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[P]
I Don't Know What This New Internet Will Look Like

By MichaelCrawford in Technology
Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 11:42:24 PM EST
Tags: Paranoia, Conspiracy Theories, Black Helicopters, No Such Agency, Trusted Computing (all tags)

... but I am as confident as I am that the Sun will rise tomorrow that it will be safe from terrorists. After all, we have the children to think about.

It seems that David Clark, who led the development of the Internet way back in the '70's - did you know there even was a '70's? - wants to create a whole new Internet that will fix many of the problems the current Internet is plagued with. The New Internet's engineers will be much more careful this time around to make sure it works better than the first one did.

I'm afraid, though, that the engineers are not the only ones who will be deciding how our New Internet will work.

If one is able to find any privacy or anonymity in this New Internet, it will be because of some undiscovered security hole, which will be quickly repaired, rather than any kind of conscious design decision. Probably one reason they are accepting proposals before rolling it out is to avoid the sort of accidental security holes that enable pr0n, peer-to-peer filesharing and left-wing political activism.


Microsoft, a leading contributor both to this nation's technology base and to the campaign coffers of its leaders, will embrace this new technology and extend it in such a way that the development and dissemination of Open Source software will be, if not mathematically and physically impossible, at least as intractible as factoring a 2048-bit public key.

Imagine, if you will, Trusted Computing implemented at the router level, in such a way that any packets that go farther than one hop are certified not only to support protocols whose patent licenses are fully paid-up and on file with the legal department in Redmond, but whose content is compliant with the Windows standard. The faintest whisp of a Public License, GNU or otherwise, will result in the dropping not only of the individual packet, not only in the cancellation of the entire file transmission, but, within microseconds, the reporting of the physical location of the offending server to responsible law enforcement personnel. The identities of its rogue administrators will be fetched instantly from the database maintained by the Department of Homeland Security. (You will have to submit fingerprints and DNA samples to obtain a Windows server license, as after all, Internet servers can be used to disseminate explosives recipes or the formulas for nerve gases.) The supercomputers that constantly monitor the cameras mounted on every lampost in the United States of ( God Bless It!) America will be ordered to recognize the criminals' faces, and when they are spotted trying to flee to the Amazon jungle, orbiting lasers will vaporize their bodies, leaving nary but a whisp of smoke.

When a close family friend tries to comfort one of the grieving mothers for the loss of her son, she will desperately proclaim "No, I have no children! You must have mistaken me for someone else. Please leave me alone!" as she scurries rapidly away.

National firewalls such as those employed by The People's Republic of China are expensive and difficult to maintain. They are notoriously leaky, and easy to circumvent by anyone determined enough to find out how. But worse, they impede the economic potential of emerging economies such as China, which necessarily bottleneck technical data and eCommerce in order to have a single chokepoint for their Four Horsemen of the Infocalypse (Taiwan, Tibet, Dissidents and Pornography).

Imagine, if you will, the potential of our New Internet: not only by technical design, but by international treaty (enforced by the threat of military intervention on the part of the UN Security Council), each nation will have a national firewall which is as transparent as the air to fully-licensed Windows Media Video files of Barney the Dinosaur and paid-up Wal-Mart orders, yet absolutely impenetrable to content not sanctioned by Homeland Security, the Republican Party, the 700 Club and the Boy Scouts.

I, for one, am weary of our present Internet, cesspool that it is of moral depravity and copyright infringement. I long for the days of yore, when men were men, women wore hoopskirts, and racial minorities were separate but equal. And so, I raise my right hand and shout with an enthusiastic "Heil!":

I welcome my new Internet overlords!

Copyright 2005 Michael David Crawford. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 License.

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I Don't Know What This New Internet Will Look Like | 63 comments (40 topical, 23 editorial, 3 hidden)
Sadly Clark is not up to date on current research (3.00 / 5) (#1)
by stuaart on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 06:34:24 AM EST

``A super-high-speed internet could even allow people a world apart to collaborate inside elaborate 3-D virtual arenas, a process called tele-immersion.''

People already do this on a daily basis. Except they're not using it for work, but play. It's quite obvious from current basic research on virtual environments that collaborative VEs have not taken off, apart from their wild success in games. When will people stop denying what is right in front of us---CVEs currently don't have and will probably never have any use in work scenarios.

Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective


3D teledildonics! $ (none / 0) (#2)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 06:37:10 AM EST


Looking for some free songs?


[ Parent ]

teledildonics against terror! $ (none / 0) (#9)
by mrbastard on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 08:23:32 AM EST


"ohmygod I have a boyfriend" - Wen Jian
[ Parent ]

lol @ being completely wrong (3.00 / 1) (#12)
by the spins on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:15:16 AM EST

people do this for work all the time. except your job of code monkeying or internet punditry or whatever it is you do to support yourself doesn't involve it. i assure you, though, people in, e.g., engineering and medicine do this, and not some cheap-ass imitation on a CRT, either.

 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

[ Parent ]

Yes, because (none / 1) (#15)
by stuaart on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:30:33 AM EST

telemedicine has been an amazing success, ain't it?

People will even more often email files rather than use real-time collaborative software (CAD being a good example). The question is not whether collaborative stuff is useless (which it is not, as your straw-man argument presumes), but why adoption is nowhere near the predicted levels.

Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective


[ Parent ]
asstalkers --> (3.00 / 2) (#16)
by the spins on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:32:29 AM EST


 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

[ Parent ]

What an informed response. (3.00 / 3) (#17)
by stuaart on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:35:23 AM EST

I'm astounded by the strong veracity of the argument you have presented. You've certainly put me in my place.

Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective


[ Parent ]
On behalf of your doctors (3.00 / 4) (#3)
by godix on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 06:57:14 AM EST

let me just remind you that you shouldn't stop taking your medicine cold turkey like this. It's just not healthy.


- An egotist is someone who thinks they're almost as good as I am.
I'm doing just fine. (none / 1) (#4)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 07:03:08 AM EST

It's better to see the humour in paranoia than to be immersed in it.


Looking for some free songs?


[ Parent ]

I'm sorry to hear that (none / 1) (#6)
by godix on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 07:32:04 AM EST

I thought this article was a fascinating look into the weird train of thought and random semi-related links that a schizophrenic goes through. Now that I know this is what you're like when you're fine I'm disappointed. Sadly I'm not joking, this reminded me of my wife who has a problem somewhat similar to your own. I've always been interested in the disjointed train of thought that in a twisted and random way actually does flow smoothly from point A to point B. Eventually.


- An egotist is someone who thinks they're almost as good as I am.
[ Parent ]
I actually wrote this a couple years ago (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 07:42:29 AM EST

I don't remember exactly how I was doing then, but in general I'm better these days then I was for the last few years.

I don't think someone who doesn't experience real paranoia could have written something like this.


Looking for some free songs?


[ Parent ]

FUD and sarcasm (none / 0) (#5)
by GrubbyBeardedHermit on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 07:09:11 AM EST

but I'll give you +1 anyway, just for the effort you made to find all those links.

GBH

Whats this (3.00 / 4) (#8)
by Kariik on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 07:43:51 AM EST

Moral depravity, K5? Surely sir you must be mistaken. Our noble enclave has nothing to fear from such an internet I am certain!

emcee mc (3.00 / 5) (#14)
by circletimessquare on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:21:34 AM EST

message confirmed my commander mit colossal mind communication


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

what the internet needs (3.00 / 7) (#18)
by army of phred on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 10:31:42 AM EST

I've said this many times but I'll repeat once again, this general purpose net connection stack tcp/ip has to go. In its place a large defined set of protocols can allow broadcast style networking for the internet savvy consumer, and if Microsoft had the lead in engineering this, you can be sure that most computers would be compatible, and Microsoft could also sell "Microsoft Gateway" products to let Apple participate.

This set of protocols could allow trusted machines to receive properly licensed and authorized content but still filter out other less useful but more dangerous content/extentions like exe's, zips, tar.gz's, bz2, py, and iso's, and additionally any encrypted content, and the major webserver venders would have to outlaw application/octet mime types to regain control of the internet-turned-piracy haven that the thieves like warez groups and gnu have perverted, not to mention all the pornography and child molesting an open internet produces.

Its time to make the net safe again for our families and businesses.

"Republicans are evil." lildebbie
"I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about." motormachinemercenary
"my wife is getting a blowjob" ghostoft1ber

And this is interesting because...[] (none / 0) (#19)
by mirleid on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 10:48:04 AM EST



Chickens don't give milk
ok this is gettin pretty bad... (2.40 / 5) (#20)
by balsamic vinigga on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 11:16:29 AM EST

had to turn my boxers inside out this morning... yet i still duno if ill get off my lazy ass and do a load of laundry...

