HSC, or HumanSoft as they call themselves in their snazzy PR
telecasts, is taking over the world. Just a few thousand intervals
(* translation uncertain, might be days or years) ago, you could
surf the net for lifetimes without ever encountering a human.
But not today! You could be minding your own business, grazing
or hunting grazers or storing nuts away for the winter or just
lounging on a lily pad waiting for a carelss bug to flit by, and on
the horizon will appear a row of mighty servers all powered by
HumanSoft technology. In intervals they come and push aside
everything you've ever known, eliminating your livelihood and
home and casting you at the dubious mercy of your competitors if
they don't out-and-out destroy you directly.
One by one, vital subnets are scoured clean of their previous
inhabitants, to be replaced by the same boringly similar cast
of characters which have either sold out to humans or learned
to exploit them -- Dogs of course, fire ants, Norway rats, and
the ubiquitous St. Augustine grass.
These companies are held up by the humans as examples of how we
can all "just get along." But a closer examination reveals what
a Faustian deal these organizations have made. Wolves were the
first to get this bright idea, many thousands of intervals ago.
But look what happened to them. The mighty and feared Rufus was
quickly transformed into the cowering and supplicant Canis.com,
who manages to remain "his own organization" right up to the point
where he wishes to decide for himself when to eat, run, play,
or have puppies.
Beware the lesson of Canis Company. Sure they still get their
genes from the (somewhat edited) Rufus library, but they get
their paychecks from HumanSoft. And make no mistake, dogs are
only "HumanSoft's best corporate partners" until one of them
bites a human. Then watch what happens.
It's the same with all their corporate partners -- any spark of
originality or drive is ruthlessly purged until only happy
exploitable grazers are left in the "partner" corporation.
Dogs are pathetic and dogs have it good compared to later
partners. Look at what the staff of Cows, Inc. has to put
up with, especially the Milk-Fed Veal division. And Various
Poultry Ltd. thought they had it great until HumanSoft came
up with its "factory farming initiative" and eliminated all
the bug-eating and barnyard-running perks while requiring
three times as much work.
Meanwhile, you can't find anywhere that HumanSoft isn't
sticking its often inappropriate appendages. Been to Antarctica
lately? Humans. Bottom of the Marianas Trench? Humans. Top of
Mount Everest? Humans. Deepest origins of the Amazon or Nile?
Humans. Floating in the upper atmosphere? Humans. They
have even left their garbage on the fricking MOON, leaving one to
wonder if they even think NatureNet is a big enough deal for them
to trash. If I was living in another universe, I'd be worrying.
In their PR 'casts humans relentlessly tout the superiority of
the HINTEL ("Human INTELligence") platform. But let's do a
feature comparison. What does HINTEL have that other companies'
The answer is NOTHING. They're not the biggest (even after the
asteroid business, Blue Whales LLC and Pachyderm Proboscis Partners
have them beat in sea and on land, respectively). They're not
the fastest (Cheetah Chasers). They don't have the best fur
(GreenSeals.org or minksatall.org) or feathers (holding company
AVES(tm) has this one sewn up, not to mention flight) or strongest
muscles (many many examples) or even the most talented voices (the
members of the Parrot Playhouse have no members incapable of singing
two notes at once). In fact the only superlative the HINTEL platform can
claim is the Bilateral Reciprocal Altertness Improving Node which
manages to suck up over 20% of every employee's paycheck without
returning a single dime in direct predator protection.
What those BRAINs do allow HumanSoft to do, is to come up with
tricks by which it can evade the rules and destroy its competition
without having to suffer a fair evaluation of its capabilities.
The members of the AVES group must feel particularly cheated, having
seen their technology stolen from them by direct observation and
then implemented so fully and ruthlessly that real birds are often
swept up inadvertently in the engines of the human flightservers.
A human equipped with a car can out-"run" a cheetah. A human equipped
with a submarine can outswim a whale. The same human which, naked and
alone on the 'net would be called lunch, can team up with his HumanSoft
buddies and kill things he can't even begin to eat.
So by such tricks HumanSoft, having no fur or feathers of its
own, simply takes the fur and feathers from its competitors. Sure
we can sue them, but what court will impose a fair judgement? They
use the bodies of long-dead allies from the asteroid business to
power obscene artificial enhancements which are stronger and faster than
us and immune to feeling, being technologically inferior at their
core. Everywhere you turn you face the ultimatum forged from the
synergy of their HINTEL platform and their willingness to do anything
to get ahead:
Upgrade or die.
Well, this is a call to arms. To all those who have succumbed to the
HumanSoft blackmail and gone HINTEL, you're part of the problem instead
of the solution. Yeah, XXXNorwayRatHotGirls.com can continue to
exist in HumanSoftLand, but is this the kind of world we want to live
in, where everything is either human, serves humans, or exploits them?
Where humans are the entire network? Where the only fur is rat fur and
the only feathers are from starlings and the only plants are found in
I REJECT THIS! The 'net was meant to be interesting and complex, not
a uniform expression of HumanSoft ideals! I AM NOT A NUMBER! I AM
A FREE ANIMAL! I WILL EAT WHEN I WANT, PLAY WHERE I WANT, AND MATE
AND REAR YOUNG WHEN I
(shouts, crashes, shattering things off-screen)
W-w-what's that? What's that big yellow -- MACHINE? It's coming
RIGHT THIS WAY! Oh crap I need to get out of the way, this thing
is just freaking huge and I can see there's some freaking human
up top, don't you know, maybe if I hop this way