to be petted. It's perfectly safe, said the shelter manager. The dogs were bred to be aggressive toward other dogs.
The thing about the democratic party is that they are so eager for blood that until the fight begins in earnest, they'll settle for tearing each other's heart out. The crowds at dog fights are more civil, more tolerant, and they've gathered to pay money to see animals kill each other.
The Michael Vick School of Campaign Management
Then you read laments from political pundits. "How could Hillary be so cold? So ruthless?" Idiots. She was bred to be that way. Like those shelter dogs she is a product of her upbringing, training, and own primal desires. Dogs desire to slaughter each other, and to rend the meat from the weaker ones. Politicians desire power, wrung from the bones of those who either stood against them or didn't run fast enough. And it's not like there was some bait and switch: I've seen them call Hillary a hypocrite or fake, saying she isn't "democratic enough". Hillary Clinton, love her or hate her, hasn't varied one iota from what she is: a pure political animal. The DC equivalent of a junk yard pit bull, owing allegiance only to those who hold the food bowl and willing to do what it takes to win. And her supporters love her for that. My neighbor's a big Clintonista (her term). "Hillary's a fighter. I want a fighter," she said, "someone to go in and play nasty and make the republicans walk the line, someone who's not afraid to do what it takes." 8th street in West Seattle, Friday at 11:30p.m., they got your kind of election woman. "If he (Obama) can't withstand Hillary, the Republicans will eat him up" (her words). So Obama's the meat dog for Clinton? Just something for her to warm up on before the real fight?
So Democrats are dogs? That's the point? Not exactly, though the current "Majority party" sure behaves like it. If the Democrat party leaders rolled over and peed themselves when a Republican walked by I wouldn't be surprised. A majority party who doesn't stop the war? Who approve legislature that runs counter to the values they paid lip service to in order to get elected? Honestly, if we had any sense of decency, any sense of mercy we'd bring in the Detroit PD and let them raid the Senate and House. "Today in the news five hundred and thirty four disease politicians were seized from a disgusting house of bribery and corruption. Several packs, or `committees' had to be tasered or harpooned. Officials say some of these may be able to be rehabilitated into business owners or neighbors. The rest will be rehabilitated by PETA.
If you were wondering if I'll work in a reference to Dog Whistle Politics, I won't be. Dog Whistle politics is where a politician says something, and constituents hear whatever they want to. Dog whistle politics are the EVP of Washington DC. You listen to it long enough and true believers will hear whatever they want to hear. For instance: Politician A says "I believe in equal opportunity." The far right says "It means he believe in affirmative action." The Far left says "It means he believes in ending affirmative action", and the middle of the road say "I just want to believe there is opportunity." Anyone who uses the phrase "Dog whistle politics" has just done you a favor. Fold them up a tinfoil sailor's hat and seat them at a table with the cousine who believes the aliens have made contact, the aunt who thinks the government invented AIDS, and the other delusional people. They're happier that way.
Peanuts, Get Your Peanuts
If I were a still a Republican this would be the most entertaining race possible. Watching my "enemies" fight it out amongst themselves, knowing that every drop of blood they let on their own just makes my job easier, that would be invigorating. I'd recommend that my own supporters vote for the loser to keep him going. I might even fund the loser to make certain that he still takes a bite out of it. Because the longer the fight goes on the better off I would be in the end. Like fight night at the dog ring, the winner hasn't won anything but the right to get attacked by the next challenger. A challenger who hasn't been fighting all night. Who has been resting, watching, waiting.
And the crowd, that record crowd who turned out to watch the first two dogs go at it? Well, the die hards got what they came for in the primary. A bloody battle with a "victory" by the dog they bet on. The others, the ones who just showed up because they were excited...are not so convinced. The dog that won did it by attacking anything and everything. The blood is everywhere. And that dog that is waiting - he didn't look so good before but as the night has worn on he looks better and better. "Hell", says the average man, "I can't really tell the difference, but that one doesn't have blood all over it."
When this election season dawned the crowd was so against the reigning dog that they hated anything associated with it. The crowd was waiting to throw sticks and bottles at the dog from that party. Now they know they just can't stand any of them. The party that seemed to stand against hate just seems as though it likes its hate a little better dressed. If someone asked me who was campaigning the hardest to get John McCain elected, I'd have to say it was John McCain, with the Democrat party running a close second. Nothing Johnny boy could have done would have made him look any better than an extended civil war among democrats. So if you are republican, just ride it out. Fuel the fire if your state hasn't voted yet. And watch the dog fight, because if you thought it's been bloody so far you aint' seen nothing yet.
Bring the Kids
That old house, it wasn't the site of any published debate. Not even Fox News could leave it that filthy. It wasn't the site of the Democratic National Convention, because the spectators didn't kill enough of their own. It wasn't Republican headquarters either. The closets simply weren't large enough. No, it was the site of a dog fight, where two dumb animals played out their most basic instincts for the thrills of the crowd. In time the crowd joined in. In a few weeks I hear CNN will be hosting yet another debate. If you want more civilized entertainment, there's a house in West Seattle where the action starts near midnight.
lonelyhobo points out that this makes no reference to bees, so I have analyzed the "Honeybee Election Method" here.