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
Real men go commando $ (none / 0) (#52)
by HackerCracker on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 09:48:33 PM EST



[ Parent ]
but you voted +1 [nt] (none / 0) (#35)
by insomnyuk on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 03:29:13 PM EST



---
"There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness." - H.L. Mencken
YHBT. HAND. $ (2.00 / 1) (#36)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 03:38:20 PM EST


Looking for some free songs?


[ Parent ]

I THINK NOT [nt] (none / 1) (#37)
by insomnyuk on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 03:46:00 PM EST



---
"There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness." - H.L. Mencken
[ Parent ]
Sorry Michael, -1 (none / 1) (#40)
by Psychology Sucks on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 05:15:14 PM EST

Like you as a person, don't like the article

No hard feelings. (none / 1) (#46)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 10:23:37 PM EST

My stories have been dumped before, and I lived to tell about it.


Looking for some free songs?


[ Parent ]

+1FP, important topic, well-written (none / 1) (#42)
by nostalgiphile on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:14:51 PM EST

And it has workable lots of links to relevant, interesting material. Why people are bitching about this is beyond me, but nice work anyway MC. If anything, you're not paranoid (or nostalgic) enough.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
Sounds like (none / 0) (#48)
by the77x42 on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 11:04:57 PM EST

The new internet is reaching out from our current Australia of old.

I prefer surfing with criminals, they have hotter chicks on the beach.


"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

mother hitton (none / 1) (#55)
by raduga on Thu Feb 22, 2007 at 01:26:50 PM EST

and her adorable littul kittons, bid welcome to Old North Australia with paws of affection.
Poor communications deter theft;
good communications promote theft;
perfect communications stop theft.
--Van Braam


[ Parent ]
I'm not worried... (none / 0) (#54)
by hamingja on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 12:00:50 AM EST

I'm wearing my aluminium foil helmet and have not telescreen in my office...

--
p(3)=0.3405373296... => even in an infinite universe, not everything is possible...
hmmm, works for me (none / 0) (#56)
by grant7 on Thu Feb 22, 2007 at 02:58:20 PM EST

talk about conservative... all the problems outlined are being shifted, the landscape of their details changed, by the current internet's radical openness

go ahead and impose as much structure as your wee mind can handle - the internet routes around, offers alternatives to every pathway, be it problem or solution from any one perspective

ownership is dead, long live the freedship!!!

wow, k5 has gone all mellow in its old age (3.00 / 2) (#62)
by Kasreyn on Fri Feb 23, 2007 at 01:41:39 AM EST

or else there's just a completely different crowd here now.

If you had posted this about four years ago, every comment attached to your story would have poured bucketsful of withering scorn on your head, and you would have been instructed to take your paranoid GNU-Linux hippie ass back to slashdot where it belonged.

Is k5 somehow rediscovering a second wind of idealism after all that? Or is it just not worth the effort to be cooler-than-thou anymore?


"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
the winds (none / 1) (#63)
by SaintPort on Sat Feb 24, 2007 at 08:29:43 PM EST

they are a changin'

--
Search the Scriptures
Start with some cheap grace...Got Life?

[ Parent ]
nice! (none / 1) (#64)
by flummox on Fri Mar 30, 2007 at 11:36:59 AM EST

haven't posted on here in a long, long time. then i read this:

"I, for one, am weary of our present Internet, cesspool that it is of moral depravity and copyright infringement. I long for the days of yore, when men were men, women wore hoopskirts, and racial minorities were separate but equal. And so, I raise my right hand and shout with an enthusiastic "Heil!":"

i have to say this is very interesting statement.

that is all for now...

"do you like it?? my butthole??"
- Cap'n Flummox

for each new generation of internet (none / 0) (#65)
by greenisagoodcolor on Wed May 09, 2007 at 01:35:35 PM EST

there will be no hackers.
i've never known how to do that stuff but if it really comes down to grassroots hacking vs evil corporations who will win?

its going to be the smartest individual oligarchies collaborating vs beaucratic corporations

which side are you going to support?

I Don't Know What This New Internet Will Look Like | 63 comments (40 topical, 23 editorial, 3 hidden)
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